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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that it is really strange if you have twins to always dress them the same?

131 replies

jennymac · 05/10/2012 22:54

I know a few people with twins, both identical and non-identical, and they dress them in identical clothes all the time. Why would you do this? They are different children, just because they were born the same day, why would you dress them identically? If you had two girls born a year apart would you dress them in the same clothes, day in, day out? I think it is like treating children as if they are dolls!

OP posts:

TiggyD · 06/10/2012 19:41

I have 2 shoes that are virtually identical. I like them that way as I think they look smarter. If I put a woolly hat on one and a sombrero on the other it would just look weird.

candr · 06/10/2012 20:53

As a twin I hate it when people put their kids in the same clothes and use the crap excuse of 'we were bought 2 sets the same' - do they have no other clothes that they have to wear same outfit on same day? Let your children have their own identities and they will be much more secure growing up. If you put them in the same class it is much harder to develope own personalitiy as other children (and adults) treat you as one person. My sister and I are close but have different lives. We felt more confident growing up and trying new things as we did not rely on each other for support.
Parents that do this to their kids make it harder for the rest of us to teach people that we are separate people and twins are not half a person each.

goldenlula · 06/10/2012 20:55

I have 2 ds' just over 2 years apart. They have, in the past, had some outfits the same, not an everyday thing, just some the same some different. They are now 6 and 4 and it tends to be just 'special occasion' clothes that are the same now. I think it is each to their own.

aquashiv · 06/10/2012 22:00

Whats with all the twin things tonight?
I think matching anything looks daft.

anniebunny · 06/10/2012 22:15

I have ID twins and never dress them the same- round here it's mostly the DZ twins that seems to be dressed identially- it looks weird and awful- just one more thing for them to talk to their therapist about in later life. Laziness on the part of the parents and attention seeking- 'look at my TWINS'.

They are the same parents who call them 'the twins'- SHUDDER!

jellybeans · 06/10/2012 22:19

' If you put them in the same class it is much harder to develope own personalitiy as other children (and adults) treat you as one person. '

I disagree. Also many don't have a choice in one class per year schools! Additionaly same clothes doesn't mean single identity otherwise why do school kids share a uniform? There is much more to identity than dress! Some people are over agressive about how others dress their kids. My mum dressed me and my sister the same and we aren't twins! Doesn't bother me a jot. Many people call my sons 'the twins'. I don't but it really doesn't bother me.

AlwaysHoldingOnToStarbug · 06/10/2012 22:27

I've never dressed mine in the same clothes as having 2 older brothers meant i had loads of hand me downs to put them in. Plus dressing the same would mean I would have to be organised with my washing, and that is never gonna happen!

Of course once they started school they were dressed the same anyway.

Interesting about same/different classes. My two were split up and DS4 wouldn't talk in class but would in the playground. He never said why he wouldn't talk (even to me if I went in his class) but I wonder if it was to do with being split from DS3? He has gradually got more confident (in year 4) and the school decided to put them in a class together, which I think has actually helped as they play together with the same friends.

Snog · 06/10/2012 22:28

Establising your own Identity is so important - twins dressed the same is cute but I would never do it myself.

LadyBeagleEyes · 06/10/2012 22:32

I wish me and my twin had been put in separate classes.
We were never in our school years treated as individuals, it wasn't till my twin left school a year before me that I was actually LadyB and not twin.
It wouldn't have stopped us being close, we still are, but through choice now.

Jojay · 06/10/2012 22:43

I've got b/g twins and know quite a few twinny people.

The ones who dress them the same are always the ones who moan that people don't treat them as individuals, blah blah blah.

sausagesandwich34 · 06/10/2012 22:52

I'm a f/m twin (stopped being b/g years ago)

I was always in red, my brother in blue until we started school

it was only the middle of summer when I was in dresses we were different but then my summer dress would match my older sister's (made by mum)

we were together in reception and then split from what was middle infants and is now year 1

in the short term my brother found it really hard -he was always the quiet one and struggled to speak up without me being there
but it was a massive advantage for me as I constantly felt responsible for him IYKWIM

but he came out of his shell and it worked well for both of us

both went to the same high school and most people didn't even realise we were siblinging, never mind 'the twins'

wouldn't mind but my grandma used to call us the twins and she was a twin herself -so just goes to show it's different strokes and all that

SoMuchToBits · 06/10/2012 23:05

I'm an ID twin. Sometimes when we were very young we were dressed alike, as we got older we had more say and wore different outfits.

We were in the same class for the first 4 years of school, then separate classes for next 3 years. Then at secondary, same classes for 2 years, separated thereafter. It was always better when we were in different classes.

