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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think I shouldn't have to keep track of when his washing needs doing?!

64 replies

nightowlmostly · 13/10/2012 19:08

Just had a big argument with DH.

Basically, he has 5 uniforms for 5 days work. 5 days on, then 2 days off. He says to me tonight, can you do a wash of shirts, I haven't got any left. I said ok but why couldn't you tell me earlier, it's 6pm and I have another load of stuff to do already. He says I should know when they need doing.

The thing is, sometimes all 5 are washed and clean at the beginning of the week. Then I might do a couple during his working week, so by the end of the week 2 will be clean, so the next week he'll need them doing mid-week.

AIBU to think he shouldn't be expecting me to count them and make sure they're done?

I don't mind actually doing it, but I don't see why I should know they need doing on a specific day. I am on ML, but I've got enough on my plate without monitoring his fucking shirts.

Anyway the argument escalated, he says I'm a housewife, I say no I'm not, I'm on ML, he says I'm a crap housewife anyway. So I get the hump. I might not be amazing at keeping everything spotless, but I wash all his clothes and fold and put them away and tidy up and the usual stuff. He does all the cooking to be fair. He is very good at doing his share, which is just as well as he will be at home after January when I go back to work full time. I just feel under-appreciated. I have said in the past that I could probably get more done around the house, but took it back yesterday as the baby is very demanding and when he sleeps is my time to eat, do a couple of small jobs maybe, but I've no intention of rushing about like a blue-arsed fly for the sake of a show home. I won't expect him to either!

Sorry that turned inot a bit of a rant. Be kind please!

OP posts:

BackforGood · 13/10/2012 20:22

Ah, right, your post at 19:47 puts a slightly different light on it. If it works for you, that in your house you do the washing - as he does the cooking, etc. - then it doesn't seem unreasonable for anyone who has put stuff in the washing basket to ask if some can be done, if it's been sitting in the washing basket.
Until I read that, I was going to say the same as WinklyFiredChicken .... up to the wearer to put them in the washing basket, and, if they are in there, then whoever normally does the washing ought to put them in the wash. Not the 'washers' responsibility to keep track of what needs washing, just to actually do the washing - or let everyone know they've not been able to do it that week.

Original poster

nightowlmostly · 13/10/2012 20:31

I do make a point of not going around picking up stuff to wash. He has an awful habit of leaving clothes everywhere, and I refuse to wash anything that's not in the basket.

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Original poster

nightowlmostly · 13/10/2012 20:34

I do do the washing, but there's a lot of it and sometimes a dark wash doesn't get done for a few days. That's what I mean, if he'd told me it needed doing I'd have no problem doing it, I just resent being told that I should know what things of his need doing and when. The way it works out, sometimes they all get done at the weekend, sometimes they need doing through the week. I'm not going to make a point of keeping track, if he'd let me know in enough time then that's be fine.

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CailinDana · 13/10/2012 20:35

I don't wash DH's clothes at all. We each do our own washing. Stops stupid arguments like this.

Original poster

nightowlmostly · 13/10/2012 20:35

When I return to work I will keep a track of when I need to do a wash of my uniform, as it depends on any overtime etc, I won't have a go at him if he doesn't know!

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brdgrl · 13/10/2012 20:35

I used to have similar problem with DSCs and school uniforms. I now simply refuse to do mid-week washes or washing "on demand". I do the washing on Sunday; they are to put their wash baskets out on Saturday (used to be they were supposed to put them out on Sunday, but they sleep in too late) and if it is not in the basket, or the basket isn't there, then they're out of luck. Ditto for sports gear, favourite shirts, etc. Five days, five shirts - I figure it is my responsibility to have the wash done by Monday AM, but their's to make sure the things are put in...I'm not going to second-guess or count things up to make sure they havn't left one out, for instance.

I do the laundry in our house, because DH and I decided on a distribution of chores, and this one is mine (frankly, I don't want to deal with other people using the machine and leaving laundry sitting there, or washing one item at a time, or spilling soap and leaving it in a puddle, or putting my delicates in a hot wash....etc etc). But I do it on my terms.

Your DH was totally being a dick about it.

shushpenfold · 13/10/2012 20:36

He's being a complete twonk - end of story really!

tescocarrierbagexplosion · 13/10/2012 20:36

LEAVE THE BASTARD!!!

(How did I manage to get in there first?!)

In all seriousness, I know exactly what you mean! I refuse to do shirts now unless they are in the Washbin. Why should I have to go and pick up all his shirts from his side of the bed?! It drives me mad!

