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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to label my twins so others can tell them apart?

178 replies

twinsufficient · 04/10/2012 16:31

Dts' nursery teacher has asked me to label them with different coloured stickers as she can't tell them apart. Imho doing this will mean that the teachers will stop trying to tell who is who and rely on the stickers. They are identical but there are differences in face and eye shape etc so not impossible. Should I do as the teacher asks or not?

OP posts:
ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 04/10/2012 23:01

I taught two pairs of very, very identical twins. One set wore different colour polo shirts. The other pair were more tricky but one of them had a freckle on his chin and the other didn't. It didn't mean I could tell them apart unless they were facing me though :)

Perhaps do the sticker thing until she has got to know them better? With the polo shirt twins, I found quite soon that their personalities were so different I could tell them apart from their facial expressions.

Coralanne · 04/10/2012 23:02

At my surgery we have twins (15 months old). They are identical until you see their eyes. One has bright blue eyes, the other Hazel.

Twins names are Skye and Allison.

Sounds a bit convulated, but I remember who is who by knowing that the one with blue eyes doesn't have the same name as the sky. Grin

Mum is quite impressed that I nevr make a mistake with their names.

santaisNOTathreat · 04/10/2012 23:06

i have known my son's friends who are twins for 4 years, i still can not tell them apart.

it now cost me 10p every time i get it wrong, i will learn. < wonders if 7 year olds can scam>

TheSmallClanger · 04/10/2012 23:10

I sometimes struggle to tell the non-identical twins in my family apart. I think they had little name badges when they first started school, until everyone worked out the tell-tale differences.

There were boy twins in my class at infants, and they always wore different coloured t-shirts.

YUNoSaySomethingNice · 04/10/2012 23:11

Are your DD's allowed to wear earrings, bangles or a necklace to school. It would be a subtle way of identifying them and they could chose the piece of jewellery. I know this might be a rubbish idea as many schools dont allow jewellery.

Stud earrings would be the best choice.

AlwaysHoldingOnToStarbug · 04/10/2012 23:12

As I twin mum I don't think YABU. I wouldn't want to stick labels on my two either.

I did dress them differently when they were at playgroup. One used to wear blue. Unfortunately as they've got older they decide what they want to wear and confuse the family by both wearing blue or ds3 wearing blue and not ds4 who was designated the blue!

I don't think it bothers them when people call them the wrong name, I do it all the time! And I say "You, which one are you?" quite often. And if I talk to one the other assumes I'm talking to them but with the wrong name and I get told off!

DS5's teacher keeps calling him by DS4's name as she taught him, so it's not just a twin thing, DS5 is 3 years younger!

bevelino · 04/10/2012 23:14

I have identical triplets and it would have made life very difficult for the school if I had not distinguished them in some way. As other posters have said why not make it easier for the teacher, isn't life hard enough?
Wearing different coloured hairbands or different clothes would help.

sashh · 04/10/2012 23:17

YABU

The teacher is trying to make sure your children are treated as individuals, they will forever be 'the twins' so this is good.

I don't agree with the labels though, just a different colour hair band, socks or even outfit.

BonzoDooDah · 04/10/2012 23:23

Can I ask you people with identical twins how you told them apart as babies? And if you ever mixed them up then how would you know?
I know these are probably Knobby questions but I've just always wanted to know.

Aspiemum2 · 04/10/2012 23:25

Yikes! Why so serious?? No mental or emotional scars will befall your twins just by making it more obvious which ones which. I've lost count of the number of times I'm asked "which is which". In fact, in the photos we had done when they were born it is super difficult to tell them apart. And mine are frat b/g twins!
Make everyone's life easier and do as the teacher asks, it's really not a big deal.

purplehouse · 04/10/2012 23:29

You must help the teacher out in some way although I agree that labelling them with their names is not the way to go. I haven't picked up if they are girls or boys, but if girls, something to do with their hair might work. Eg if uniform is blue and grey put blue hair band for one and grey for the other. I will warn you - I have twin siblings. Let's call them Sarah and Susan. At school, many people called them both SarahSusan. One ignorant family member did as well ! Do you want similar for yours? Help the staff even if not with name labels. I can obviously tell my siblings apart but I still struggle with other id twins. To me, my siblings look totally different but to other people, they look identical.

Also presuming they are 3, it must be quite irritating for them individually to feel that the teacher doesn't know their name but knows all the other kids. So help !