But much, much better when we left home for uni and our friends didn't even know we had a twin sister!

thetrackisback · 06/10/2012 23:13

I had this opinion about dressing twins the same and I have unidentical twins. I don't dress them the same but they do have a lot of the same clothes. The reason is time. I buy one a jumper so I've then got to get the other one a jumper that s of similar cost. In shops at their age there is usually only one or two ranges of clothes so I would have to go somewhere else for a jumper. It means a lot of trailing round!! So I buy the same sometimes. However I don't dress them the same on the same day and when they get older I will have more choice and they will be be to give more input. On special occasions I do like them to look like they belong together so I might get them a different dress but the same cardigan cos they look really cute that way. They have their own identity but some of that identity is being a twin. There is an indescribable bond with twins that you just don't understand until you have some for yourself. For a singleton the most important person in that child's life is their mum or main carer for a twin it is their twin. They have always been there from the very word go. For all these reasons I can see why someone would dress them the same.

Way2Go · 06/10/2012 23:27

I think it must be fun to dress them alike occasionally but i find it a bit odd to purposely dress DT's alike all of the time. I find it hard enough to remember other peoples DC's names at the bet of times.

I suspect if I had identical twins I would do the same as fourundersix.

SoMuchToBits · 06/10/2012 23:31

No, thetrackisback, the most important person in my life has never been my twin sister. Never.

LadyBeagleEyes · 06/10/2012 23:39

As an id twin I disagree thetrackisback.
We have a bond, yes, but you have to be a twin rather than be a parent of one to understand how it feels.

SoMuchToBits · 06/10/2012 23:41

I agree LadyBeagle

thetrackisback · 06/10/2012 23:42

SomuchHa! Ha! Obviously no love lost there. I'm not saying they get on famously they have just started kicking the shit out of each other but when upset they come to me but will then look for their sister. They have their own personalities but that has developed because they are a twin. Ie they can both stand their ground when needed.

SoMuchToBits · 06/10/2012 23:50

Well, I get on ok with my sis - but much better if we are generally living apart and in different spheres of contact.

Happygirl77 · 06/10/2012 23:57

Not read the whole thread, but as a SAHM of 3 dcs, if I am taking them all somewhere busy (with the potential for them legging it becoming separated I often dress dd1 and dd2 in the same clothes. If my dh is taking them out for the day very rare I do the same, so that if he loses one he can remember what she was wearing by looking at her sister!

Otherwise, they tend to wear similar clothes (eg: jeans, jumper and body warmer) but in different colours (one is a frilly pink girl, the other a blue tomboy!)

TeenageTantrumsMakingMeCrazy · 07/10/2012 00:06

I am not 'creepy', 'strange' or 'odd' but I usually buy my DTS's the same jumpers, t-shirts and coats purely because when I find something I like, I very often can't find the same thing in a different colour and if I like it, I want them both to wear it (I would'nt make one wear something I don't like just so people don't think I'm strange!).

Also I often buy stuff in sales (it is definitely not 'buy one, get one free' when it comes to twins ) and find something nice that they will both like so buy two of them. When they were pre-schoolers I used to dress them in the brightest colour jumpers/coats (same) as possible so I could spot them at the park/softplay etc. They needed to be wearing the same as I may have forgotten what the other one was wearing (they did'nt sleep through until they were about 5!).

Boys are 10 now and don't care what they wear as long as they are comfortable. They are non ID and are total opposites (black hair/dark blonde hair/tall and skinny/shorter and chunkier!) so don't look the same. When they have an interest in what they wear, they will choose their own clothes. They don't seem to have suffered for it up to now and have always had their own identities.

Willowme · 07/10/2012 09:17

I seen twins last week while out shopping in identical clothes, whats so strange about that I hear u ask?

They were at least 55yrs old!!!

Was to say the least!

jellybeans · 07/10/2012 11:26

We have a bond, yes, but you have to be a twin rather than be a parent of one to understand how it feels.

With respect, you only know how you feel. Many other twins could feel totally different. You can't speak for them all or rule over what a parent feels for HER twins is right.

Also who is to say that those twins who say they regret being in the same class etc. wouldn't have regretted if they HADN'T been? They haven't experienced it-grass is always greener and all that. My BIL is a twin and they were split at secondary but then put back together. For them they didn't regret being together, in fact it was judged for the best by the twins themselves, the school and the parents.

Another thing is as a teenagers I was embarrassed at pictures of me and DSis dressed the same. However when I was a parent of 2 DC I dressed them the same sometimes! Just shows that if some of you actually HAD twins you may also dress them the same, feel they need to be in the same class etc. For those that do but don't choose these things that is their right too.

Sprogstersmum · 07/10/2012 12:14

I'm not a fan of siblings (twins or not) dressed the same (but each to their own) however my 2 dds (3 and 7) always want to dress the same and will try and match up their clothes and if I let them choose when buying new things will insist on the same. I kind of feel they should be able to choose what they want to wear as long as it's appropriate so now go everywhere with matching children despite the fact I hate it! So maybe with twins it's not always the parents!

GoingBackToSchool · 07/10/2012 17:48

I'm a twin and our parents used to dress us the same when we were little. They started dressing us differently but apparently we just fought over each others close lol! So in the end it was just easier to put us in the same thing :)
Once we got past that stage, we wore different things and now have very different styles!! I don't think it harmed me in any way. I can see how it would if you treated them the same as well though :)

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