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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be absolutely gutted DS prefers his dad :(

24 replies

LST · 05/10/2012 19:57

He's 11mo and his lovely personality is just starting to bloom. He is an amazing boy and I love him with all my heart. He makes me so proud.

But.. I work ft Mon-Fri and I don't get in until 5 most days. DP works nights Fri until Mon so is DS's soul carer throughout the week. DS has now decided he doesn't want to come to me. He cries when I take him off his dad and if I try to take him he just turns away :( If I do have him he just tries to get to his dad.

Is this a faze (sp)? Will it pass? DP thinks its funny but I broke down earlier (I know I'm being pathetic)

OP posts:

sookiesookie · 05/10/2012 20:01

It is a phase ( :) ).

Don't worry. I worked ft when ds was 6 months 15 months and we have both been his favourite.

At the moment (he is now 19 months and I work for mine and dhs business from home) I am the favourite. Dh isn't even allowed to push the trolley at the supermarket when he is sat in the seat.

In a few weeks it will be the other way round. It can be pretty gutting though.

AGoldenOrange · 05/10/2012 20:03

Its a phase

cairnterrier · 05/10/2012 20:03

Yes it's a phase, yes it will pass and yes it hurts like hell whilst they're doing it.

Can you do something fun this weekend for just the 2 of you? Softplay, finger painting, swimming?

monkeysbignuts · 05/10/2012 20:03

its a phase honest. mine are 5 & 3, some nights they fight over my storys and others my husbands!
we went out for our wedding anniversary (nice meal in a swanky restaurant child free) & they both cried for me at bed time.

Original poster

LST · 05/10/2012 20:05

about phase! I actually couldn't think!

I was/am absolutely gutted. My heart sinks and I felt so bad..

I don't begrudge DP btw. I just want him to be happy to see me.

OP posts:

MardyBra · 05/10/2012 20:05

It's a phase.
I still haven't forgiven my MIL for saying "never mind, Mardy, maybe the next one will like you" after DC1 showed a preference for DH when I was pregnant with DC2.

quietlysuggests · 05/10/2012 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

LST · 05/10/2012 20:08

We are going to the park tomorrow weather permitting. If its me and him I am his world. It's just if it's the 3 of us. I even come second best to the dog!!

OP posts:

candiedorange · 05/10/2012 20:08

It's a phase, definitely. As the others have said, it will be you next week.

I got a bit freaked out when my DS first showed clear signs of preferring DH, thinking it showed I was a crap mum or something daft, so I understand how you feel, but it's really nothing to worry about at all.

catgirl1976 · 05/10/2012 20:08

Ahh :(

My DS is nearly 11 months. I work ft too and DS is cared for DH, DM and nursery. He adores everyone but he loves his Dad so so much and I know how you feel.

However, I am sure neither your DS or mine loves his dad more - I promise, you are his mummy and that bond is so special - working ft doesn't diminish it one little bit.

Try to focus on just how lucky your little boy is to have two wonderful parents who love him so much.

It won't be long before he can tell you just how much he loves you.

YUNoSaySomethingNice · 05/10/2012 20:11

Totally normal. Often it's the SAH parent that a young DC prefers. All my DC's preferred me when they were babies especially as my DH travelled quite a bit. It means nothing and is most definitely a phase.

Ginger4justice · 05/10/2012 20:11

It is a phase and it will pass, I am also occassionally gutted about it even though I'm the parent doing most of the child care. I know DH can be really upset by it. But it always changes, some times DD changes her mind in minutes but some times the phases seem to last forever. At the moment she's unusually shy and I'm the comfort. She wouldn't even go to DH today when she was hurt "by me" (we collided I must get her a cat bell so she can't sneak up from behind ). Other times I've been invisible unless DH is at work. To be honest my MIL is the favourite most consistently tries not to cry

lydiamama · 05/10/2012 20:14

Your family situation is very similar to ours, my little DD loves her father sooooo muchhhh. It was a bit difficult for me when she was your DS age, as she behaved the same, but she is treating us more equally now, although Daddy is her forever love. Do not worry, it is really good that they bond like that, be proud of your two men, and be sure your DS will change his behaviour in a few months.

