Was IBU to say to DH by all means travel 250miles for a night out but take the kids with him...

[cfc]

Simplified title, as always, but here's the long and the short of it.

DH's best friend, who we all love, came home from Aus and he spend Saturday with him and other friends in London for a fab day/night out. I was so happy he got to see him, as they miss each other and DH has been working so very hard both in his job and with a new Degree he's just started (without much discussion with me re time that was going to be spent on this btw, but that's another thread).

I am currently pg with no. 3 and having a hell of a bad time with it. Hyperemesis, pain, depression, insomnia...not to mention the relentless whingeing of my boy and NOW the girl has turned!! I've broken down in front of the kids after being whinged at all day last week when DH was in USA for a week with work. Then on his return I broke down again after a particularly bad day where he was here, in body, but tucked away doing his studies.

I was genuinely happy with him meeting up with his mates as he really does deserve it, and so do they! I was happy to have yet another day and night alone with them and in the end we had visitors (not helpful visitors!!) so I wasn't alone or anything.

Anyway, tonight he's off at work so he can get something done so he can go meet same friend tomorrow and take the day off work. I need a day off - one fucking day off. Can he takea day off work to take the children out for me? No. I can't recall him taking both out at once anyway, he's shit scared of it!

Then, he asks if we're able to go to our home town (250 miles away) where our families live in a week and a half so that he can go out with said friend again and all his other friends. I won't go, I said, but of course he can go but he'll have to take the two kids. It would be great for them to see his parents before little one arrives and like I said there are his family and mine up there for babysitting duty when he's heading out with the lads.

He gets into the foulest of moods, asking why I won't go. I am having a fucking 'mare of a time - so sick. Having floated through my previous pregnancies I am finding this a real drag. Literally sometimes! I cannot imagine sitting in a car for that long at all. I have a primal urge to remain close to home and lastly I'd just LOVE to be left alone for a minute, nevermind a weekend!! I'd be able to sort out my house after our building work and finally nest and rest...but I swear this was NOT my first thought. My first thought was genuinely that I couldn't stand traveling and not being in my own bed whilst so close to the end.

I said to him, what's the difference? Do you want me to travel with you so that you have a nanny on tap? Was I not invited out with you? He stormed off out of the car accusing me of turning everything into an argument.

Sorry it's so long.

Was I unreasonable to tell him to go and take the kids with him?

Hi guys and thanks again for taking the time to input.

Dilys, yes, I won't LTB just yet!! And I did so appreciate the afternoon, evening, night, morning lie in etc along with meals, breakfast in bed etc, spa treatments and yes, it was him with them putting them to bed and getting up with them - but this is really no great shakes, tbf to my LOs they are good at going to bed and I don't believe they gave him any gip in the night or whatever - they only tend to when ill.

The sleeping arrangements would be very, very tight and will be with just the two boys going. My ILs have their ILs living with them due to illnesses etc and their house is teeny weeny (but perfectly formed!). The husband and the LOs would have to sleep downstairs in the living room which is fine with DH + 1 but when you add another into the equation it leads to broken nights for ALL (inc. My poor MIL and GMIL who aren't in the greatest of health). We tried it once - never again we decided!!

If I was going we could stay at my parents' house, but due to various reasons my sister and her 4 year old have just moved in and, although more space there, it's a good old drive from ILs and my DM works overnight at the weekends (though not for much longer). My DH and sister aren't on the terms they once were on - brilliant terms - due to various bits and pieces that have gone on, I've done a thread about it before, but suffice to say she's done some pretty awful things and even since that thread, there have been more 'revelations' that have led to more strain on all our rellies. So without me there, he wouldn't stay there, at my homestead. That's the long and the short of it.

In his mind I have NO DOUBT that if I were joining him, we would all be staying there and I'd be minding kids overnight while he parties with the lads - there's no way I am fit to go out, he knows this, and whilst I would meet the guys for lunch during the day my mother (or his, we'd be meeting literally half way) would have the LOs during this time. Perhaps the boy would be with us as one of them is his Godfather.

So, convoluted, and completely TMI to 'out' me, those are the facts - I really do see his point about the sleeping arrangements.

I suppose what I want/need from him is a new way of thinking. Instead of the grand gestures of the night in a posh hotel once a week, a general higher running of understanding from him 100% of the time would be better.

With regards to the birth - however it happens - he will have his paternity leave and then some time working from home so he can take the LOs to nursery. His parents will come to visit after the 2 weeks pat leave is up and then my mum will come after they've left. So, I will be well covered for the 6 weeks' recovery needed after a section. I was planning on going home to have the baby but sister's actions have again affected someone else without her caring and there's not really the space to have all of us live there for a month and a half. Though a weekend is grand.

I am VERY lucky to have a supremely helpful DM and a very generous with her time etc MIL who are willing and ready to come to us. This is how we managed last time and it was fine - though an EMCS is a fucker to get over compared to a natural which was how the boy arrived.

Having said that if we could manage without ILs staying for a long time to 'help' that would be great as as I alluded to above MIL isn't in the best of health and FIL does NOTHING to help.
Literally, nothing. So I would feel a bit like we had guests and would try to be hostess, which is just the complete opposite of what I should be doing after the birth - however it happens.

But MIL is so willing, I know it breaks her heart that she can't get down on the floor with the kids like my DM does and rough play with them, or take them to the park with the dog for a walk etc. She can't red-out the kitchen or do the bathroom as my DM did last time - I know this bothers her, but she's an angel and a real lady. I love her. But they wouldn't be the most helpful of visitors! But I can't wait for them to meet number 3 nonetheless.