to be gutted after DP confessed to eating a steak (both vegetarian -not anymore obviously!)

[Mercapto]

I've been vegetarian for 6 - 7 years. I made the decision to go vegetarian when I realised that I wasn't eating much meat due to not enjoying it due to taste and ethical reasons.

I met DP 4 years ago and he decided to go veggie with me because he wasn't one for eating much meat either.

I came home last night from work and he told me he had a confession to make. He had given in to his cravings and bought steaks, ate one last night and the other is in the freezer.

I wasn't expecting this really although he has told me he had been having dreams about eating meat.

I know I don't really have a leg to stand on and can't tell him that he can't eat meat but I have been feeling awful since I found out. I felt uspet, disgusted at the thought of animal flesh being cooked in my kitchen, not to mention a steak actually mingling with items of food in my freezer. I wanted rid of the evidence. I could see the empty packet in the bin, and the dishes he'd used to cook/ eat it. Reading this paragraph back to myself, I feel like there is something wrong with me for feeling this way. I don't have a problem with other people eating meat, I just don't want it in my house :(

I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in RL because I feel that the people around me (meat eaters) probably don't respect my non eat-meating preferences and think it's a bit silly.

AIBU for feeling this way? I havn't spoken at all to DP since. Although I did ask if he would be buying more meat, he said ocasionally. I then said could he cook it when I wasn't around (I thought this a reasonable request seeing as I work shifts and we don't always have tea together!)

In fact- looking again he just says 'occasionally' - he sounds quite reasonable - just compromise by being when you are not around.

He only gave up eating meat because it was easier, she can't ever have believed it was a central part of his belief system.

If they had met as confirmed ethical vegans I could understand the "you've changed" argument.

But he's never been more than a social vegetarian. There has never been a shared belief system.

I'm a vegetarian because I don't like the taste or texture of meat. Drives me mad that Quorn etc tries to replicate the taste and mouth feel of chicken etc. That is what I dislike!
However everyone else in my house eats meat. I cook bacon, sausages, chicken, it is nasty and I hate the smell but it is also unfair to impose your views on others.
I also second the poster who says lamb smells BAD!!
Choice is for everyone.

He's your dh not a child that you can mould or control. need to just accept its his choice and not sulk and make him pay for it.

It's your choice to b a veggi, great. Not his.

All this melodrama about plates and knives is a bit daft.

I'm still here. Ive been working tonight but regulary checking the thread.

Yesterday was a funny day. Earlier at work a work mate asked about my being veggie and we then went on to discuss farm animals and the slaughter process at Abottiors. I felt sick to the stomach discussing it, as my work mate was telling us about when it goes wrong and animals end up being killed inhumanely.

DP and I have had relatively recent conversations about being a veggie and our digestive systems compared to carnivores and nutrition we can get from other foods etc. He reads a lot of books and has been reading up on nutrition lately .A recent book was about wheat/ gluten etc and he decided he wanted to cut these out of his diet. I was and am all for that but it's taken some planning to find alternatives to sandwiches etc.

When we got together it was his choice to turn veggie with me, I never enforced my views upon him. So that bald spot on his head does not resemble a thumb- shape. It kinda matches his dad's bald spot.

When he told me it really did shock me. I just went into my quiet sulky state and couldn't help but view him differently.

I think my over reaction is maybe because I thought we had our shared belief system like ItaAllGoingToBeFine said.

Emmmm want to write more but need to think...

I have more understanding of vegans. I don't think that the average vegetarian has the foggiest idea of dairy production. If I was worried about the ethics I would give up milk, cheese etc- it is worse than simply eating the animal.

I read it differently - he said he had a confession - he knew she would be upset. He should have given her a heads up first. Whether he chose to be veggie for her or not, he chose it. Of course he can 'unchoose ' it but there should have been some respect for her beliefs IMO.

I would say that he shares your belief system- he simply fancied a steak for once.

What about OP toleration as well as his respect ? Works both ways.

I know lots of vegetarians who fancy a bacon sandwich- mostly they overcome it.

People change. He might want some meat once in a while

Goodness.

he wanted to be with you enough to stop eating meat.