I did a quick count today while he was at work and counted 3 down there out of 5... I'm not doing them!!!

What is it with most men and washing!?

Original poster

nightowlmostly · 13/10/2012 20:38

I don't know what it is, but I have a horrible feeling it'll mostly fall to me even when I'm at work full time and he's stay at home dad. He says not, but we'll see...

OP posts:

CailinDana · 13/10/2012 20:42

If it is an issue, just do your own laundry and leave everything else. The SAHP should at least do the child's laundry but adults are perfectly capable of looking after themselves.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 13/10/2012 20:44

Not read other replies, but you are married to a cunt.

I'm a SAHM - it is up to my DH to make sure that enough clean shirts are in the ironing bag.

DuelingFanjo · 13/10/2012 20:46

Just stop doing it, tell him that's what is happening and stop. Do it tonight. More and more I just don't understand why women end up doing the other adult in the house's washing, particularly when they are already doing the children's. He's an adult, tell him to do his ow. what's he going to do, drag you to the washing machine and force you to do it?

Sokmonsta · 13/10/2012 20:47

Maybe he needs a spare work shirt or two. There are days when I don't get down the basket of laundry, even with the best will in the world. But if dh needs anything he puts a wash on and one of us sorts it when done.

However, when it comes to his clothes being scattered on the floor I do pick them up and put them to wash. My theory being if he was going to wear them again they should be hung up or at least put somewhere sensible. He learns for a little while when the jeans he was going to wear again aren't there (and are usually in the machine/ wet so he can't). That's more annoying for him.

Original poster

nightowlmostly · 13/10/2012 20:47

Oooh, don't call him that! He's really not, and I feel a little guilty for complaining about him on here already, I've always resisted the temptation before!

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Original poster

nightowlmostly · 13/10/2012 20:48

That was to alibaba btw!

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Original poster

nightowlmostly · 13/10/2012 20:52

I guess I see doing the washing as a fair enough arrangement, as I'm at home and it doesn't take that long. But I do expect to be appreciated for it, and for him to not take it for granted. He cooks and really well too, but I always make sure I thank him and he knows I value it. I feel he doesn't appreciate what I do. He will when it's him having to juggle it all.

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Mintyy · 13/10/2012 20:55

This thread encapsulates why I love mumsnet, it really does.

Boboli · 13/10/2012 20:56

Op just a word of warning. Set the ground rules now as if you don't it will only get worse when you go back to work.
Mat leave is a funny old time, you are suddenly at home more than your oh and expectations start to rise about your responsibilities around the house - forget the shirts, embrace daytime tv and enjoy the baby I say.

DuelingFanjo · 13/10/2012 20:59

Ok then, if you are determined to do his washing then yanbu to only do what makes it into the basket. It will get worse though, when you return to work. I reckon.

Original poster

nightowlmostly · 13/10/2012 20:59

Well said boboli!

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Original poster

nightowlmostly · 13/10/2012 21:02

I hope not duellingfanjo, but we'll see I suppose. It'll be a difficult transition, swapping roles completely.

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ClippedPhoenix · 13/10/2012 21:04

Put him on toilet duty for a month.

I did a survey of all my friends partners and not one of them cleans the toilet! I tell my lot if they don't clean it, they don't use it.

Oh and tell him to be a bit more organised about his uniform in future.

poachedeggs · 13/10/2012 21:09

DH and I had a blazing row the other week about this sort of thing. Precipitated by him announcing that he needed a certain item dried for the following morning, late in the day when I still had school uniform to do. And I also work.

Big huge shouting slamming doors row. Lots of huffing. Today he cooked dinner, looked after the DC while I went running, dyed my hair, had a long hot shower. Then he did bedtime. And he's offered to do the morning shift tomorrow.

Sometimes you have to chuck a wobbly.

snooter · 13/10/2012 21:10

Somehow washing & ironing became my jobs when I got married - I've always worked fewer hours than my husband so that's how it's been. The rule is that stuff has to be in the linen basket in order to be washed - I never pick up stuff that's lying around. I hope my husband would never ask me to put a load of washing in at short notice - he knows how to press the buttons & occasionally does so. I have been asked to iron the odd thing at short notice - fair enough - he asks nicely & is grateful. When I was on maternity leave my brain was mush - the only way I kept up with the washing was by making sure I emptied the linen basket daily - there was no memory or thought involved. You could try ironing badly - might help.

Original poster

nightowlmostly · 13/10/2012 21:12

Oh I never iron! I don't even know where it is!

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