to be gutted after DP confessed to eating a steak (both vegetarian -not anymore obviously!)

[Mercapto]

I've been vegetarian for 6 - 7 years. I made the decision to go vegetarian when I realised that I wasn't eating much meat due to not enjoying it due to taste and ethical reasons.

I met DP 4 years ago and he decided to go veggie with me because he wasn't one for eating much meat either.

I came home last night from work and he told me he had a confession to make. He had given in to his cravings and bought steaks, ate one last night and the other is in the freezer.

I wasn't expecting this really although he has told me he had been having dreams about eating meat.

I know I don't really have a leg to stand on and can't tell him that he can't eat meat but I have been feeling awful since I found out. I felt uspet, disgusted at the thought of animal flesh being cooked in my kitchen, not to mention a steak actually mingling with items of food in my freezer. I wanted rid of the evidence. I could see the empty packet in the bin, and the dishes he'd used to cook/ eat it. Reading this paragraph back to myself, I feel like there is something wrong with me for feeling this way. I don't have a problem with other people eating meat, I just don't want it in my house :(

I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in RL because I feel that the people around me (meat eaters) probably don't respect my non eat-meating preferences and think it's a bit silly.

AIBU for feeling this way? I havn't spoken at all to DP since. Although I did ask if he would be buying more meat, he said ocasionally. I then said could he cook it when I wasn't around (I thought this a reasonable request seeing as I work shifts and we don't always have tea together!)

I can see why you are upset but it's up to him whether he stays a vegetarian or not. If vegetarianism is very important to you can you live with somebody who eats meat.

I was veggie for years and during that time I could have understood the OP's feelings about meat being somehow dirty and repulsive.

But then I developed a dairy intolerance and didn't want to be vegan. So one night, when veh veh drunk, I ordered a steak. It was awesome. I had a three day stomach ache afterwards though as my body had no idea how to digest it. I'm not a few years on from that and I have to say I feel healthier as a meat eater than I ever did as a veggie. We are omnivores. We are designed to eat meat. I let a teenage fad go on for way to long (until I was about 30).

I do still care a lot about animal welfare though (one of the reasons why I became veggie in the first place) and try to eat good quality, well-raised meat and no battery-farmed crap. I believe we are supposed to eat meat but I do not believe that e.g. we are supposed to keep chickens in dark shed in cramped conditions so they cannot move.

Sookie and Flatpack - you are taking what I have posted and twisted it. My point is that certain posters are being OTT and flaming the OP as they have such a limited view of life they cannot see how much this upsets the OP.

OP has started thinking of ways to compromise already, even before a chat she has thought about DP having meat on the nights she's not there. She is already seeking alternatives. Keep lumping in with the hysteria and insults though.

I have been a veggie for 26 years

I am the only one in my family. All 5 DCs have been meat eaters and so is OH.

I have never really found it an issue. Probably because I hate cooking and the idea of bringing up the DCs veggie seems like an unbelievable faff to me.

But then OH was an utter meathead when I met him so its not like he has changed..

Like others on this thread I do not object to meat eating. i think its natural. I became a veggie because I couldnt bear how animals are treated by the industry.

I try and buy the best meat I can afford for the family and tbh they only really eat mince and chicken. I couldnt go a good beef joint for example. No way could I spend £15 on a joint.
I hover around the reduced aisle and swoop on any organic/free range.

But that is a bit off the point I suppose

You could ask that he only eat ethically sourced meat I suppose though?

But DoMeDon this is AIBU - so piss taking is par for the course !

Piss take away

I do think there's a line and being unnecessarily unkind is twatish - especially as OP is having feelings she is too embarrassed to share in RL. That is sad and I think she deserves some support, even though she is over reacting.

I am veggie. DH is not. I don't cook meat and ask DH just to buy ethical meat. The kids eat some meat. It is just a compromise.

I've been a vegetarian for 30 years. No problem with meat being around (ex publican, cooked & sold tons of it). Dh happens to be veggie too; dc have recently chosen not to eat meat.