You react like this to a one-off?
Maybe he shouldn't have stopped at all, and you'd have been less disappointed.

The moral of the story seems to be that you make it clear to a new partner that your beliefs and ideas are not set in stone- you can change and still be the same person. Give the warning that it is not a good idea to love me because I am a Christian, vegetarian, Chelsea supporter, Labour voter etc because I might not be in 5yrs time - but I am still me!

Respecting her beliefs does not require asking her permission to eat meat.

Unless her belief is that she gets to choose what other people eat.

He can respect her vegetarianism without being a vegetarian.

Going back to the Christian thing, should a person having a crisis of faith consult their spouse before having it?

These are matters of personal conscience and belief and not things that require permission or discussion in advance.

Poor bloke, give him a break. I respect your desire to be vegetarian, but he has a right to make his own choices too. You are effectively saying I have rights, but you don't because your choices disgust me. That's not fair or equitable.

Exactly, AThingInYourLife.

Respecting her would have entailed a discussion. That is respectful. Changing your mind requires no discussion but implementing a change in your lifestyle which affects you partner should. She doesn't want meat in her home, he does. A discussion is the adult way to reach a compromise. Believe what you like but there are certain beliefs I would not tolerate. If DH became religious, for example, it would be the end of us.

In my opinion, YANBU. Most meat eaters would disagree, and when it comes to vegetarians, you will get different 'levels' if you like, i.e. some veggies might pick out the meat bits of a dish and happy to eat the rest - others would find that unacceptable.

I have been veggie for over 20 years. In that time, I have lived with two non-vegetarian boyfriends - both of whom I have made very clear from the first that at no point would I ever be happy with any meat being in the house. Oh and fwiw, both of them, in the throes of love, also 'turned' vegetarian (with no prompting from myself) but didn't last very long.

The only way I can explain it to some people is to imagine it being human meat. Even though you don't eat it yourself, you would still be disgusted at the thought of it being in your freezer, being cooked in your pans and the smell of it cooking. Well, that's how I feel about animal meat (and I'm not the only one!).

I think you've just realised what 'level' of vegetarian you are, and now you need to decide what to do. I know it sounds ott, but it's a deal breaker for me - I just can't have meat in the house. There needs to be some level of compromise (mine was, you're free to eat whatever you want but just not in the house) and you need to decide what you will feel comfortable with.

There was a discussion.

It took place as soon as she came home and he told her.

He didn't lie, he didn't dissemble, he didn't treat it as none of her business.

He just didn't consult her.

Which is entirely reasonable when it comes to what he eats.

His dietary choices don't affect her in any meaningful way.

She might prefer that he continue to eat as she does, but she describes his decision as motivated by convenience, not conviction.

This is a change of protein, not of belief.

YABU

I had an ex partner who didn't let me eat meat in my own home, I found it very controling and the relationship ended after many year, the meat thing was just one of the issues but I feel it portrayed his desire to make me how he wanted me.

Do you ever go out to eat? I don't inderstand how you could sit and eat your diner at a restaurant whilst other people ate meat but you are not happy with your DP eating meat at home.

If you use a dishwasher to clean the meat dishes there will be no trace of meat left on the dishes.

I think you are taking it too far and you are thinking about an idea rather than the facts, for example a steak will not be contaminating your frozen peas just by being in the same freezer.

Some vegetarians are ok with their partner eating meat, some aren't.
It is absolutely part of my belief system not to eat meat (or dairy) and I could not live with someone who felt it was ok to contribute to the hell that is the meat and dairy industry. I would view them as selfish, lacking in compassion, immoral? Not values I am seeking in a soulmate. Therefore it would be a deal breaker for me. You have to decide if it is for you.

No, a change of protein is chickpeas over lentils, or chicken over lentils.

I say this as a veggie who is transitioning to vegan with a meat eating husband. The difference is that when I married him, I knew exactly what his beliefs were.

I am selfish, lacking in compassion and immoral

If I had lived with someone as a vegetarian for 4 years, I would expect they shared the same food beliefs as me. If they didn't,I wouldn't think it unreasonable to run it past me first before they fried up the first steam for 4 years, Not for approval but just out of common decency.

Steam does, if course , equal steak