to be gutted after DP confessed to eating a steak (both vegetarian -not anymore obviously!)

[Mercapto]

I've been vegetarian for 6 - 7 years. I made the decision to go vegetarian when I realised that I wasn't eating much meat due to not enjoying it due to taste and ethical reasons.

I met DP 4 years ago and he decided to go veggie with me because he wasn't one for eating much meat either.

I came home last night from work and he told me he had a confession to make. He had given in to his cravings and bought steaks, ate one last night and the other is in the freezer.

I wasn't expecting this really although he has told me he had been having dreams about eating meat.

I know I don't really have a leg to stand on and can't tell him that he can't eat meat but I have been feeling awful since I found out. I felt uspet, disgusted at the thought of animal flesh being cooked in my kitchen, not to mention a steak actually mingling with items of food in my freezer. I wanted rid of the evidence. I could see the empty packet in the bin, and the dishes he'd used to cook/ eat it. Reading this paragraph back to myself, I feel like there is something wrong with me for feeling this way. I don't have a problem with other people eating meat, I just don't want it in my house :(

I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in RL because I feel that the people around me (meat eaters) probably don't respect my non eat-meating preferences and think it's a bit silly.

AIBU for feeling this way? I havn't spoken at all to DP since. Although I did ask if he would be buying more meat, he said ocasionally. I then said could he cook it when I wasn't around (I thought this a reasonable request seeing as I work shifts and we don't always have tea together!)

This whole "beliefs" thing is a red herring.

You can abhor the mistreatment of animals in the rearing and killing of them for meat, but still eat meat. As long as you source ethically reared, humanely killed meat then your morals are in tact.

It comes down to the fact that the OP wants him to do what she wants him to do and has, by her own admission, sulked and stopped speaking to him when he said that actually, he doesnt want to anymore.

Oh please. There is nothing moral about having an animal killed just for your taste buds to enjoy ten minutes' worth of meal. It is not necessary to eat meat, therefore to needlessly take a life is immoral.

I don't get vegetarianism/veganism at all and hate the morally superior tone that (particularly vegans) can take with everyone else.
I think having to disinfect your freezer after having meat in it is a bit mental.

However...

This post wasn't about wanting to control what someone else eats (if I'm reading correctly) but about feeling a bit blindsided by something suddenly changing without any warning. The person who compared it to a faith system was not saying "I'll only love you if you're a Christian" more just pointing out that you would feel a bit shocked if a fundamental belief that you shared with your DP suddenly changed without warning.

After all that, I would say OP, you are overreacting, but I can understand why.

therefore to needlessly take a life is immoral.

Better have a word with the myriad of creatures on God's green earth (and sea) who didn't get that memo, and who are blithely killing and eating their fellow creatures - many not in a very humane way at all.

Animals (of which we are too) eat and get eaten. It's the circle of life. You don't have to partake if you don't want to, but to go on about the immorality of it is illogical.

Oh please. There is nothing moral about having an animal killed just for your taste buds to enjoy ten minutes' worth of meal. It is not necessary to eat meat, therefore to needlessly take a life is immoral.

In your opinion.

However, some of us take the view that as we have evolved from, and continue to be as a species omnivores,eating meat is a natural part of being a human. We are the only species that has this hand wringing angst over eating other animals, although I am happy to be corrected by the "Lions Against Eating Gazelles League of Africa"

Eating meat does not mean that a person doesnt care about the welfare of the animals concerned and your condescending tone does not support your argument. In fact if there is one thing guaranteed to put people off listening to what you have to say, it is to be patronizing and snidey. Just a word to the wise.

X-Post Somerset :)

:)

And what you said.

"It is not necessary to eat meat, therefore to needlessly take a life is immoral."

It might be heartbreaking for some of the vegis in this thread to hear... but when you eat veggies you are also taking lives. Actually, many more than when you eat meat, as meat is usually just a fraction of the body of one animal, while you actually can kill dozens of innocent plants in one salad.

Jokes apart, there is nothing wrong in deciding not to eat meat (or chilli, or mushrooms, or marshmallows...) for any number of reasons. It is when this decision is taken as a religion, or some kind of fanatic activism, when the problem surfaces. There are many studies which clearly and undeniably link vegetarianism with eating disorders in women, and I believe it is very easy to know which of the posters here could be masking an eating disorder problem with an obsession with vegetarianism/veganism that goes beyond anything reasonable. For these posters, I do recommend a time for reflection about what this obsession tells about their self-esteem and their sanity. Because whichever way you see it, every creature on Earth kills other creatures in order to obtain nutrients (yes, even plants do many times, perhaps not in order to synthesise chlorophyll from the sunlight, but they do kill other plants and microorganisms in order to survive themselves... life is hard). Eating meat IS normal, and healthy, and as natural as anything, and the fastest and most efficient way for our omnivore digestive system to get essential amino acids, iron and some vitamins.

