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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to bring my own food to a cafe?

114 replies

vvviola · 12/10/2012 20:53

You see, I think I am, but DH thinks we have extenuating circumstances.

I'm not able to have dairy or egg as I'm still breastfeeding DD2 who is allergic to both.

I find going out for coffee & cake extremely frustrating. I have yet to find a cafe that has anything I can eat. (Am in NZ, so please no lists of wonderful UK cafes that do egg & dairy free cakes! Grin). Sometimes I can have a bagel with jam, if they do them, but that's about the height of it.

I always bring something for DD2 to eat. I have absolutely no issue with pulling out things for a 1 year old, especially one that is allergic to things.

DH reckons I should do the same for myself. We always buy coffee for me, coffee & cake for him, and juice and a biscuit for DD1. But I still can't envisage taking biscuits out for me too.

So, WIBU to bring something for myself to eat?

OP posts:
BeeWi · 13/10/2012 03:13

I don't think you're BU, OP. Depending on where you are in NZ too, I reckon most places would be fine with you taking something to eat. We're at the top of the south and I had to be dairy free for LO until about a month ago, so if you're in a similar area I could suggest one or two good places that are a bit more clued up on providing for those with allergies. Smile

dysfunctionalme · 13/10/2012 05:06

I think you need to do a bit more research to find cafes you can eat at, it's not THAT hard

YouSmegHead · 13/10/2012 05:16

I think you should speak to the owner/manager and get the official view for your favorite places. They might even start stocking something suitable.

squifflybobs · 13/10/2012 05:34

YANBU, especially if regular places you will still go to after your dietary restrictions have lifted. You can pay them back with extra cake later!

The Library Cafe in Onehunga is reputedly good for food allergies and v kid friendly ...

hope you well!

megandraper · 13/10/2012 05:51

Yanbuu at all. It is only by seeing the extra sales they could get that carfeswill start to provide allergy friendly food. And if it's not much then the. Occasional allergic person bringing their own won't harm business.

misdee · 13/10/2012 05:53

Yanbu. I breasted dd4 who has severe allergies. I couldn't have milk, eggs and nuts. I always had a stash of safe snack for her when out, and a biscuit for me.

megandraper · 13/10/2012 05:53

Cafenot carves! On phonr

aufaniae · 13/10/2012 06:01

YANBU if you are there in a group. It's better for the cafe to get their custom than none at all. But do tell the cafe what you're up to, they may provide something for you in the future.

Coralanne · 13/10/2012 06:13

DGS 7 has allergies.

When I take him out to lunch he politely asks for a milkshake. He then asks if they have soy milk. If they say yes he says "Great, I'll have a chocolate milkshake.

If they say no he says "Well I'll just have water then"

He is such a sweetheart.

Dolallytats · 13/10/2012 06:52

When I was first diagnosed with IBS I could barely eat anything...plain rice, plain chicken, green beans, tortilla wraps, ham and quorn sausages!!! Because of this I would take ham wraps with me if I was meeting my mum for lunch. We would go to the M&S cafe, Debenhams, John Lewis or shopping centre food halls and no-one ever said anything. We would always buy lunch/drinks for my mum, bottled water for me (couldn't have tea or coffee) and something for DS. Even now, if I was to go out for something to eat, I would have to take my own just in case there was nothing available. YANBU!!

Iteotwawki · 13/10/2012 07:40

YANBU although I'm surprised you haven't managed to find a cafe that caters for dairy & egg free - we're considered rural nz and there are several places in town that cater for food intolerant or allergic customers.

I'd agree with whoever said you're not depriving them of custom (you're buying drinks for 3 plus a snack for 1). Just explain your situation and if you can't eat anything on their menu then I can't see how they would mind you eating your own food. Most places here seem fairly laid back!

My sister is gluten/wheat/dairy intolerant and takes her own snacks everywhere (London) but buys a drink. She's had no problems.

Original poster
vvviola · 13/10/2012 07:42

dysfunctionalme I thought the same. But it just doesn't seem to be the case. Plenty of gluten free, the occasional dairy free, but dairy & egg free - nope. I hear tell of a vegan cafe somewhere in the city, but my local cafes haven't got anything.

waves at squifflybobs Onehunga you say. Interesting. A little far for an average visit, but shall keep it in mind if we're ever in the area!

