to find my family planning teacher unprofessional??

[firefly11]

I have been going to one-to-one NFP (Natural Family Planning) sessions at the local sexual health clinic. I just wanted to learn how to tell my fertility signs from charting, observation of bodily signs like mucus, cervical position, body temperature, etc. as hormonal contraception doesn't agree with me too well and DH doesn't like wearing condoms (Though he will if we have sex because I insist).. Although we have no current or forseeable plans to conceive as we already have 3 DCs and they are keeping us busy. But I wouldn't rule out having another child in future since we are still in our early 30s. Before I took up the course, I thought about just learning this from a book but since I was advised that its best I learn from a trained NFP teacher, I decided to do just that.

Me and DH don't have a very active sex life. It's been like this always, we have been together 10 + years and we are close and talk to each other a lot, but just don't get around to having sex that much. The thing is if we tell our friends this, some of them just think this is odd, but at least they don't make rude comments at this. But this NFP teacher I'm seeing (who happens to be a midwife by profession) always asks me if we had unprotected sex every time I see her - I see her once a month btw - have seen her 3 times now so I think it is towards the end of the course.. Fair enough, it may be her job as a NFP teacher at a sexual health clinic to make sure no babies are accidentally conceived during the course of learning NFP, but when I say "no", she asks if I have had sex at all, and for the past 3 times, each time I told her "no" to that, she makes some sort of remark about it. The first time she was just incredulous, to which I politely explained that's natural for us, and it doesn't bother us at all. Then she said okay, yea, different strokes for different folks, blah blah.

The second time I saw her, she started laughing when I told her "no" again to her "did you have sex" question. I started feeling like that was a bit... odd. Rude, in fact.

The third time I saw her, same question again, and I answered the same. Then she shook her head and made a HUGE sigh and smiled wryly.

Now am I right or wrong in thinking she is being unprofessional with her reactions?

I thought it was rude too but wasn't sure if I was just being oversensitive!

I don't know what the class is targetted for but I got on it after I called the local sexual health clinic asking if they could refer me to any NFP teachers in the area and they promptly signed me up to this,for free I might add. So I took it up, thought it was great that it was free as I was prepared to pay. But well, it's not perfect .. but I have learnt a lot in the 3 sessions I've been there and it has been a real eye opener for me in regards to knowing my body better.. I have really benefitted from this. Just don't know what to say to her the next time as it is almost inevitable she will ask the same thing again I think! Unfortunately she seems to be the only NFP teacher in the clinic so not like I can switch.

I guess she's wondering if you trust or have tried her methods yet? I don't know but either way I do think it's rude. Couples have sex at different frequencies and really it's none of anyone else's business.

Maybe she's so wondering why you're so interested in contraception if you rarely have ex?

sex

She's rude. I'd go for the MN phrase.

Yes, it is a bit rude, but she might be wondering if you need any family planning as it might be sounding like you don't actually have any sex life. Have you told her how often you normally have sex? I guess she might be thinking you're either not in a sexual rleationship or that you're lying to her.

just realised my reply sounds more rude than the teachers. Sorry. I didn't mean it to.. DH and I don't have sex that often but I think that 3 months without would seem a long time to most people.

Very rude. I can't remember the last time we had sex... about 4 times in the last 4 and a half years, and it's nobody's business but ours!

Have you read this? www.google.co.uk/products/catalog?oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&q=TCOYF+book&um=1&ie=UTF-8&cid=2800018177117283325&sa=X&ei=5Gh8UOqZB-K80QWDnYC4Cg&ved=0CFEQ8wIwCA

It has absolutely all you need to know, you can learn in the comfort of your own home, and it doesn't ask personal questions later.

its the trouble you always have with nurse types. they're abominable for teaching sex ed too, as they assume everyone has to have sex all the time - no matter how young - and that they should all experience a wide range of positions and practices. i think they're just over-trained. well meaning, but they spend too much time focused on this stuff.

you and your dh seem to have worked out a pattern that suits you and brings babies into the world. well done.

Thanks for the replies. We do have a sex life, just very infrequent to most people. That's not to say we don't need contraception, because look what we produced - 3 kids, sex life or not! The fact is I cannot take well to hormonal contraception and he is not happy with condoms or vasectomy, so the best solution to this is NFP imo, especially since we don't have sex that much anyway so the risks of pregnancy on this method is less. Why pump myself full of artificial hormones all year round and endure the nasty side effects it has on me, or have ourselves sterilised when we may want another child in future? Whatever her opinion of how we conduct our sex life, her response has been inappropriate I think. She should keep it to herself. The next time I see her I'm definitely using the MN line.

Yes, that's inappropriate. I don't see why she needs to ask those questions anyway - it has nothing to do with the class. Also, everyone is very different, and she should respect that.

An alternative old-fashioned suggestion: you could get a diaphragm fitted. No hormones, but really quite reliable all the same when used correctly.

I've never really considered the diaphragm before as I thought it might hurt or make my menstrual cramping worse - as tampons tend to do for me, but thanks struggling100, will do more research into that and see if it might suit me :-)

perhaps she a) doesn't believe you or b) thinks you're wasting her time. Either way it's not appropriate to comment. Would second the TCOYF book though it's really good.

You only use a diaphragm when you dtd (and for a while after) so I don't see why it should affect menstrual cramping (unless you tend to dtd when you have period cramps?).

What is "dtd"?

Hmm if she doesn't believe me then perhaps I should just lie and say I did have sex the next time I see her then, if I haven't! Wouldn't that make life easier.

She's a nosey one isn't she OP! YANBU.

"I would prefer not to answer such personal questions".

With a look to suggest you think she's a bit of a weirdo.

That is the possibly unhelpful way I'd handle it.

DTD = do the deed (sex).

Oh right, I see lol... I was thinking of that other contraceptive device where it stays in your body until the doctor removes it. Okay. Will have to try this one but it looks uncomfortable.

I've used a diaphragm since I was 18 (over 30 years ago - not the same one obviously!) Absolutely fine once you've had a bit of practice and not at all uncomfortable. Ideal for occasional use. Two children when we wanted them and no accidents.

I forgot to say that I find NFP very effective for both purposes! (we did used to have sex more often, honest)

It really helped when they wanted to induce DS2, and I was able with pinpoint accuracy to tell them when he was conceived! (Despite their outraged "but we have growth charts!").

Even if you don't intend to use the method TCOYF is an excellent de-mystifying "Haynes manual" of the femal reproductive system. I'd go so far as ro say every person in possession of a set of ovaries should read it.

I love NFP, as I said, it taught me so much more about my body. I've had 2 homebirths so am more interested than some about the workings of our reproductive organs say... It's a pity I have to dread seeing the NFP teacher every month after one of these awkward meetings. But she has taught me a lot too. I will be looking at getting the book recommended here. I am in two minds about the NFP sessions with the teacher. Do you think I should just stop lessons and it will be okay to learn on my own? I just don't want to get things wrong and end up with an accidental pregnancy. I could on the other hand, just continue going and either (A) lie about it just to get her off my back (B) confront her about her questions and then make things potentially awkward between us... she is quite friendly otherwise... a bit bossy. lol