AIBU to not want my nan to pre-pay her funeral?

[IWishIWasSheRa]

Bless my Nan, she just came round and told me that she is going to pre-pay £2100 each for her and my grandads' funerals so when they die we only have to make one phonecall.
I hate talking about this stuff so was a bit shocked at how morbid the whole conversation seemed, especially as they are only 76 and with reasonable health.

She said it was inflation proof and whenever she died the funeral would be at todays prices etc, it would be less for us to worry about, it is protected in case the company go bust- she's done a lot of work but I also consider her to be quite gullible bless her- often she signs up to things for a free pen or a toaster (Sunlife for example) Someone is making a profit from elderly people this way, is it really what they say it is?

They have £20,000 savings and I don't want them to part with a quarter of it now so that they may end up having to be more careful with money in a few years time, I would rather they used the cash to be comfortable in their lives. To be crass, the funeral could be billed to the estate and the funeral costs be paid after probate. Is that sensible or should I let her go ahead and do this?

I would be really grateful for any advice, she is worried they will end up in a home leaving no inheritance and no funeral money (house is worth 100k). I just want them to be comfortable and not worry about this now, I keep telling them we don't want any inheritance but she thinks this is a good option.

My Gran did,this and my mum and dad did it years ago, there is no way me and DH could afford funerals without taking out,loans.

DH asked his dad if he had made any arrangements and he replied "no it will your problem then. I wont care". Thanks for that

Aw Downton that made me sniff a bit too.

My dad died a young man (48) I was only 22 and we had to spend months tracking down bank accounts and such like, finding insurance policies, and sorting everything out. It was so hard. But he didn't think he was going to die, he was young and had years ahead to sort his affiars.

It was so hard organising his funeral because it had never been discussed. He had a family burial plot that he bought the year before when his mother died, he bought one for all of his siblings. That was all I had to go on.

Since then, my mother, brother and I have given each other a pack, listing all of our bank accounts and their pass codes, any insurance policies, wills etc.

Because we have also been through the sheer hell that is probabte on a complicated estate, we have made legal notes of who owns what of each others to make it easier next time. E.g my DM has some valuable art that technically belongs to me and my brother as we inherited it from DF.

I agree with the majority. I wish more people would think ahead and plan and talk about their wishes.

When my grandad died we didn't even know if he wanted to be buried or cremated. My other grandparents as a result talked to the family and made their wishes known which makes everything so much easier.

My family know my funeral plan but I hope it's not needed for a very long time!

My Dad has done the same, including account details for bank, pension, savings etc. He had a heck of a time after his mum died so has tried to make it easier for us. I hope to do the same. Definitely a good thing to do.

At my uncles funeral we had no idea what he wanted, things are still a bit grey with the will. He died very unexpectedly and it was made more tough not knowing hymns etc he wanted.

Britta you sound like a woman after my own heart.
I have made arrangements to have my body left to medical science after death if my organs cannot be used for transplant - and they may not depending on how/when /what I die of.
I've registered my wishes with my local University and have details of what needs to done in the event of my death.
They name a local undertaker who deals with all the arrangements after death and I had the option of informing family once cremation has taken place (this could be up to 3 years after death) and having family receive ashes or not informing family and ashes disposed of in a respectful manner (my choice).
Doing this means that I will not cost my family a single penny, to dispose of me after death. Providing the University want my carcass of course, and they are a bit picky!

Bless her heart my dear old Gran knew her time was short so she not only sorted her own funeral but also cleared out as many of her belonging as practical and sorted and labelled photo albums. I hope I have the chance do do the same when my time comes.

DH and I are leaving our bodies to medical science.
No funeral costs at all.
The medical school will collect our bodies from wherever we die, do their stuff, cremate the remains and return the ashes to our families between six months and three years later.

So money will be saved for a HECK of a wake.

Winged or Talkin - how do you set about arranging that?
Not particularly from the money POV, more from the "Well, it's no use to me, I'd like to help medical science" pov, it's something I'd like to do, but I've never got round to finding out how.

This has been such an eye opener, thank you for your moving stories- the photo labelling and letters got me a bit choked. . I have always thought it a good idea to have an envelope with someone's last wishes in but it had never occurred to me that you could pay for it in advance.
I rang my nan and told her what you all said and we agreed it was a good idea and I apologised for thinking it was a scam. She knows if the savings run out for everyday living we will all help and you are right, she will have peace of mind knowing we don't have to worry about this when the time comes.
Thank you

Backforgood
www.hta.gov.uk/bodyorganandtissuedonation/howtodonateyourbody.cfm
One set of papers with our wills, one set sent to the medical school, one set with the lawyers. No costs at all.

Many in my family have done it.

Thanks Talkin - that was quick!

I am 42 and i have been considering this. I've told my kids that i want mum flowers and am choosing the music i want playing at the cremation and that i want my ashes scattered here not abroad, they need to know these things....

MrsDeVere, the biggest cost with DD1's funeral was purchasing her burial lair. It was £1100, but there is space for three so DH and I will go in with her.

The church didn't charge, and the funeral directors charged only £400 for everything as she was a child.

I'm glad my folks bought theirs and made plans and we'll buy our funerals as soon as we're able.

My mum recently lost her husband and was shocked at the price of his funeral so she has pre paid for hers. I'm glad she has actually. DH and I will be sorting ours out once we finish paying for the house. ( 2 years to go )

I know it is horrid to think about, but I lost 2 of my grandparents within about 18 months. The second had preplanned, prepaid everything. When the time came we could hand over to the funeral directors & they put everything in the she had wanted. It was lovely to know that she had cared enough to save us the worry at such a sad time.

The bit we did NOT tell the solicitor who did our wills is that we both want our ashes packed into fireworks and blasted off (as Johnny Depp did for Hunter S Thompson)

Part of my work involves looking at burial records and there is nothing sadder than a double depth grave where the survivor has found somebody else to be buried with.

MrsDeVere
my great aunt used to carry her late husband around with her - all over the world (before 9/11 security rules) - she would open her handbag and talk to him. Lots. Used to freak out taxi drivers !

i looked at pre-pay - it was about £4500! where are they getting it at such a good price?
i don't want to leave my daughter with the financial burden of disposing of my body.

I think it is lovely and caring to try and relieve her loved ones of extra stress during a dreadful time.

I think it sensible everything sorted and paid for. Two of my GP have ashes in a wardrobe because no-one can decide what to do with them.

DH family shopped around for a funeral for his GP which made a massive difference in cost terms but half the family was abroad and couldn't get back and it was a long time coming after a long painful illness and there was a family member willing and able to do it. It raised eye brows as it not common practice but saved a heck of a lot for the surviving spouse which helped them mainly funding their ongoing care needs.

@MrsDeVere have you considered suggesting that idea to the Coop? They have their community benefit schemes and that sounds like a wonderful one to tie in with their funeral care?

Or you could apply for a grant to set up the charitable trust? A lot of work though. www.co-operative.coop/membership/local-communities/

That's an amazing idea, MrsD! I love it! :)

For all those who do not have a huge sense of "place"
I would strongly suggest medial science.

my grandparents were married for over 60 years
but it turned the deaths from funerals into celebrations - as there was no body with a time limit
AND
when the ashes are ready you can ask as much or as little as you want about the research projects (we are a science family, we were nosey - and inspired by the outcome)
and they hold them for free till you are ready

this has been the case in the UK and the USA

as an atheist I firmly view the body as transient, but the memories as the cool bit - so no body = no hassle

Sorry, Talkin', but I don't like the idea of teenagers at university (medical school) cutting me up.