It would bother me not one iota if another family member cooked & ate steak.

However, it obviously bothers OP - if her dp could've predicted this reaction, it would have been nicer if he'd talked it through with her first. & I'm guessing that he did expect it if he talked about 'having a confession to make'.

I think he could reasonably do as the OP asks - cook meat when she isn't around & get rid of the gory packaging!

Not sure where the OP's gone?

Anyway, unless you're hard-core vegan, YABU. Having said that, this could probably all have been avoided if he'd just talked to you about it beforehand. Because surely if the dude's dreaming about meat, and only really properly gave it up because of you - you'd have been reasonable enough to understand where he's coming from and 'allowed' him to eat some meat.

Right?

Some of you are going to have huge problems if your DCs want to eat meat in the future and cook it for themselves- it is very common.

I disagree exotic, DC would have to chat with the veggie/vegan parents first and come to an agreement. No problem.

YANBU. If are a veggie /vegan this is an important choice for you. It is a belief that should be respected and is part of who you are.

If DP (veggie) told me he had eaten a steak I would be gutted. Because him being veggie is part of our shared belief system

If he wasnt veggie anymore he wouldn't be quite the same person anymore. And because of this I would be gutted.

I agree DoMeDon but the same applies to a DP.
I don't see why changing your eating habits makes you a different person. I changed mine 3 years ago and I can't see why DH would be gutted! The wedding vows didn't include ' I will stick to my present diet until death us do part'! I am exactly the same person in other ways.

It does - he chose not to speak to OP, he 'confessed' after, she was shocked, is over reacting - many people go OTT through the shock of a fait accompli. He could have and should have said "you know those meat dreams, I want them to come true - I need meat. I want some for dinner tomorrow. How do you feel about it and is there anything I can reasonably do to make it less upsetting?"

I do think some issues are game changers for relationships though. A deeply personal view can feel like part of you. I struggle to accept DH's refusal to worship in the house of Haagen Dazs

Imagine you and your partner are both devout Christians. You come home one day and he tells you he doesn't believe any more.

Its the same thing.

The idea that a person needs to "discuss" their food choices with another before making them is really weird.

Nearly as weird as the idea of food getting "contaminated" in a freezer.

I would like to ban baked beans from my house. They make me want to vomit. I can't cook them for the DDs or watch them eat them.

And bananas stink! Luckily DH keeps his banana habit as an at-work indulgence.

He is also able to change his mind on religion. Some people are such control freaks! You make your own decisions- you don't and can't make them for anyone else. How can anyone possibly say that what they think now will be what they think in 10 years time? You don't meet someone and assume that they will be the same aged 80yrs.

I will only love you if you are a Christian seems weird. It will also be difficult with DCs since they are quite likely not to be.

It would still be their choice though ItsAllGoingTobeFine.

I don't see the need to discuss food choices with a partner- unless you are cooking for them. If I want to cook something for myself it isn't necessary.

But if you feEl really strongly about something and your DP does too, that is part of who they are, part of why you love them.

Of course it would be unreasonable to expect someone to adhere to the same belief system, and it certainly wouldn't be a dealbreaker. But in the moment you would be gutted, and things have changed.

Noone - even OP- is saying anyone cannot make their own choices. He can decide to do WHATEVER he chooses. OP then decides if she is willing to tolerate it. The mature adult way to deal with a major change in a relationship is discussion. OP thinks bringing meat into their home is a major change, whether we agree or not. Controlling is telling someone they can't do something, or trying to make them do something, it's not being unhappy about it or talking about it.

I quite like drinking, if I decided to be drunk a lot, that would be my choice. I wouldn't expect DH to be OK with it though. (health issues aside)

I agree exotic.

His confession seems plenty of recognition that it might bother her.

Vegetarianism is not something you owe to somebody else.

People are going to extremes of drink and drugs- eating meat is a perfectly normal activity done by the majority. You will see it anywhere you go -it is impossible to avoid.

He did it when she was out and told her- it doesn't sound to me as if he is going to be eating it beyond 'once in a blue moon'