To think this teaching assistant is creepy?

[MoonlightShadows]

I don;t know whether AIBU or not. I was sexually abused when I was younger so do find myself being hyper vigilant and usually have to have a quiet word with myself but I'm not sure this time.

There is a young guy of about 19 who is a TA at DD's infant school. He is a bit strange in that he never speaks to the parents or makes eye contact and when spoken to only mumbles back and walks off. He also works at our local kids soft play area and we had DD's party there, he was all over the children, chasing them and picking them up and rolling around on the floor with them but didn't speak to any of the parents.

DH is a primary teacher and he says I am likely overreacting, although hasn't met him himself.

I am ashamed to admit I just looked on his facebook page and he seems to be obsessed with horror films and has very few friends for a young guy.

Am I overreacting?

Just to say, there is a world of difference between a shy person/person with ASD, and a person who gives off the "vibe." It's not shyness per se for me, because some of the people I mentioned were not at all shy, it's just a way of being.

I agree that there are abusers in all walks of life, and that it is necessary for all adults involved with children in a professional or job capacity should stick to the . Which, if you are on the spectrum, is not usually an issue.
If he is an NT, shy young man, then it is his line manager's responsibility to ensure that everything he does is appropriate, explicable and defensible.

An entire word disappeared!
'stick to the rules'

TA jobs are incredibly difficult to get - loads of peope think they can do it and the hours suit a very large numer of women with families.

If he has a full time TA job, he must be really REALLY good....

what proudnscary said! Its rather suprised me TBH

this week I have really seen it! I know the horrible events with April have shaken people up, and there have been alot more posts. But yup, any suspicions have been roundly rejected- quite rudely

despite the fact that every week we read about a nonce that SUPRISE SUPRISE had a job with children...

Vis a vis this lad, I dont know. Lets hope he is a young awkward chap that loves children

But, I also think that instincts count for ALOT

I do think that your previous experiences are affecting your judgement here, OP, but I won't flame you for it. As others have said, instinct is a useful and powerful tool. However, I would stop checking up on him via FB etc, and just engage him in conversation. Make yourself known to him, and get to know him. It's perfectly likely that he is just a shy or socially awkward young man who likes kids and is excellent at his job. Does your DD like him?

The only way you'll resolve this is by getting to know him a bit more.

Whatever you do, don't start asking round in the yard if any other parents feel like this. Horrible for him if you do as it's too easy for nastiness to escalate.

Sounds like me. I do talk to parents (helped out in a creche) and smile at them etc but I'd rather be having fun with the kids- if that entails rolling around on the floor with them, picking them up and giving them cannonballs, fine. I have AS and sometimes I do just walk off- I don't realise. I just think, fine, we've said everything we need to say, and I forget to wrap it up like they expect. I know I seem rude but I do kick myself when I think back on what I forget to do. Much more comfortable with kiddies, plus they give the best hugs. I'm a girl and I'm gay. Is that all fine with you?

I can't believe you're calling a 19 year old who loves kids creepy. I've been called a lot of names but not that one.

My DS was in nursery for 5 years. Over that time I saw many young women (it was always women) start at the nursery at the beginning of their training. Without fail they were shy and awkward with parents, and had not really realised that the job they loved (working with children) had so much parental involvement. Watching these young women mature and develop their skills, so that by the end of DS time at nursery they were running parent events, showing new parents round the nursery, and interacting confidently was a lovely thing and one of the real bonuses of staying in the same place for so long.

Might this not be the same situation?

The only pedophile I came into contact with as a child (found out years later/I wasn't one of his victims) was utterly charming and a big favorite with both the parents and children at the school (I guess his victims saw a whole different side to him ).

But I do get the 'vibe' thing too. Ultimately, if you think that your dd is at risk then move her. There's nothing else you can do, based on a gut feeling.

I think you have to work out what your vibe is based on. If its based on someone behaving in very similar ways to the person who abused you such as in CailinDanas case then listen to your instinct. If its based on someone just being a bit different or shy or socially awkward, or looking different, having a distinctive style for eg. then i think you need to think carefully about what your instinctive reaction is based on. If its based on prejudices then you need to admit that to yourself and work out in your own head the differences between that and the awareness of when someone is behaving in a predatory way.

I don't understand how or why the op's husband could possibly solve the puzzle just by chatting to the guy? Does he have any super power like reading minds and seeing people's past by looking in their eyes?

Wofflongon - often TAs do work alone with children, and hey shouldn't require direct supervision when helping a child. A TA in an infant setting should b allowed physical contact too. It's not really possible to do their job effectively without doing these things. Wonder if people would feel he same about these things if it was a female?

I've been thinking about this on and off all day. I'm a mother of 3 DSs, one of whom has AS and is awkward around peers but ok with kids. I think you might call him creepy, OP, if you didn't know him.
On the other hand, I do think gut instinct is important and wouldn't say you should just dismiss your feelings.
I also think you were wrong to check up on him on Facebook.

You have had a tough time on this thread.

What I most wanted to say was how sorry I am that you were abused as a child. It must be horrible to have to live with the way what happened to you has left such a sad mark. I really don't mean that in anything other than a genuine way. Having someone betray your innocence as a child surely must give a person a skewed view of the world.

I hope you find a way to feel ok about this.

OP if your inner warning systems have been set off you should not ignore it. That doesn't mean you can make accusations but you should monitor the situation carefully.

Hulababy, it is unlikely that parents would feel the same about a female TA, but in my school we do have rules about being in a visible place, leaving doors open, ensuring that anything more intimate needs two adults.
It is to protect the adults more than the children and to avoid any misinterpretations. This young man's only defence against 'He's creepy and strange' is to have a cast-iron alibi in all and every situation. Otherwise the whispering will start and that rarely ends well.