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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to bring my own food to a cafe?

114 replies

vvviola · 12/10/2012 20:53

You see, I think I am, but DH thinks we have extenuating circumstances.

I'm not able to have dairy or egg as I'm still breastfeeding DD2 who is allergic to both.

I find going out for coffee & cake extremely frustrating. I have yet to find a cafe that has anything I can eat. (Am in NZ, so please no lists of wonderful UK cafes that do egg & dairy free cakes! Grin). Sometimes I can have a bagel with jam, if they do them, but that's about the height of it.

I always bring something for DD2 to eat. I have absolutely no issue with pulling out things for a 1 year old, especially one that is allergic to things.

DH reckons I should do the same for myself. We always buy coffee for me, coffee & cake for him, and juice and a biscuit for DD1. But I still can't envisage taking biscuits out for me too.

So, WIBU to bring something for myself to eat?

OP posts:
trixymalixy · 13/10/2012 08:52

"learn hunger" Hmm

I think as long as you ask if they have anything you could eat and buy it if they do, then it's fine to bring out your own biscuit.

DS as allergies and most places are probably secretly relieved if we feed him food we have brought as long as the rest of us are buying food/cake.

Original poster
vvviola · 13/10/2012 09:44

Grin Lynnette

They do like their cafes here. And you know, when in Rome...

(and I'm a student too, so sitting around drinking coffee is practically part of the job description Grin)

OP posts:
CouthyMowWearingOrange · 13/10/2012 10:32

Oh, OP - forgot to say, YANBU.

Considering when I go out ANYWHERE, I have to take GF food for DS1, and CMP, soy, nut free food for DS3, I don't see the issue.

I eat enough cake to make up for it...

I have only been in ONE cafe that had an issue with it. And I have never been there since, and neither have any of my allergy mum friends. So they've lost a hell of a lot of customers through their policy of not catering for allergy sufferers AND not letting allergy sufferers cater for themselves.

Mums with DC's with allergies talk. They pass on places which will be happy for you to bring good for your DC's with allergies and which ones won't.

And as we have meet ups in cafés, they lose a shed load of trade. Their choice. .

And we don't even go in there when we HAVEN'T got our DC's with allergies with us.

If you can't cater for our DC's, but are happy to let us, we spread the word and you get good reviews. If you actually DO cater for our DC's, you get rave reviews, and either of these will increase your trade from the allergy mums.

You will get a shitty review if you won't cater for our DC's or let us cater for them.

Most of us have other DC's, and ourselves that we buy for. I'm still buying for 3 even if I have to bring food for two. Get the trade from 3 customers, or the trade from none...

CouthyMowWearingOrange · 13/10/2012 10:36

Vvviola - often the ones that DO cater for allergies do sell everything - because the mums who have DC's with allergies will ALL flock there, as they have seen reviews of the place.

GF, CMP, nut free is easy in a café. Egg free is slightly harder.

To bake GF, CMP/dairy, nut free, all you have to do is swap ordinary flour for Dove's Farm flour, ordinary baking powder for Dove's Farm baking powder, and real butter for block Stork margarine. Simple.

Egg free is harder, I'll grant you, but not impossible.

CouthyMowWearingOrange · 13/10/2012 10:38

Even a Dairy free chocolate cake is easy, just pick a recipe that uses cocoa powder instead of melted chocolate.

usualsuspect3 · 13/10/2012 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CouthyMowWearingOrange · 13/10/2012 10:41

And why wouldn't they sell all their GF cakes? All it is is a change of brand of flour and baking powder, and the addition of a teaspoon of extra liquid in the cake (I usually use orange or lemon juice to give it some extra flavour).

They can sell the GF cakes to every customer.

My secret dream is to open a free from café!

CouthyMowWearingOrange · 13/10/2012 10:43

This weekend, I am baking GF, CMP, soy, nut free cookies, and a free from all of the above chocolate cake. Even chocolate buttercream can be made dairy free - block stork, sugar and cocoa powder creamed together.

CouthyMowWearingOrange · 13/10/2012 10:44

What makes all this laughable is that I failed my Home Ec GCSE miserably.

My teachers would have kittens if they could see me now.

I HAD to learn how to cook 5 years ago when DS1 was dxd coeliac.

Original poster
vvviola · 13/10/2012 10:51

I suppose CouthyMow, I'd assume that maybe people are a bit like me and wouldn't order the gluten free cake so they didn't deprive someone who really needed it Grin

Yes, dairy free is easy enough, but the eggs are a pain.

