To think (hope) Eastenders portrayal of social services (Lexi & Lola story) is wrong?

[MoonlightShadows]

I am watching it at the moment and am finding the Lexi/Lola storyline quite disturbing, I can't imagine social services really carry on like this and think it's an unfair portrayal.

Most contacts give an unreal picture of the relationship between parent and child, because many, until they start to have contact don't spend one to one time and don't play with their children, tbh.
Most one to one stuff takes place in a family home though, or out swimming, or cycling, having fun.. i used to play with DD, so i didn't have to keep carting all the stuff about that i needed (craft items, colouring books ect) i asked if i could leave them in a safe place at the centre (no towing stuff around on three buses twice a week) they allowed me to but kept 'losing' the stuff.

All the paperwork to do with contacts i was told i wasn't allowed to read.

Emotional abuse, i agree, can be and is damaging, but it can only be proven in certain ways, one of these is the psychological examination, which isn't science based, its not definative. And outside influences, such as my own (i was in court re my own abuse the day before one of the two tests) can sway the results.
100% of the time, the Cli.Psych always gives a timescale for treatment of the 'borderline personality disorder' they just diagnosed you with, of 2 years or over. I forget what the terminology is offhand, but this is outside the timescale they give for the child to be returned to the parent, so they turn to the adoption proceedings (for young babies and children) that they started running concurrently, and i would say they have a 100% success rate in obtaining the orders they need.

But their 'care' is so substandard for older kids and teens, that any of them daring to give birth to their own child whilst in care or under 21, has to undergo a parenting assessment. This often leads to removal of the baby, those girls don't stand a chance. Its baby farming at its worst.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved i totally agree with your post.

Neil you don't have to keep repeating the link people will look at it if they want to, most will read the entire thread.

To say emotional abuse is not a valid reason for removing children makes me really sad and makes me question that particular poster's video.

I think what gets abused is the 'likely' to suffer part which the accuser then goes all out to prove is real and not imaginary.

Problem is, they can accuse you of what they like, even if you see the statement the false accusation is on, its too late to demand it be changed, it has already been seen. And when you demand it be changed, you are told that you have to prove that it isn't true. Proving a negative is extremely hard.

SW's word is taken as gospel by all and you are left looking a rotten to the core parent
Even my own solicitor at the EPO stated, he was glad that he met me (i had only had 24 hours to source them) and upon reading the statements made he said 'If i hadn't met you i would have thought 'oh my god what am i representing here' but as i have met you and discussed in detail, i totally understand.'

He got the EPO thrown out :) so in the early stages at least four people believed, myself, my solicitor and the three magistrates. Following this the case was moved to high court where i suppose one judge is easier to sway than three :(

I'm not sure what the motive is to make things up. Most SWers are small cogs in a big wheel and aren't out there to 'steal babies' aka make their workloads bigger.

I don't think they are all the same, just a fair few.

The motive is usually because they have accused you of something terrible, and are then compelled to find evidence to prove it. Coupled with the fact that their word is often taken because they are a professional, leaves the system open to very serious abuses.

But what is their motive to accuse you of something in the first place? I dislike the language 'accuse' too.

Social workers can do no right in some people's eyes. The abuse I've received on MN for daring to couteract some people's sweeping statements has cemeted my thoughts that I will never work in a safeguarding children's team as a SWer.

The idea of some nationwide conspiracy to steal childen is laughable. Individual cases do go wrong, and I am certain there are plenty of badly handled cases, a small number of miscariages of justice. But if SS were as incompetent as people claim, they wouldn't even be able to organise a local child stealing conspiracy, let alone a national one.

Someone linked to Ian Josephs forced adoption site. He is a complete loon. He is the one who thinks child sexual molesters/rapists should not be reported to the police. And women with depression and mental ill health should not do anything about it. If you agree with his stance on sexual abuse, by all means link to his site and spread the word. Women who have contacted him have actually complained about him making them ill with worry for nothing

And by the way, the idea that neglected/physically/sexually abused children are not being adopted is stupid and demonstrably false. There are those children, then there are the children who were exposed to drugs and alcohol in the womb and whose birth parents had severe mental health and learning disabilities. I have never ever ever met or been told about an adoptive child who does not fit into the above categories, with the very minor exception of the few children who are voluntarily relinquished. And I have been involved in adoption a long time (over 16 years), and know many adoptive parents as well as having looked through many profiles of waiting children. SS do get abused children adopted, every day. Adoptive parents are prepared for taking on an abused child, how well is up for debate, but they are left under no illusions as to the backgrounds of the children by the time they are approved. They are talked to almost constantly about attachment issues, behavioural problems, abuse etc, thats aside from all the reading on it you are asked to do

I am not saying there are no miscarriages of justice, because they are inevitable in any system. The criminal justice system sees enough of them as well. Some SW's are very incompetant and make bad decisions and have stupid ideas. I am sure quite a few cases are mishandled. But I am not, and never will be, a conspiracy theorist

It took two years to remove DS from his birth mother.
I was there and I saw what happened.