Gooshka · 04/10/2012 23:30

I suggest that you spend just one week volunteering in a school and then decide yourself whether YABU Wink

SomersetONeil · 04/10/2012 23:40

Surely it's just a stepping stone in the getting-to-know-them period, that will become redundant over time. A means to an ends that makes everyone's life easier?

SomersetONeil · 04/10/2012 23:40

Gooshka - I think the OP said she is a teacher.

krystianah · 04/10/2012 23:42

Yeah, YABU, sorry.

I have b/g twins (now 11) and am friends - via a twin group - with loads of twin families, including identicals. Some of them are more identical-er than others, if you know what I mean, and with the best will, you can't tell them apart (unless they're together).

IMO you should take responsiblility for how your school views your twins. Don't be lazy. If the teachers can't tell the difference, I would say it's your fault, not theirs. Make them look different, however you can.

You don't state what sex your twins are, do you? I think developing a singleton identity is especially important if your twins are girls. Look at the literature. X

krystianah · 04/10/2012 23:48

bevelino, by the way, big respect to you! Gasp! Identical triplets.

musicalendorphins · 05/10/2012 04:03

Stickers, no. Coloured hair clips, or bands, or cutting their hair in different styles yes.

Chopstheduck · 05/10/2012 06:22

I think it is crazy that the classes are determined by birthday and you don't have the option to separate them. Mine were together for reception and then separated from year 1, as per school policy. Each year the classes alter in any case, so it wasn't a case of one child having to leave all their friends.

It did them so much good, helped them grow as individuals. Also their reception teacher had noticed 'home type behaviour' at school - basically squabbling and scuffles, being siblings they would more readily take a chunk out of one another whereas with other classmates they might be more refrained.

By year one, one of their teachers was new and didn't even realise dt1 was a twin until a couple of months in! I think you really should ask the school about reviewing that policy.

Chopstheduck · 05/10/2012 06:23

blimey, I didn't know identical triplets were possible!

Born2bemild · 05/10/2012 06:49

It depends which is more important to you. Your dc being treated as individuals, getting names correct, getting help to correct child. Or making sure your teacher is "making an effort", and not labelling your children.

exoticfruits · 05/10/2012 07:00

I would help the teacher. You need time to observe them - something that a teacher doesn't get. I was in primary school with identical twins and I could tell them apart, even whenI just saw one, but that was because when we were sitting listening to something like a story I had plenty of time to just look. As a teacher it is far more difficult because you never get 10 minutes to nothing but look. I would get them in separate classes if possible and dress them differently when not in school uniform.

VivaLeBeaver · 05/10/2012 07:11

Bonzo, a friend of mine has identical twin babies. She puts a different coloured dot of nail varnish on their big toe.

lljkk · 05/10/2012 07:44

Jumper & a cardigan sounds good. Let the twins choose what their consistent (at school, for now) dress difference will be, too. It will help their peers recognise them and help them develop independent relationships, too.

I lump my non-twin children together at times, why wouldn't I lump twins together if I wanted to? I label DC or a subset of them as a unit all the time, "the boys" "the older ones" "the younger ones" "the runners" etc. The labels do no harm, it helps me support them, it's normal.

My ID twin relatives were born in eras when it was normal to give twins very similar names & to dress them up in ID clothes much of the time just because it looked cute. I refute the idea this harmed them long term; they've turned out quite confident in their own identities. Some parallels in interests, some distinct differences. Occasional class & girlfriend swapping, but that's part of the fun (they tell me). I have no end of stories about funny incidents where one was taken for other (not by teachers, mind).

throckenholt · 05/10/2012 08:39

Mine are id too - when they were at playgroup no-one knew which was which reliably to start with (the kids included). They always wore different clothes. They wouldn't answer to their own name at roll call, but each would look at the other one when the names were called. The staff would watch them, figure out which was which and then remember for that session which clothes each was wearing. Seemed to work most of the time.

As they got to know them they could reliably tell them apart when they were together, not so reliably when they were on their own. We did sometimes get comments about x which I swear were actually about y, but it never seemed worth making an issue of it.

ZonkedOut · 05/10/2012 09:30

Chops, there is even a set of identical quads, there was a documentary about them.

My sister is friends with a mother of I'd triplet girls. They always used to wear different coloured clothes, so each had their own colour. Though I suspect that there is the danger of people looking at the colour rather than learning the more subtle differences.