AIBU to not want my nan to pre-pay her funeral?

[IWishIWasSheRa]

Bless my Nan, she just came round and told me that she is going to pre-pay £2100 each for her and my grandads' funerals so when they die we only have to make one phonecall.
I hate talking about this stuff so was a bit shocked at how morbid the whole conversation seemed, especially as they are only 76 and with reasonable health.

She said it was inflation proof and whenever she died the funeral would be at todays prices etc, it would be less for us to worry about, it is protected in case the company go bust- she's done a lot of work but I also consider her to be quite gullible bless her- often she signs up to things for a free pen or a toaster (Sunlife for example) Someone is making a profit from elderly people this way, is it really what they say it is?

They have £20,000 savings and I don't want them to part with a quarter of it now so that they may end up having to be more careful with money in a few years time, I would rather they used the cash to be comfortable in their lives. To be crass, the funeral could be billed to the estate and the funeral costs be paid after probate. Is that sensible or should I let her go ahead and do this?

I would be really grateful for any advice, she is worried they will end up in a home leaving no inheritance and no funeral money (house is worth 100k). I just want them to be comfortable and not worry about this now, I keep telling them we don't want any inheritance but she thinks this is a good option.

edith my nan and great aunt are both with the Co-Op. They wouldn't tell me how much it cost but said they offer a good deal. I definitely agree with using a long standing funeral directors.

I intend to do it too when I am older.having organised 3 funerals, its a comfort to know it is all sorted ,cos its the biggest hassle when you are trying to grieve for the person.

Anyway, its MY farewell party on this earth, so in the words of Frank Sinatra, "I'm doing it my way" :o

If it gives you peace of mind, you can ask her the name of the company and make sure they are reputable. There are many funeral companies about who do do what your Nan is talking about and all the money will be set up in a trust so it cannot be lost or stolen and will rise with inflation to cover the costs. You can also view the Dying Matters website for more information on these issues (very informative website and lovely charity).

I'm of the mindset that it's good to talk about death and plan for these things - not planning for it tends to make it worse not better and won't prevent the inevitable. My DH and I have it all planned out and are buying a funeral plan (you can buy lump sum or space it out, the one we're going with - Peace Funerals - lets payments be spaced out over 5 years). Pre-planned and paid for is really starting to become the norm.

My nan did this a few years ago. It put her mind at rest and we knew she had the funeral and service she wanted. apart from being an emotional mess and unable to plan anything when she died, money was tight too. it would have taken time and phonecalls to release funds from my nans estate so she really did make things easier. we were able to see her off in style without preperation aznd worries.

My Mum and Dad both did this - I don't know at what point, because we only found out when Dad died. They particularly wanted to use the same director that dealt with arrangements for my brother, who died as a child. She hasn't arranged any details for the funeral itself, but is happy knowing that she has personally taken care of the payment.

In fact, I'd been half thinking that dh and I should do something similar, but dh really doesn't want to discuss it. It's going to be complicated as one thing we need to choose is whether it should be in his country or mine.

Totally sound concept.

I wish more people would talk about such things. My Mother is entering the terminal phase of a chronic illness and as a family we talk about such things - funerals, DNAR orders, inheritance money, clothes, disposal of stuff.

Her family are appalled and think it is mawkish yet when their bloody father died my little sister didn't inherit anything as he had a badly written out of date will which predated her (she was 6 at the time...) and apparently his widow hasn't changed in in the intervening 30 years so GOK what will happen when she dies (which as she is in her late 90s is going to be sometime fairly soon).

I think anyone who disuades someone from making funeral/ inheritance plans is an idiot. I'm young and healthy, yet my father/ siblings know where my will is, that I'm an organ donor and what kind of funeral I would like (non religious).

People die. It is part of life. Talking about it makes dealing with it easier.

my fil had a pre paid funeral plan and it made things so much easier when the time came to use it. All it took was one phone call and then everything happened according to the wishes of my fil. Everything was covered from the coffin, church and service, crem, cars and even down to his suit he wanted to wear.
So much easier than when i had to arrange a family members funneral last year when i had to rely on odd things he had said in the past to try to do what he would have wanted along with the wishes of family members with different views.

YABU (and I mean that nicely).

My Dad actually paid for my Gran's, at her request, about 10yrs before she died, so he got very good value for money.

She picked the hymms herself, including one we'd never heard of, but she'd insisted upon and it still makes me smile to remember us mumbling through it at her funeral.

Most of all, it was lovely not to have to worry about anything, especially as her death was a bit of a shock when it happened

I think its a great idea.

My mother died suddenly and there was no money for a funeral. I had to deal with the shock and awfulness and also had to worry about organising and somehow paying for a funeral as well.
I think everyone should do it if they can.

MIL did this but she had terminal cancer. It made things a lot easier for DH and SIL at a difficult time for them.

What happens if there is no money for a funeral? They have to do something with the body, surely?

