To think Mumsnet has changed me?? (or Mumsnet vs The Real World)

[Proudnscary]

Mumsnet has changed my thoughts and attitudes in the four years I've been prowling these 'ere boards.

I have a big group of friends in RL and a lively, jokey social life blah de blah but my hackles get raised so much more quickly now. My attitude and knowledge about feminism, porn, domestic abuse, is much more evolved than it was pre Mumsnet (I didn't really think about these things to be honest). Now I speak up and challenge dodgy views - (hopefully) in a good natured/bantery way.

BUT it's weird when you get a RL vs Mumsnet jolt! When a group of intelligent, fab real life women talk dismissively about things that people would go nuts about on here. It's like a parallel universe in some ways. So sometimes I think it's made me go slightly insania.

Anyone else remotely know what I mean?!

Why yes. Yes I do.

It is funny, the words and phrases I've picked up. I was just at a baby shower recently and a friend's husband (originally from the UK) said "is this Angel Delight?" and I said "no, fruit dip" while the rest of the guests were asking "What's angel delight?" in baffled tones. :o

Just you sm.

million

mn hasn't significantly changed me.so what? doesn't negate my experience
I've always approached mn as words on a screen
it's like a fave mag... horse and hound

op I think you're reading a different thread,where is this desperation for scrap
I can't see any spoiling for fight anywhere it's all I luffs mn and
and despite you being op you've not got editorial control to moderate posts.

If you dont get affected by what others say,do you expect others to get affected by what you say,or should we all read your posts as "horse and hound".
Why not just lurk. Unless you appreciate the attention. Though that is ok,if that is what you get out of MN.

you have paraphrased erroneously.i said mn hasnt significantly changed me. i didnt say post have not affected me.i said posts havent changed me.which is different

i have also acknowledged mn provokes a range of emotions and response in posters.others can take my posts on any level they wish i cannot moderate the response of another.we all bring our own class,cultiral,experiential preferces to mn and this influences preferences and posts

mn funny,sad.thought provoking.and one can engage on any level one choses.its not obligatory to feel changed.nor does fact im unchanged negate my experience.

others report they feel changed by mn.thats their lived subjective experience
im unchanged thats my lived subjective experience
both absolutely correct

I found a mumsnet thread just after my op for breast cancer last year and have had loads of support from ladies in a similar situation and helped me process my thoughts. But talking about changing me this c25k thread gave me the kick to put my trainers on and start running. Now I like to run 5k every Saturday morning at www.parkrun.com and I'm meeting rl people there!

I am sorry that I didnt really see that you had used the word "significantly".
I have become so used to you saying things like "words on a page yada yada yada" or somesuch,that I skimmed your post.
Nice to see you write more than your usual 3 lines,I sort of was beginning to think you couldnt do more than that!
You are getting into my psyche!

Are you saying posts affect you,but not change you?
I dont understand at all what you mean by that.

yes your presumnptive preemptive interpretation caused you to make error.apology accepted
we all bring nuances and preferences to mn.that affects how one posts or read post
its not your role to instruct how anyone posts or enages on mn.thats mnhq role

I agree that MN has changed my views on a lot of things, and now I believe I am much more understanding when confronted with a lot of the issues raised here. I believe I have learned a little more about diplomacy and the value of genuine sympathy and I like to think that if I were presented with the opportunity I would prove myself a worthier human than I was before.

SM do I think you ARE protesting too much

I do admire your perseverence.

You didnt at all answer my last paragraph at least I dont think you did,I am trying to read super carefully.
You dont have to answer it if you dont want to.

scottishmummy I haven't read the most recent 100 posts, but your 'words on a page' comment got me thinking about the fact that I've read a lot of books in my life and that some of those words on a page have profoundly affected me. Just because they're words on a different sort of page doesn't mean that posts on MN can't change you.

You keep saying (or at least you did say once, I presume you've repeated it since) that MN hasn't changed you at all (for better or worse). In that case you must be a bit like Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way :)

I beg your pardon SM, you say it hasn't changed you significantly. A minor detail perhaps but you do seem to like those and so I thought I'd flag my error!

Interesting that MN hasn't significantly changed you SM, as you are the one poster I think of when I think of someone whose posting style has changed over the years.

MN has made me much more aware of disability/SN issues and I hope that has made me more understanding in RL.

