to find phrases like 'she who must be obeyed' and 'the missus' disrespectful and annoying

[TheBirdsTheBirds]

even when used by men I personally know to be nice, helpful people, it still grates. Am I being oversensitive? When I first got married, DH learned VERY quickly not to refer to me as 'the missus'. But I can't quite work out why I find it so annoying.

Obviously 'the old ball and chain' is just insulting, but the other two are used regularly and unthinkingly by lots of men on here and in RL.

AndFanjo ha - I dated someone for 3 years who called me 'babe'

What is MCPness?

at scary - cheeky sod

YABU

These phrases have a lot of truth in them.

I remember one of the teachers in my DSs' prep school advising them to "keep the women in your life happy" - mother, wife, teachers.

It was such great advice. Women are so influential and really make a difference. They hold more grudges than men, but also are very empathetic so will dig deeper to come alongside.

If a man doesn't respect "the missus", she has a lot of potential to make his life a complete misery.

bluestocking you were sensible to have second thoughts! I had to grit my teeth when a friend started to call her fiance 'hubby' before they were even married, and to boast about 'going shopping with hubby's credit card'.

Urgh.

Knowsabit eh?

Horrace 'ask the organ grinder' is quite a good phrase, so just about acceptable I think But how very cheeky to be calling you wifey!

Nah, I do think it's just banter. DH refers to me "the wife" which I'm not to keen really but then I call him, "him indoors". He mostly uses the correct term of "The Boss" which is actually my middle name you know.

Male Chauvinist Pig.

And Knowsabitabouteducation - so few words, so much platitudinous and sexist bullshit.

Ah, thanks Foot. I think it's more insidious than that - there are outright MCPs, but also plenty of progressive, enlightened men who still have these fragments of horrible sexist attitudes lodged in their brains...

Or rather, men who are not outright chauvinists but not actually as enlightened as they might appear.

Can you say that stuff and not think that women are not even a teeny bit lower down the pecking order than you are? After all, they are mocking phrases, are they not?

Yes, insidious, but we shouldn't really call them enlightened if they spout that shit, should we?

Horrace it would be him saying it to a friend wouldn't it...it's stupid man to man bravado. The only time I heard DH call me the missus was on the phone to his friend. I told him I didn't like it, but then felt gulty because we hadn't been married more than a few weeks and I think he was just enjoying saying he had a wife!

Oh and "progressive and enlightened" does NOT mean non-sexist. Look at the Assange malarky for evidence. Lefty men are just as capable of objectifying women and seeing them as lesser and better women that I have written reams on blogs about them.

No Foot, we should enlighten them. But gently! I am reading Delusions of Gender at the moment and it's got me a bit too enthusiastic on the looking for inequality front! Poor DH.

Aww, bless.

Ahem.

I may be wrong but didn't John Mortimer's Rumpole character coin the phrase "She who must be obeyed" for his formidable wife (Hilda?). I always thought it was mildly funny, but possibly it's a bit dated now.

I rather like the phrase I've seen on here though, "my current husband"

YANBU, I find those phrases disrespectful. I have a perfectly good name and expect people to use it.

I rather like the phrase I've seen on here though, "my current husband"

I don't.

I remember XH referring to me as his "first wife" and we were laughing. Then he had an affair and fucked off. Ha de ha.

If people find it offensive for themselves then it would be annoying for their oh to use it, in general though there's no offense intended. I'm not too impressed with being called 'the missus' but I am to be obeyed and everyone knows it

You're being oversensitive.

Christ there's loads for men too.

I suppose I imagined it to be intentionally humorous, Soupdragon. I didn't realise mentioning it would be painful for you- I'm very sorry to have mentioned it. Hard to gauge sometimes whether a thread is meant to be lighthearted or not.