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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to label my twins so others can tell them apart?

178 replies

twinsufficient · 04/10/2012 16:31

Dts' nursery teacher has asked me to label them with different coloured stickers as she can't tell them apart. Imho doing this will mean that the teachers will stop trying to tell who is who and rely on the stickers. They are identical but there are differences in face and eye shape etc so not impossible. Should I do as the teacher asks or not?

OP posts:
TheCraicDealer · 04/10/2012 16:46

I am a twin, and think you'd be best doing as they request. You have no idea how annoying it is to go through life with people going, "Which one are you?". Anything that would help people tell the difference is worth a shot. And if you're dressing them the same stop it- it's cute, but it doesn't help people see them as individuals rather than half of a pair. Even uniforms can be tweaked a bit to make them different.

[and breathe]

BlueberryHill · 04/10/2012 16:47
  • oops should be a NOT lumped together.
CailinDana · 04/10/2012 16:50

I'm great with faces but when I was a teacher, twins always scuppered me, I think because they're in with so many other children. I mean, teachers mix up children who barely even look alike, simply because there are so many of them (teachers out there, own up to saying "Jane, Kate, Mary, Oh god what's your name again sorry!") so two identical children are bound to be confusing. One poor pair of twins used to just say their name as soon as you looked at them because they were so used to being mixed up.

Help out a little, be nice. A little identifying mark isn't difficult and will help your twins to feel individual in a sea of bodies.

cansu · 04/10/2012 16:52

They won't be treated as individuals if the teacher doesn't know which one is which! There are lots of sensible suggestions on here as to how to make it easier for the teacher. Making it easier will speed up the process and will make sure they are recognised as individuals. The teacher has lots to learn about all the children and the amount of time available to study your ds features is very very limited.

whizmum · 04/10/2012 16:54

YNBU not to label your kids. Quite unnecessary. I agreed with the rising fives playgroup leader to put one of my identical twins in a pony tail to help her. She had not problems by the end of the week. Just blind panic.

I would only agree to labelling if it applied to the rest of the class too.

CailinDana · 04/10/2012 16:54

How is the teacher supposed to tell them apart in PE, when they're not necessarily facing her? Not being able to call a child is very annoying, especially if they're doing something a bit dangerous or naughty.

TheCraicDealer · 04/10/2012 16:56

"I would only agree to labelling if it applied to the rest of the class too."

Did the rest of the class share a womb?

lisaro · 04/10/2012 16:57

My mother never did it with my twin siblings, but most people can now (50 yrs later) tell Gwen and Peter apart. Grin

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 04/10/2012 16:58

Yes, do as they ask. Otherwise they are likely to just not call your children by their names as much as they should, because if they don't start the day knowing which is which then they have no chance of learning.

cansu · 04/10/2012 17:01

Fgs putting a coloured sticker or a different hair tie or whatever is not some dreadful singling out of a child. Your children won't feel upset because of it. I am amazed at how touchy people are about this. By all means say no Op but dont be surprised if the teacher then avoids using your child's name in case they get it wrong! I would really much rather feel confident that the teacher is getting to know my children properly and can tell me reliably what their strengths and weaknesses are.

TobyLerone · 04/10/2012 17:02

YABU. Mothers of multiples can sometimes be so precious.

OldGreyWiffleTest · 04/10/2012 17:02

Stop being precious, OP. Just help the school out. Unless you want them to both be called 'JaneMary' - in which case one or the other will answer.

Why would you not want to help people out - they haven't been looking at their faces for years like you have.

PedanticPanda · 04/10/2012 17:05

What if your twins decide to be a bit mischievous and swap the name tags around now and then to keep their teacher on her toes? :o

CailinDana · 04/10/2012 17:05

A cansu says, if you don't label them then the teacher will just avoid using their names and they're more likely to get left out of things. I found myself unintentionally not talking to twins because of how their faces fell when I used the wrong name :( I did try to get it right, honest!

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 04/10/2012 17:06

Sometimes even when people can see the differences, it hard to remember which one is the one with that particular feature. You know that one has the bigger eyes, but you don't know which it is. Or you can tell the differences when they are standing right next to each other, but it's harder when they aren't together.

Please remember that the nursery teacher is doing what she thinks is best in her experience, she's not going out of her way to piss you off.

ChippyMinton · 04/10/2012 17:09

Give them a difference - jumper/cardigan, hairstyle etc - and give the poor teacher a break.

You don't have to let on to the twins that you are doing it though, in case they swap, and also it's nice for them to know that the adults can recognise them individually - they don't need to know why.

HeadfirstForHalos · 04/10/2012 17:11

The twins in dd1's class have always worn different coloured bobbles for the staff to tell them apart.

YABU to think the teaching staff can tell them apart as easily as you, you've had years to get to know them :)

EvilTwins · 04/10/2012 17:12

YABU. I have ID twins. For a start I NEVER dressed then identically (why would anyone? They're individuals) but even family and friends muddle them. When they were in nursery, they had labels at first (on their backs- so that they wouldn't fiddle with them) and the staff soon learned who was who. When they started school, they had identical uniform but different shoes. One of them has been known as Daisy Two Straps ever since. I had no issues in making it easier for all concerned.

We know a lot of twins. I've known one set since they were tiny (6 now) and I STILL have problems telling them apart. Another twin mum I know had cool t-shirts with her girls' names on them and they used to wear them when they went somewhere new (ie gym club) for the first time.

Why make it harder?

zzzzz · 04/10/2012 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rosa · 04/10/2012 17:22

Yabu, you gave birth to them and lived with them 24/7. I know identical twins that have been with my dd since nursery,. At a distance I still cannot tell them apart. Close up one has a small mole on her chin, other than that I wouldn't have a clue.....my dd was in school with them for 4 years she still calls out both names.......its hard so I would help them out.

lisaro · 04/10/2012 17:24

Evil I love t'Daisy two straps'. That's how nick names should come about.

NopofacehaveI · 04/10/2012 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rooted · 04/10/2012 17:30

I have twin girls who are not identical but look very similar, leaders at play groups etc often struggle to work out who is who. I currently dress them in a similar style but different colours and will say to play group that x is in red and y in purple. I would rather they were called by their names and want to help the teachers to do this. At school I think I will go down a different hair band/clip colour route to help settle them in. I think if you help the teacher out at the start hopefully she will eventually be able to tell who is who without help. I don't think I would want a label but maybe have something consistently different.

SoupDragon · 04/10/2012 17:31

If they can tell the other children apart, they should make the effort to be able to tell twins apart.

LOL - they can tell the other children apart because they all look completely different!

INE, it is usually easy to learn which twin is which when you see them together. Less easy to work it out if you only have one of them in front of you. unless you are a parent or with them for a significant amount of time. The teacher will learn.

Out of interest, could you tell them apart easily when you first had them?

TobyLerone · 04/10/2012 17:32

I'm a bit face blind. I'm convinced that I wouldn't be able to tell my own twins apart.