marriedinwhite · 05/10/2012 20:22

It's a phase. At 11 months both mine were attached to my hip. At 17 DS regularly tells me I not up for as good a debate as his dad, know nothing about sport and properly lose it when I'm at the end of my tether with him. DD still loves me unconditionally at 13. DH fumes at me; moans about the disgracefulness of ds and then is the utter voice of reason and patience with his son. When I was the bees knees, even then, DS had a little figurine of a big bear and a little bear and referred to them as DS and his dad and wouldn't go sleep unless he was holding it. Your DS loves you deep down and it will out very soon.

They don't learn about being hurtful until they are much older OP. About 30 I think.

Mumsyblouse · 05/10/2012 20:25

I have been the object of this devotion, and so has my husband, with different children at different times. It's horrid when they go 'dada' and struggle to get away from you, equally when the children are older, they often prefer the out of home parent as this is the novel one, the one who they can show all their stuff to, and at times, when mine were about 4 and 6 I used to be treated like a heroine on arriving home which annoyed my husband (who was at home more at the time) no end!

It's feeding into your own insecurities about going back to work and becoming estranged from your child. I wept when I went back to work after my second, I felt our special bond was broken. In hindsight, this was just hormones/worries, and of course I have a great bond with that daughter now. Being a mum is more than just being there all the time (though that can be important) and it's amazing how this carries on changing, at some time point in the future, you may well be his favourite.

Original poster

LST · 05/10/2012 20:38

Thank you all. You have made me feel better. I'm becoming a bit of an emotional wreck. I need to pull myself together! (Watching that last episode of eastenders hasn't helped!)

I'm going to go and give him a secret kiss while he sleeps

OP posts:

IvorHughJackolantern · 05/10/2012 20:44

Ah I'm glad you're feeling better. Tis a phase honest honest. He'll be all over you soon. They are fickle wee buggers!

Mrsjay · 05/10/2012 20:49

would you prefer he didn't like dad and liked you better ? he is just a baby these liking of parents chop and change all the time gawd my DD used to like the cat better than me at 1 point she would say no mummy I HUG CAT

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 05/10/2012 20:58

You think that's bad OP?

I was SAHM and my Ds 1 preferred my DH . It is a phase, but yes it hurts.

Original poster

LST · 05/10/2012 21:01

Oh no mrsjay. But I'd like him to want a cuddle from me at least.

OP posts:

Hanikam · 05/10/2012 21:06

LST, have you tried bribery?
It's a low trick, but my DH used to work away from home and the kids weren't too fussed when he appeared......unless he brought sweeties!
(supernanny would spank me)

MaryZed · 05/10/2012 21:10

All mine loved dh between the ages of 1 and about 3, and then again from 8 to 12. He was the fun parent, I was the disciplinarian (SAHM). He did nice things with them, I made them do their homework (or forced them to get dressed or whatever).

But at the times they really needed a parent (starting school, starting secondary, when things weren't great) it was me they turned to.

But I second the idea of bribery (secret smarties work well). And making your dh do one really horrible thing that your ds hates. Just to level the playing field a bit.

3monkeys3 · 05/10/2012 21:14

Phase! We had this at around the same age and I was the stay at home parent. My dd (nearly 3) has recently had a preferring daddy phase too, but has come back to me now and is my little friend again. I find it upsetting and actually have been a bit mean to my dh about it too in a 'you've stolen my baby's love' sort of way, so totally understand that you feel gutted now, but once you're out of the phase, you all see it is a phase!

Ilovechocspread · 05/10/2012 21:28

I was devasted when my ds only wanted my dh (sahm).There were times he wouldn't let me near him. Esp when he was unwell. But when he started pre school and realised I wasn't there all the time he changed his attitude towards me. Now he is 5 and a complete mummys boy!

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