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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be gutted after DP confessed to eating a steak (both vegetarian -not anymore obviously!)

275 replies

Mercapto · 05/10/2012 18:48

I've been vegetarian for 6 - 7 years. I made the decision to go vegetarian when I realised that I wasn't eating much meat due to not enjoying it due to taste and ethical reasons.

I met DP 4 years ago and he decided to go veggie with me because he wasn't one for eating much meat either.

I came home last night from work and he told me he had a confession to make. He had given in to his cravings and bought steaks, ate one last night and the other is in the freezer.

I wasn't expecting this really although he has told me he had been having dreams about eating meat.

I know I don't really have a leg to stand on and can't tell him that he can't eat meat but I have been feeling awful since I found out. I felt uspet, disgusted at the thought of animal flesh being cooked in my kitchen, not to mention a steak actually mingling with items of food in my freezer. I wanted rid of the evidence. I could see the empty packet in the bin, and the dishes he'd used to cook/ eat it. Reading this paragraph back to myself, I feel like there is something wrong with me for feeling this way. I don't have a problem with other people eating meat, I just don't want it in my house :(

I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in RL because I feel that the people around me (meat eaters) probably don't respect my non eat-meating preferences and think it's a bit silly.

AIBU for feeling this way? I havn't spoken at all to DP since. Although I did ask if he would be buying more meat, he said ocasionally. I then said could he cook it when I wasn't around (I thought this a reasonable request seeing as I work shifts and we don't always have tea together!)

OP posts:
lunar1 · 05/10/2012 18:51

I would get some separate cook wear for meat. I don't think you can ask him not to have it though, it's his house too.

lunar1 · 05/10/2012 18:52

Sorry should add I am also vegi

sookiesookie · 05/10/2012 18:52

Wow. I get that as a vegetarian you don't like it. But you are really over reacting.
if the meat is not wrapped up, in the freezer fair enough. But I suspect its in some sort of packaging. Its not contaminating anything.
I do get your feelings to some degree, but think you are over reacting.

PedanticPanda · 05/10/2012 18:52

I don't have a problem with other people eating meat, I just don't want it in my house

It's not just your house though, it's your dp's too. You're overreacting, and I used to be a veggie too.

WithoutCaution · 05/10/2012 18:52

It is possible to buy good quality, ethically reared and humanely slaughtered meat so I'd see no problem with my DH buying, cooking, eating or storing that type of meat.

I'm a vegetarian, DH and DS are avid meat eaters. I raise chickens and sheep (which DH and DS are quite happy to eat) and do the majority of the cooking, including the meat

Nanny0gg · 05/10/2012 18:53

Tricky.
I am a total carnivore, but as you are vegetarian for ethical reasons I can see why you're upset.
I assume your DP is only vegetarian because he's not bothered by meat rather than the ethical reasons?
If so, you need to have a conversation. Is it a deal-breaker for you?

LindyHemming · 05/10/2012 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlistairSim · 05/10/2012 18:54

Was it a kitten steak?

MainlyMaynie · 05/10/2012 18:55

I think you're being OTT, as you probably realise. I've been vegetarian for 25 years and would not react this way. It's not like he was vegetarian when you got together either, plus half your reason is you don't like the taste! If you're really bothered by it, you can have clearly defined areas for meat storage, which is good food hygiene anyway.

BunnyLebowski · 05/10/2012 18:55

You're being ridiculous and melodramatic.

His house too. His choice.

Asmywhimsytakesme · 05/10/2012 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LynetteScavo · 05/10/2012 18:56

YANBU to be upset. YABU not to speak to him.

Are you going to have sex with him while it's still in his system? I'n not vegetarian, but don't like DH to smell of red meat.

Personally I would tell him to get his meat elsewhere, and not to cook it in the house. Having lived with vegetarians I would visit McD's rather than bring meat into the house. Just like I wouldn't smoke in a non-smoking house.

AThingInYourLife · 05/10/2012 18:57

It's usually the mighty pig that gets them.

The cows take this one.

BunnyLebowski · 05/10/2012 18:58

Personally I love a man who smells of meat.

I make DP rub himself all over with a pork chop before we have sex.

sookiesookie · 05/10/2012 18:58

Personally I would tell him to get his meat elsewhere, and not to cook it in the house. Having lived with vegetarians I would visit McD's rather than bring meat into the house. Just like I wouldn't smoke in a non-smoking house.

Except cooking meat does not create fumes that can kill the others in the house. And its his house too.

AThingInYourLife · 05/10/2012 18:58

"Are you going to have sex with him while it's still in his system?"

:o

My belly laugh is disturbing my breastfeeding baby.

AThingInYourLife · 05/10/2012 19:00

Bunny Angry

Now I am howling with laughter. No fair.

Won't anybody think of the sleeping baby? :o

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 05/10/2012 19:01

I can understand how you feel. I have a massive aversion to fish, and I can just about cope with fish that doesn't look like fish being cooked in my house (ie fish fingers or scampi or anything covered in breadcrumb) but I would feel sick at the thought of an actual fish with scales being in my freezer.

I think you have to just be honest with your DP. Tell him you would prefer him to use separate utensils to cook with and that you don't really want dead animal in your freezer. Ideally get him to have his meat fill when he is out.

Mabelface · 05/10/2012 19:01

Overreaction, and this is from a diehard veggie of 21 years. I cook meat for DH and the kids as it's their choice to eat meat.

WofflingOn · 05/10/2012 19:04

I've been vegetarian for 38 years, no one else in the house is. They clean the grill immediately after, if they've been grilling meat or fish, it is stored in sealed containers in the fridge and freezer and cooked in lidded pans and pots.
I think you are massively over-reacting and you need to work out why it is such a huge deal that someone else is eating meat. Do you do all the cooking in your home, is the kitchen your territory and you feel it's contaminated now?
If it is a major problem, have separate areas and dishes and pans for carnivore/veggie.

CremeEggThief · 05/10/2012 19:04

:( to hear this. YANBU.

bubalou · 05/10/2012 19:04

Poor bloke - so he wants a steak?

Don't be so hard on him! If u don't like the thought of your food touching his keep a separate shelf in the fridge & freezer & use separate cooking pans.

I don't think your wrong for being a vegi but don't make his life hard because he has taken the decision to eat some meat. You will end up resenting each other.

GoldShip · 05/10/2012 19:05

Im veggie and understand how you feel but you're being unreasonable. It was nice of him to try but it's obviously not for him. You need to just get over it I'm afraid and make sure he sources meat as ethical as he can get it.

And I'm assuming its his house too, and his freezer so you can't stop him

PickledFanjoCat · 05/10/2012 19:07

Grin bunny.

TidyGOLDDancer · 05/10/2012 19:10

No, I don't think you are overreacting or being unreasonable.

I live with an occasional meateater, and when DP cooks meat, he does it with different cookware and when I'm not around. We are both happy with this arrangement.

I feel sick at the smell of meat and DP understands this. I also don't like the idea of cooking with pots and pans that have been used for meat. We have doubles of some things for this reason.

This is an arrangement that works for us, and YANBU to implement something similar.