I once had a partner who was an extreme vegetarian. Back then I had no idea about this link with eating disorders. His obsession with not easting meat went to the extreme of refusing to kiss me when I had eaten meat, submit chefs to a third degree asking whether or not they had dared to fry the chips in the same oil as anything meaty, and lecturing me about the evils of eating meet at least 3 times a week. Obviously, we did not last long. And yes, he suffered from eating disorders during most of his adolescence. Being a vegetarian, I found out, was one of the ways he found of being in control, not only of himself, but to try to control others and feel he was more "righteous" or "moral" than other people. He actually disliked vegans, because he had tried to become one and had failed. And other vegetarians did not give him the chance to feel superior either, so he avoided them. He was also british, which for some reason seems to be a huge predisposition to obsessions about food (sorry, but having lived in 5 countries and travelled through a dozen more, this is not a joke, but my own experience).

So in response to the OP, I can understand why you would be a bit upset your DP was not sharing your principles about food any more... but what he is doing is 100% normal, ethical and natural. Nothing comparable to giving up religion or doing drugs.

Thrre is one thing that will ensure people start Rollo g their eyes at vegetarians.

And that's the condesending tone that some posters here are using.

Eating meat is not morally wrong. Our bodies need and were designed to ingest meat. Choosing not to does not make anyone morally superior. And you end up looking very silly if you think it does.

whatwouldvegansdo you seriously think everyone in the entire world who eats meat or dairy is "selfish, lacking in compassion, immoral"?

What a joyless life you must lead. That's a lot of wonderful people you're writing off as unworthy of you.

Of course it isn't morally superior. We have the same information we just interpret it differently. I make sure that my meat is produced locally and killed humanely. I buy it at the farm shop- you can see it in the fields. The children knew from an early age that the pig outside will be the sausages inside - they had no problem with that - neither do I. I would hate to see a country with no animals in the fields and them relegated to a few historical breeds farm parks- while we get covered in vast poly tunnels.
I have no objection at all to people choosing to be vegetarian but it is their personal choice and not one they can make for others.
It is very controlling to think that you can say what your partner can eat or not eat within their own home.

Oh the poor guy!! He was dreaming about meat!

Surely that would have been the time to have a wee chat??!...

Are you actually cross because you secretly really REALLY want that other yummy steak??

I was a vegetarian and then one morning the smell of bacon sandwiches was enough to convert me. Hmmm

I was a veggie for 6 years because I just didn't like meat.

I got pissed one night and the lure of McDonald's called and I proceeded to eat a huge box of chicken nuggets.

YANBU you thought you knew him, he's surprised you, you need to recalibrate your knowledge of and feelings about him.

The dreams suggest a nutritional gap in his diet. Maybe iron? If that was fixed, which it easily could be with a veggie diet, he might stop craving meat.

It sounds as though he was veggie partly for your convenience and didn't feel strongly. You knew that, you'll know it's unlikely he'll change his basic feelings and beliefs, so you need to reach an accommodation. This is disappointing for you but can't be the major shock it would have been if he'd been really committed on his own account.

Also, I'm surprised he did this in your house rather than eating something out. I do think that was very insensitive and understand how you feel.

I have a friend who was a long time vegetarian but his family were not. Now he eats meat, mainly chicken and fish. We had a next door neighbour who also went through the same transition, from vegetarian to meat.

Some people obviously, feel their body needs meat after a while.

But didn't the poor guy just have a steak in his own house? He didn't suggest Mercapto join him, he didn't even cook in front of her. I mean if it comes to it, you could say the insensitivity was going the other way too.

You should have talked openly about it before it came to this.

And you seriously need to look into why you are reacting so strongly against his having a different set of beliefs.

OP for the longer term, if he decides to continue with this, it might be best for him to cook meat at home occasionally, if you can tolerate that. Lots of couples eat veggie food at home, then the omnivorous one eats meat when they go out. Seems to make sense except that the meat in restaurants, other than the most expensive and those trading on provenance, will be the cheapest industrially farmed stuff. At home he can choose the highest welfare standards.

I'm surprised he did this in your house rather than eating something out

This sort of comment is so shocking ^^.

Its HIS house too. He didn't do it in front of her and had he have only bought one and hidden the packaging she would never have known. Hr is being punished for cooking a meal in his own house. He didn't force her to eat, smell or watch.

Oh please. There is nothing moral about having an animal killed just for your taste buds to enjoy ten minutes' worth of meal. It is not necessary to eat meat, therefore to needlessly take a life is immoral

Don't be so stuck up. You do realise that cows, sheep, pigs chickens would not be kept by farmers if we did't eat them. I'd rather be born and live for a while and then be killed and eaten than never born at all.

Maybe OP you could look at meat that you think is ethical, my brother is a vegetarian but when we brought reindeer sausage home last christmas he ate it, his reasoning was that the reindeer would have had a lovely free life and the carbon footprint would have been small.

He'd forewarned you he was struggling. He told you he was dreaming of eating meat, it doesn't come much plainer than that when you're dreaming of it.

I think YABU to make such a fuss about this, it is his house as well, he's an adult, and shouldn't have to ask your permission to eat certain foodstuffs in your (joint) house.

I don't think YABU to prefer him to cook it when you are not around, That I can understand, and consider perfectly reasonable. It is OTT to expect him to not put meat in the fridge/freezer though, that's what Tupperware is for.

Maybe there are deeper problems if such a triviality upsets you.

OP says 'I just went into my quiet sulky state and couldn't help but view him differently.'

I say rather than leave the bastard he should leave you. Think how disappointed he must be in your lack of love.