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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I shouldn't have to keep track of when his washing needs doing?!

64 replies

nightowlmostly · 13/10/2012 19:08

Just had a big argument with DH.

Basically, he has 5 uniforms for 5 days work. 5 days on, then 2 days off. He says to me tonight, can you do a wash of shirts, I haven't got any left. I said ok but why couldn't you tell me earlier, it's 6pm and I have another load of stuff to do already. He says I should know when they need doing.

The thing is, sometimes all 5 are washed and clean at the beginning of the week. Then I might do a couple during his working week, so by the end of the week 2 will be clean, so the next week he'll need them doing mid-week.

AIBU to think he shouldn't be expecting me to count them and make sure they're done?

I don't mind actually doing it, but I don't see why I should know they need doing on a specific day. I am on ML, but I've got enough on my plate without monitoring his fucking shirts.

Anyway the argument escalated, he says I'm a housewife, I say no I'm not, I'm on ML, he says I'm a crap housewife anyway. So I get the hump. I might not be amazing at keeping everything spotless, but I wash all his clothes and fold and put them away and tidy up and the usual stuff. He does all the cooking to be fair. He is very good at doing his share, which is just as well as he will be at home after January when I go back to work full time. I just feel under-appreciated. I have said in the past that I could probably get more done around the house, but took it back yesterday as the baby is very demanding and when he sleeps is my time to eat, do a couple of small jobs maybe, but I've no intention of rushing about like a blue-arsed fly for the sake of a show home. I won't expect him to either!

Sorry that turned inot a bit of a rant. Be kind please!

OP posts:
WinklyFriedChicken · 13/10/2012 19:12

He's being a dick, clearly.

Schrodingershamster · 13/10/2012 19:14

Suggest he does his own washing like a grown up ?

ikigai · 13/10/2012 19:16

He's BU. And that's putting it kindly.

SauvignonBlanche · 13/10/2012 19:16

What an arse!

squoosh · 13/10/2012 19:18

I would wipe my arse with his shirts.

Original poster
nightowlmostly · 13/10/2012 19:19

The thing is, I have no problem doing all the laundry, I pretty much did before anyway! But I can't help feeling that if he knows he needs shirts washing why not just stick it on himself? I will do all the washing that's in the basket at some point, I'm not the best at keeping it empty or anything.

I think he's getting too used to me doing it, it'll be interesting when he's the one at home. I think I can manage to know when I need work clothes washed though, full time or not!

I feel a bit bad at ranting on here, I refused to make up with him before he went to work so he's pretty mad. I hate it when we fight.

OP posts:
WinklyFriedChicken · 13/10/2012 19:19

I wash my husband's shirts, I know they need washing because they're in the wash basket. I don't need to channel my inner Mystic Meg.

FutTheShuckUp · 13/10/2012 19:21

What a fucking dick. I have to wear uniforms for work, like a grown up I ensure I wash them/iron them ready for when needed! Why can't he?

AThingInYourLife · 13/10/2012 19:21

He thinks maternity leave is so women can be housewives and look after their husbands?

He's a cunt.

Tell him to fuck off.

He actually genuinely thinks it is your job to keep track of his work clothes?

Like I do for my 4 year old?

And he thinks calling you a crap housewife is an insult?

Is this another instance of a man turning chauvinist once the little lady has a baby?

BellaVita · 13/10/2012 19:22

Make him do his own shirts.

Rikalaily · 13/10/2012 19:23

Tell him to wash his own stuff, then he won't have to moan about running out of shirts!

AThingInYourLife · 13/10/2012 19:24

My 4 year old is a chimney sweep BTW

:o squoosh

bonzo77 · 13/10/2012 19:28

YANBU. Similar here, except DH is not such a prick about it. If he runs out he re- wears one and asks nicely if I can wash the rest. To which I say " no. Put them in the machine and wash them yourself". I work 2 days and DH does 5. I do 95% of the housework and am happy to do so, but I do not expect to be told off for getting behind, or to be expected to monitor his laundry. I usually do it, but sometimes he gets close to running out and tells me, and I tell him to sort it out himself. Oh, and I do prioritise my and DS's things over his! The point is that whatever the division of chores, no one has the right to shout at the other over how they are done. In fact, you have taken maternity leave in order to look after your and his child. The house work should be a joint effort as it would be if you worked f/ t.

WildWorld2004 · 13/10/2012 19:28

My thoughts are that if you know you need something washed do it yourself. That way u will know that its clean & ready.

Tell him to fuck off & stick his head in the washing machine.

ChoccyJules · 13/10/2012 19:31

YANBU

but DH tries similar on here too. 'I have no pairs of socks' muttering and swearing in the morning. Put them in the wash in pairs then!

Adversecamber · 13/10/2012 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VerySmallSqueak · 13/10/2012 19:42

YANBU.

Original poster
nightowlmostly · 13/10/2012 19:44

I'm not complaining about DH in general, as I said he does do all the cooking and I get him to pitch in when he's off and if the place needs tidying up.

We made up now, I apologised for the argument but not for the shirts issue. When I'm full time I will get my revenge! Or more likely, be uber-reasonable so he realises what he was like. He'll find out soon enough how little you can get done looking after a baby.

OP posts:
Original poster
nightowlmostly · 13/10/2012 19:45

I think he does appreciate it mostly, he never comments on the state of the house or anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
nightowlmostly · 13/10/2012 19:47

Thanks everyone, I only got one YABU I think! And there's no Mystic Megging about it, I don't empty the washing basket very often, some days Shock I don't do any at all, and don't see what's in there.

OP posts:
Scarynuff · 13/10/2012 20:00

He says to me tonight, can you do a wash of shirts, I haven't got any left

See, this is where I think the conversation went wrong. Why is he asking you to do a wash? Confused

I could understand if he had to go out and said 'I've put a load in, would you mind drying it for me when it's finished?'

But why didn't he just go and put the wash on?

Original poster
nightowlmostly · 13/10/2012 20:11

He was leaving for work, sorry if I missed that bit out. He works shifts. It makes it harder to deal with the baby and get stuff done as well, because he's asleep and I don't want to hoover or tidy the baby's room while he's sleeping.

OP posts:
Original poster
nightowlmostly · 13/10/2012 20:15

Hoover at all I mean, or do anything upstairs. So if the baby's asleep I might think 'oh, I could hoover the stairs now or dust the baby's room, I can't. It's not just an excuse, by the time he's up (DH) there's other stuff to do, and when baby's in bed sometimes I will run around cleaning, but mostly I want to relax then, it's my time!

OP posts:
Scarynuff · 13/10/2012 20:16

He would still have time to put a load on before he left, if he thought about it in advance. Maybe you should tell him that, from now on, he is responsible for making sure he has uniform ready.

I usually wash at the weekends and my children know that if their school uniforms are not in the laundry, they won't get washed. It's their responsibility and if they forget - well, they both know how the machine works.

IneedAsockamnesty · 13/10/2012 20:20

yanbu.

i would take all the shirts and set fire to them