to think I shouldn't have to keep track of when his washing needs doing?!

[nightowlmostly]

Just had a big argument with DH.

Basically, he has 5 uniforms for 5 days work. 5 days on, then 2 days off. He says to me tonight, can you do a wash of shirts, I haven't got any left. I said ok but why couldn't you tell me earlier, it's 6pm and I have another load of stuff to do already. He says I should know when they need doing.

The thing is, sometimes all 5 are washed and clean at the beginning of the week. Then I might do a couple during his working week, so by the end of the week 2 will be clean, so the next week he'll need them doing mid-week.

AIBU to think he shouldn't be expecting me to count them and make sure they're done?

I don't mind actually doing it, but I don't see why I should know they need doing on a specific day. I am on ML, but I've got enough on my plate without monitoring his fucking shirts.

Anyway the argument escalated, he says I'm a housewife, I say no I'm not, I'm on ML, he says I'm a crap housewife anyway. So I get the hump. I might not be amazing at keeping everything spotless, but I wash all his clothes and fold and put them away and tidy up and the usual stuff. He does all the cooking to be fair. He is very good at doing his share, which is just as well as he will be at home after January when I go back to work full time. I just feel under-appreciated. I have said in the past that I could probably get more done around the house, but took it back yesterday as the baby is very demanding and when he sleeps is my time to eat, do a couple of small jobs maybe, but I've no intention of rushing about like a blue-arsed fly for the sake of a show home. I won't expect him to either!

Sorry that turned inot a bit of a rant. Be kind please!

More and more I just don't understand why women end up doing the other adult in the house's washing, particularly when they are already doing the children's. He's an adult, tell him to do his ow. what's he going to do, drag you to the washing machine and force you to do it?

Well, some distribution of labour in a home is perfectly reasonable, surely. Yes, I do all the washing, but DH does all the ironing, all the cleaning of bathrooms, and we all share cooking and washing-up. He also does all the care of dog and car (I don't drive anymore and like the dog, the car was his before we got together; I do benefit from their existence though!). The washing and the car fall out along traditional gender lines, I suppose, but I'm not going to insist, on that basis, that each of us do our own... particularly when that would be ultimately less efficient, and possibly mean that I had to clean toilets and pick up dog poo.

He sounds like my 12 year old. Is he a child?

Could you buy a load more shirts as well, to cut down on the stress factor?

Oops, by 'you', I mean 'he'

The best thing, like ever, for your marriage is when you go back to work full time and your DH has a stint at home. It has totally rejuvenated us. He fully and freely admits that he had NO fucking IDEA how hard and demanding and relentless and drudge-like it was. Seriously, 4 months in and him about to return to work and we're like a new couple since he's had some actual experience at the coal-face.

Bide your time. He'll get it soon enough. :)

Go on strike. Show him what house like when you do nothing!

Seriously, he needs to know that he can't ask you to do his washing. He knows where the machine is and how to use it right? From now on make him do it himself.

Criticising your housekeeping skills is not on. You have hands full with a baby. Had he had a bad day. Or do you put up with that kind of nasty attitude often?

The only reason you are not at work is because you have a small baby to look after. You don't get mat leave for housework. If it were not for the baby, none of the housework would be done during working hours anyway. That is not what you are there for!

So, take this precious time to enjoy, play with, care for your gorgeous baby and when he sleeps, take the opportunity to rest.

When your dh is home, he can share the housework and you can get the bulk of it done between you. Just do the bare minimum when you are home alone (like picking up after yourself, wiping over surfaces, quick hoover round), do the bigger jobs (like cleaning bathrooms) when dh is home and save the major jobs (like cleaning the oven) for when he has days off and can either do the cleaning or watch the baby.

If you work together and plan a schedule and agree that the house does not have to be spotless, you will even have some free time to spend together as a couple, or as a family.

And when he takes over he will realise that this is the only sensible way to tackle it and you can chip in the evenings and on your days off too!

The rule in our house is - if it's not in the laundry basket, it doesn't get washed. I do not pick up dh clothes from the side of the bed. I put a wash on every morning but somehow I never seem to get to the bottom of the basket.

I don't think it's cunty to ask you to put a wash on if he is on the way out to work.

The cunty bit was having the arsehole about you being a 'housewife' and there to serve him.

If you want someone to do something for you, on your time scale. you ask them nicely, and help them out if it is difficult for them.

I have to confess I did sod all washing or housework while I was on mat leave. Dp would put a load of nappies on before he went to work and we would try and get another load of clothes done in the evening but I generally considered it a major achievement if I got the nappies dried during the day.

As some one else said it will be a whole new world once your dp has taken some time at home. It took my dp 2 weeks and a few pointed reminders that, yes dd took up all my time too, before he finally got how hard it can be. I don't think that until you have done it you can really get how exhausting spending a day looking after a grumpy baby can be. I am now a bit evangelical about sharing leave and think every couple should do it if at all possible.

I saw the bottom of my laundry basket once.

It was a beautiful image that stays with me to this day :)

He needs more shirts.

I work FT and do the washing at the weekend (and it takes all weekend).

Dh got into the habit of putting out his filthy jeans every Sunday night, until I exploded at him explained nicely why it was majorly pissing me off. He hasn't done it since.

Pfft! YANBU.

I tell my DH all the time that I'm on mat leave and not taking a year off to be his personal skivvy