Although I've made 2 batches of biscuits over the past few days & you wouldn't know the difference.

I've never baked so much before Grin

OP posts:
GoldenGreen · 13/10/2012 10:55

Don't understand the logic of just not eating anything. You are taking a seat and not spending money either way so why not just have your safe snack and make sure you take your own rubbish away? The cafe gets the rest of your family's business. I can see why cafe owners get fed up with people bringing in their own stuff when they are alone/ just picky or whatever but this isn't the case here.

myBOYSareBONKERS · 13/10/2012 10:55

One thing that will solve this . . . . . get your DD to stop breastfeeding.

I too had a bottle refuser but my DS was much younger. Your DD doesn't have to have bottles - she might prefer an appropriate cup - unless of course you don't want to stop breast feeding yet, in which case I think it is perfectly reasonable to take food to an establishment that can not cater for you.

misdee · 13/10/2012 11:03

I have just had a slice of the most delicious egg and dairy free chocolate fudge cake.

NotGeoffVader · 13/10/2012 11:04

Realise this is not a major help but have you raised the issue with the cafe/cafes? If it is an independent cafe they may be able to create something to accommodate you? If it is part of a chain, contact their Head Office and put forward the suggestion? I know that some of the large (global) chains here in the UK now do gluten-free alternatives, so it's not beyond their scope, but if they don't know what their customers (or potential customers) want ...

Abra1d · 13/10/2012 11:10

But you don't have to have a biscuit, do you? I mean you won't be ravenous if you go without. I agree with talking to the cafe owner. It's not that hard to find recipes for things that they could bake and you could eat.

BigWitchLegsInWailyTights · 13/10/2012 11:13

My mate used to take her own pasta into restaurants and present them to the waiter...with a "Please ask the chef to cook these. this is the only pasta I can eat due to intolerences."

and they always did! She is very, very posh...I think they were afraid of her.

Original poster
vvviola · 13/10/2012 11:13

Grin myboys Grin when I said bottle refuser, I meant bottle, cup, spoon, anything that isn't a boob. She's a stubborn one.

I am actually working on it - not so I can eat cake again, but because there's some allergen we aren't able to identify and doc wants to simplify things to just what she has eaten.

It will be a long slow process though. Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
vvviola · 13/10/2012 11:16

Oops, I keep missing posts.

NotGeoff, one particular cafe greets me with a "sorry, still nothing", another is very good at getting my lunch order safe. But no progress on the cake/biscuit front!

OP posts:
NotGeoffVader · 13/10/2012 11:24

What a shame about the cakes/biscuits, vvviola. I have baked gluten-free and dairy-free items for friends, and have never found it that difficult - shame that the cafes can't help you.
Are you intending to bf for much longer? I am surprised that the allergens transfer so much through breastmilk, DD must have very severe allergies - I hope that she'll become more tolerant to things, or that more places will step up and cater appropriately.

NotGeoffVader · 13/10/2012 11:26

Also, check this out - don't know if they are anywhere near you, but possibly could liaise with your cafe to get some suitable products in?

Original poster
vvviola · 13/10/2012 11:31

I'm in the process of trying to give up NotGeoff. DD has other ideas. Hmm

Enough seems to transfer to give her bad stomach cramps which makes her wake every hour (she gets that as a secondary symptom after a direct exposure too). So, not life-threatening but enough to make her pretty miserable (and me, with the lack of sleep!)

OP posts:
DesperatelySeekingPomBears · 13/10/2012 11:32

YANBU OP, and I sincerely doubt the staff would think so either. I used to work in pizza hut and we would frequently get groups coming in with children that were allergic to wheat and gluten.

Everyone else would buy pizza, the kids would have their own food and no one batted an eyelid.

Laquitar · 13/10/2012 11:40

Coffee is one of the most profitable things to sell (in catering) so i suppose if you and dh buy coffees is not too bad for the owner. The other way around-if you bought biscuit and got out the thermos- would be really annoying.

Ime the reason owners don't like it is because many customers take the mickey and you have those on diet aswell with the ryvita in the handbag

If you must do it then do it at a quite time, i would avoid the Cafe's rush hour. And def don't leave the foil wrapping on the table.

Birnamwood · 13/10/2012 11:53

Do you regularly visit a particular cafe? If you do, could you ask them to make/sell a dairy/egg free cake? You can't be the only one in your area that have those particular requirements so they would still sell the rest of it assuming you don't eat the lot:)

Birnamwood · 13/10/2012 11:54

strike out failure Blush