I might set up a plan with £50 to pay the council bulky waste collection :-D

i think she has paid for the peace of mind, in a way now she doesn't have to worry about her death.

my nan has paid for her funeral, all we have to do is pick up the phone and the funeral is all done.

it shell shocked us, as even though my nan is 79 we had to think of her dying, which tbh we haven't thought of until then :(

If their is no money, your family has to borrow.

If there is really no money in the estate to pay for a funeral, then three things can happen:

A) either NOK, friend or other volunteer arranges the funeral at their own expense,
B) or direct family member who is low-income applies for state funeral grant (this will cover only a very basic funeral, though)
C) the Council will provide a pauper's funeral (which may be in a communal grave).

Morbid as it may appear, that sounds like an absolutely brilliant idea. My Mum really struggled to arrange my Nan's funeral and having to deal with costs when she was trying to grieve for her mum really upset her. I think I might do something like this so that when the time comes, the grim job of arranging and paying for the funeral is done and dusted.

What is the cheapest funeral? (Ie disposal of body, maybe some basic time fo people to say something). Actually, would it be possible for my body to be used for science, then cremated, and just the ashes given o my family so they can say words as they o something with the ashes? Would that be cheaper? Or is it the actual burning that costs the money?

I just hate the idea of four months wages going on something that nobody even enjoys. Our wedding cost £150, and it was great, I don't want to spend more on my funeral than my wedding...

My grandad had a 'proper' funeral, and it was lovely, in his church, with the choir he was in walking in front of the coffin, and a proper grave with space for my nana when she dies, etc. but he was the type of man to do things properly, very traditional, etc.

I would rather my body gets used as much as possible, then my family can chuck it in the bin if they want, and go on holiday with the funeral money

My nan and grandad done this. When my grandad died last April it was so much easier on my nan. The cars, the urn, and the coffin decisions had already been made. It's not just financially better its so much less stress at a very hard time.

YABU and your nan is being very responsible.

Having had my mums funeral recently, arranging a funeral is hugely traumatic so shortly after someone's death. It would all be much easier if everything was in place. Plus you know they have to a degree chosen what they want.

My parents are only 60 but bought a double plot at the cemetary. Sadly my mum passed very unexpectedly this year and my dad was very relieved that she had chosen where she wanted to be.

I think it is very good of your nan to do this, the cash aside, she is saving everyone a lot of emotional upset.

I hate talking about this stuff so was a bit shocked at how morbid the whole conversation seemed, especially as they are only 76 and with reasonable health.

Morbid? Shocked?

Newsflash: EVERYONE is going to die. And at 76, it's more than likely that Nan and Granda are going to cark it sooner rather than later.

She's being very sensible and responsible and taking control of her life, which is going to include death, same as for all of us.

As far as 'letting her go ahead with this', she is an adult who is free to do as she pleases with her money.

My parents bought and paid for theirs yonks ago! They are 71 and 76. Have always made sure their wills are up to date, insurances, etc.

Everyone dies! You never know when, either.

The idea that talking about death is morbid, shocking and unpleasant is the reason bereavement is so poorly dealt with in this society.

We're expected by many to hide grief over loss, 'move on' so as not to upset others.

Well, stuff them!

Avoiding discussion of what is a certainty for us is downright stupid and silly.

Let her do it - the money will only come out of her estate anyway if she doesn't. But make sure you know where to find the policy when the time comes. MY MIL died unexpectedly this summer and although she told us a couple of years ago that she had paid for her funeral we could find no paperwork! We paid for it (out of her estate) and even though we had the most basic cremation it still came to about £3,500 - so it looks like your Nan has got a good deal. Also, there is nothing morbid about discussing the kind of funeral you would like - knowing whether someone wants to cremated or buried and where they want their ashes to go is very comforting when the time comes, much better than having to second guess.

I would like to tell you a story.

About 10 years ago my Dad wrote me a letter. He did not give it to me until a few weeks before he died. It was to be opened in the event of his death. It went a bit like this.

Dear Downton,
I am sorry to have to write to you like this but it must be done. If you are reading this I am no longer with you.

I have a policy which will pay out £ when I die. It will pay for my funeral. I have secured a burial plot at * church. I would like the male voice choir to sing. Perhaps you could ask them to do such and such song. I'm sure they will be pleased to do this. I think you could consider the Crab and Loster afterwards as it is close by.

All my papers and will are with solicitors. I have enclosed a copy of my will and have named you as executor etc etc

From Downtons Dad.

I can't tell you how much easier it made everything for us. The policy paid out within 5 days enabling us to have the funeral he wanted without worrying about cost- they are very expensive!

Still makes me sniff a bit, it was 2 years ago now.

It can be hard to think about our loved ones dying but the fact is that it's going to happen to all of us in the end. I think your nan is being very considerate in organising this. In any case you can't stop her, she's an adult and is using her own money

My OH and I are both in good health and in our late thirties but we have got funeral insurance. We organised our life insurance and funeral insurance when DS was born a few years back. If, heaven forbid, something should happen to one of us, it means that the other one will be able to get on with grieving and caring for the children without having to worry about the financial aspect.