I have just one best friend in RL, but we don't see as much of each other as we used to because we moved and she has been busy starting up a new business. When we chat/get together it's as we left off, but I really miss her. I do have a couple of other close friends, but we only get together every couple of months. I am one of the Mums who everyone talks to in the playground, yet I'm not in anyone's gang. I don't know some days what I would do without MN. From the short time I've been on here, I have found people to be very supportive and informative, some posts have made me cry in recognition of a situation or just make me sad for the poster. Just as importantly, many of you make me smile/laugh if I'm having a crap day. I feel more informed on certain issues and am more open-minded.

I love the fact that there is such a range of ages and backgrounds all mixing in together - I feel like that doesn't happen enough in my own RL - probably my fault. So MN has exposed me to more variety of opinion - and strength of opinion! - than I'm used to. Thanks MN!

Also, it's made me careful about language - things like saying "an SN child" - "no, it's a child with SN". I hope I'm more likely to speak out when I hear offensive or outdated terms being used (watch out, family-in-law!).

The other thing that MN has done to me is to RUIN my eyesight!! Hours of nightfeeds while peering at tiny text on my phone has done it, I swear - at the age of 30something bifocals are beckoning - thanks a LOT MN!

JugglingWithPossibilities That was a kind thing to post, thank you.

I think I'm a lot less judgemental now than I was 3 years ago and more likely to consider the factors that cause someone to behave in a certain way. I park my car more considerately to pedestrians - remembering to leave plenty of space for double buggies! I know a lot more about SN than I did. My eyes have been opened somewhat about what poverty can really mean in this country. MN also made me realise that I wasn't pulling my weight around the house so I've made DH happy by sorting that out.

I don't agree with lots of things on the boards. I have no particular opinion on BF vs FF, although I BFed DS and have supported BFing friends. I think the list of things that 'MNers' consider vulgar is ridiculous - family photos, sausage rolls, laminate flooring, shopping at Asda etc. I get irritated by the posters who take everything to extremes, shout '-ism' at the drop of a black hat, seem to believe that no one is just a horrible human being without any justification whatsoever, who don't think that anyone could possibly be screwing the benefits system or who are rude and intolerant about religion. I disagree with the rad-fems. I don't think it's a crime to be middle class or vote Conservative. Probably lots of other things :o

I don't think it's changed me that much - it's more made me confident of my own voice - Yes, I probably do have an opinion on everything in case you've not noticed (except some corners hidden to me such as style and beauty or pets - generally I pick up threads from discussions of the day or most active )

Also though - am much more aware of important issues such as SN and support for children & carers, SANDS, emotional abuse, living in poverty, sexual violence, to name a slightly depressing but very important few Hard to say how much such increased awareness changes you ... but I'm sure as far as it does it's definitely for the better.

I know what you mean but I've only been using MN for about 6 months and I love it! I feel it's made me realise that what I'm thinking half the time is perfectly normally and I've posted on here which I was pleasantly surprised at the replies which gave me a massive boost of confidence........
What I find with my RL friends is that they don't always tell the truth, all their children seem to have been perfect through all their ages but on here you get the truth which I love!
It's also been great for my relationship as I don't moan to him anymore, I come on here realise I'm normally and a lot better off than some then go about my day feeling very happy!
Keep it up MN

Surfing - I think it's been good for my relationship in realising dh is a good bloke and specifically doesn't think that housework is a woman's job like some twunts posters lament about!

I don't feel it's affected my opinions really.

It's introduced me to mooncups and shown me a side of life I didn't know much about- Waitrose world, for want of a better phrase!

I can still see both sides of most issues, so I'm not influenced by strong opinions on such topics as feminism, which I know many people are passionate about etc.

I also recognise that while it's a forum with great integrity, there are still some posters who will play devils advocate, pick fights etc. The ones which make me most sad are people who are obviously highly intellegent, but pick apart others who are less so or (even worse!) are so passionate about what they're trying to get across that they become a bit incoherant. If I was unsure about another posters meaning I would ask them to clarify it (nicely.)

I have been lurking for absolutely ages but don't think I have ever posted and if I have it's been under the influence of a Merlot - but just say the way that MN has changed me the most is to make me feel like a normal Mum . Before I thought everyone else was doing it right and I was doing it wrong - now I just know which doing it as best as we can ....but I'm not the one who finds it all a leeeetle too much some days .....