to hate him with every last fibre of my being?

[TCOB]

'D'H has been away most of the last three weeks, during which I and the kids have been ill. He does a shitty little job and claims that he could not get out of the work. I am the major bread winner working f/t. I arrange my work and personal life so this does not happen. He has only called once this week. Major major rows - I do an unfair amount of housework in any case but because he is a man everyone always tell him how amazing he is to 'help' me (nb this involves 'doing the laundry' i.e. his own stuff when he could be arsed). I fucking hate him so hard. I think I'm entitled to feel like I am not loved and I totally being taken the piss out of. I know all our friends and family would agree what an amazing man he is. But I feel like shit. He doesn't even phone to hear about his children the fucking fucker. AIBU to feel this way? I feel like I'm learning something about him - was always so confident that he loved me even though I don't feel the same way, but not feeling it now. Never been so low and angry.

I don't need cuddles Toothie - I need MN tough love. Which is precisely what I've got. No, I don't know where he is. I don't know when he is coming back. He may have already gone. But mainly, he has not called to hear about his children. And they are worth hearing about, whatever the drawbacks of their mother.

Your DH isn't hard done to based on what you've written. You don't feel respected or valued by him. You've been ill and he's nowhere to be seen. I suspect that if roles were reversed, you'd have taken time off to help him but he's effectively shown you that you and the kids mean less to him than a job. Sounds like you're entitled to be a bit pissed off.

Bless you TCOB. Parts of your op I identify with, other bits not at all, but it sounds like you have some unresolved issues personally, and it sounds like your dh is a bit of an arse. You are getting some tough responses for reasons I understand, but it sounds like you also need a handhold. Or a big glass of wine! You and dh need a big, sober, non accusatory talk to find out what on earth is going on with both of you, and to decide where you go from here. Do it soon for the sake of your kids. Good luck.

Is that really why you are angry?

You thought your marriage had a particular balance, and he (for whatever reason) has changed it. You thought you were secure as he loved you more. You think he may have left you and not told you. It makes you feel unloved?

you are angry that he has changed the goal posts and abandoned you (making you feel like you did when you were with your parents) and taken the security you had. Not financial security but the emotional security of knowing he loves you more.

Do you want to stay together?
Does he want you to stay together?

Are you unhappy
Is he unhappy

Till you answer these basic questions nothing will be resolved.

Are you angry because you now don't know where you stand and don't have control over things. That is quite understandable if you feel this way.

Sorry OP, you have my sympathy. Have you tried calling him to get an explanation? My DP has worked away from home for 6 months and he called everyday as soon as he finished work, I'd be pissed off in your shoes.

You sound knackered tbh, do you feel like you're propping up the family?... it sounds like you're doing alot. Could you take some annual leave for a bit of a rest?

Don't be too hard on yourself. A lot of people marry for convenience rather than love, you won't be the first or last. But you can't carry on like this til death does you part can you? You'd die of misery!

And so your family doesn't do divorce, so what, be a rebel... take a walk on the wild side love, don't be such a goody two shoes!

If my partner called my employment a "shitty little job" I wouldn't call either