Some things were unfair e.g. she got written up for allowing baby to sleep in her bed (all mine have slept with me)
Written up for not washing up her plates quickly enough
Petty things.

However she also had prolonged and frequent contact at which she ignored the baby. She would change his clothes and that was it.
After 12 months of this he was unable to roll over or sit up. His development was severely delayed by a system that allowed this to carry on.
She wanted to put fake tan on him to make him darker.
She said he would 'shame her up' if he didnt win a local baby competition.
She didnt feed him (why the HELL didnt the contact worker insist she did?)

So she was watched closely for a long time. Very difficult for her but damaging for DS.

The idea of SS swooping in to remove a child from a dippy but loving and well meaning teen mother is the polar opposite of what happened to DS.

It's also the polar opposite of what happened to my children. And nearly every adopted child I've ever heard of, and all the children my good friend has fostered

well if the agenda of social workers is to take babies unfairly who haven't been neglected or abused just in order to get easier adoptions through then they are doing a pretty bloody piss poor job of it.

67,050 children were in public care in March 2012.
3450 children were adopted from care in the year to march 2012.
The average age of a child at adoption is 3 years 8 months
There were 70 adoptions of children under 1yr

Any child taken into care incorrectly is a tragedy and more should be done to improve the system and the workload of social workers. But the vast majority of children are in care or their own safety and are not considered suitable for adoption, and of those who are on the adoption register, a tiny proportion of adoptions are very young children.

The system and social workers may not be perfect but the numbers just don't support some of the wilder conspiracy theories that abound every time this subject comes up.

I haven't watched EastEnders in years, but overheard a bit the other night when my Dad was watching it . . . . something like, "worried about the state of the flat" or not been cleaned or similar . . . . I asked my Dad if she had a baby & he said yes, so I told him that's utter bollocks, because a HV sign for PND is a clean & tidy home.

So I don't know the whole storyline, but YADNBU.

Not to mention the fact, that that line will scare lots of women already susceptible / suffering PND.

I'm not a conspiracy theorist.
There are many good sw's i'm sure, but i certainly haven't met many and neither have a lot of other people.

Sure adoption targets and bonuses were scrapped some time ago.

However what i have heard is that up until then white babies were highly sought after for adoption, given that there used to be a gamut of adoptable babies in the days of shame to be a single mother, now there is none of that shame so there's less available babies unless taken from 'incapable' care leavers of which the OP speaks (Lola is a care leaver)
So it apparently makes sense to take older children from families and leave them in long term care, eventually they will have babies and then the baby will be 'harvested' for adoption.

Unless adoption targets haven't been scrapped (and the related bonuses) i see no reason (no financial gain to be made) for SW's to target babies specifically. Potential adopters do not to my knowledge pay for these babies or children, do they?

That is why i'm not a conspiracy theorist. However, care leavers' children ARE being taken, someone should question why this is so, if the SS are to be believed, their 'care' is good enough for thousands of children, yet not good enough to make them capable mothers?

My own story is my own story. I try to tell it without bias .. of course its hard, but i am no longer so angry, a few years down the line, so its easier not to rant and rave.

In answer to the question why they would accuse me of something in the first place, read my post properly.. we were involved with them, they saw a 'bruise' i rubbed it off as it was a dirt mark, in front of them, and they weren't very happy (sore losers) so having whipped themselves up, they decided (i am only surmising) because they didn't want to back down and say 'sorry, we were mistaken' that they wanted to start the 'at risk of physical, emotional, and neglect' route, making things up as they went along and all because they could not just say 'SORRY we made a mistake.

they are BAAF figures so reputable but I'll see if I can find 2011 figures.

I just thought it was worth emphasising how few very young children are adopted in this country and just how many young people we have in care - some people seem to think that every child who is taken into care is on teh adoption register and the truth is very very far from that.

I don't think anyone is thinking that the character on EE has PND

MrsDeVere - I'm actually under the impression that the average age has dropped somewhat in the last few years. It was 4, then 3 yrs 9 months for 2010 I think, it might have dropped a little further now

Kew it is definately, most of the kids i heard of inc DD were in LT FC.

That should be the real reason for adoption targets not taking more kids necessarily but dealing with the ones you have already and are in danger of letting down.

MDV.. i know.. its one of the things i moaned with my fave SW about.
the other issue i have is the support services that are not available to a child or family that hasn't been put on the CPR..

It must be frustrating when they have decided NFA and you KNOW that a family needs support :( Sorry..

Found the figures!!

3 years 8 months for the year ending 31st march 2012

www.baaf.org.uk/res/statengland

Parallel CP and AP are the reason children are getting freed for adoption sooner

Just think though how frightening that is for the birth parent, knowing if they don't 'win' they have this shadow lurking over them.. those that decide to fight that is.

I can't imagine that fear.

MrsDV previous average age was 3yrs 10 months so its actually gone down slightly. I think you are thinking of how long children wait on average before being placed which was 2yrs 7 months