OP posts:
Original poster
vvviola · 13/10/2012 07:45

Ite there is one. But they told me a cake was egg free, and when DD started to react (fairly dramatically) they said "oops, sorry, it was gluten and dairy free". I think I can be forgiven for not wanting to trust them.

Everywhere else, as I said before, often has one or the other - but never both egg and dairy free. It's a bit frustrating.

OP posts:
JeezyOrangePips · 13/10/2012 07:53

I've just done a quick google, and NZ appears to have quite a few vegan/vegetarian places to eat.

They would be able to cater for you no problem at all.

JeezyOrangePips · 13/10/2012 07:58

Cross post. What city are you in? I'm sure google would be able to help.

mutny · 13/10/2012 08:01

I really can decide. I am shocked there is no where that cater for allergies near you.

I own a restaurant and actually cater for people with allergies.

On the one hand, it's crap that places don't cater for allergic people

This ^^ argument is crap tbh. Catering for allergies can be costly and wasteful. We have a few choice ok the menu that can easily changed to gluten free, but to offer a full range we need to know before hand. It is not worth dh making gluten free cakes everyday when we only get, perhaps, 1 ceoliac a month in. And we are well know as one of the only place in our area that cater for allergies.

The other problem I have is people who pretend they have allergies. And yes it does happen. A regular customer had a party at our restaurant and his friend could only eat about 3 foods. The regular told us later that it wasn't an allergy, he was picky and preferred taking his own food into restaurants so said it was an allergy as people had let him before. However as we cater for allergies that wasn't an option.

Another objection would be other customers. You would be surprised by the amount of people that moan about what others are doing.

I see your point OP, but honestly (I have allergies) I would simply have a coffee.

Proudnscary · 13/10/2012 08:02

I could sympathise if you were talking about a scenario where you were starving hungry for a main meal and the eatery options were severely limited.

But you are talking about being deprived of, err, some cake.

You can live without eating a cake or a biscuit you know.

You could take a leaf after of Coralanne's delightful sounding son - and yes do some research/listen to advice re vegan places.

KazzaRazza · 13/10/2012 08:15

As previous posters have said, just ask and if they say no then go somewhere else (we always said yes but if the bosses were in they would say no but that's a whole other thread!!!).

On the matter of places catering for allergies, I think this is unreasonable. You talk about cafes so I'm guessing we're talking about fairly small, independently run places (I used to work in one). It's just not possible for these typse of places to cater for the numerous food allergies out there. We tried a gluten free cake (as we had been asked for it) and ended up throwing away more than half as it went mouldy before being eaten. We tried soy milk and again had to throw away nearly a full container - it was just not cost effective.

I can appreciate how frustrating it is at having your diet limited in this way but to say that places should cater for allergies is just not practical.

KittyFane1 · 13/10/2012 08:15

YABU. For all of the above reasons.

Original poster
vvviola · 13/10/2012 08:20

To be honest Proudnscary that's pretty much what I do. If they don't have anything, I have a tea or a black coffee and vicariously enjoy DH's cake.

It was DH who suggested it. I think he's tired of me gazing longingly at his cake. I was just considering it - but I did say I thought it might make me feel uncomfortable.

There may be plenty of vegetarian/vegan restaurants & cafes in NZ, but they just aren't in my area, or the areas I regularly go. I must remember to do a quick search before I go further afield though. Might surprise myself Grin

OP posts:
primigravida · 13/10/2012 08:24

Where in Auckland are you? As Cosset in Mt Albert and the Unbakery in Kingsland both do lovely egg free and dairy free cakes and biscuits.

primigravida · 13/10/2012 08:25

Try the happy cow website for vegan cafes.

Original poster
vvviola · 13/10/2012 08:42

That's a great site - thanks! As expected, nothing at all near me (North Shore), but I'll definitely keep an eye on it for when we travel or go further afield.

Will be nice to find places we can all eat as DD2 gets a bit older too. Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
vvviola · 13/10/2012 08:44

Oh, and I agree about places catering for allergies not being feasible. I often wonder whether they sell all the gluten free cakes.

Doesn't mean I can't wish that they had something nice I could eat though.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 13/10/2012 08:49

I'm imagining, based on this thread, that people in NZ spend their days eating out in cafes.