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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to label my twins so others can tell them apart?

178 replies

twinsufficient · 04/10/2012 16:31

Dts' nursery teacher has asked me to label them with different coloured stickers as she can't tell them apart. Imho doing this will mean that the teachers will stop trying to tell who is who and rely on the stickers. They are identical but there are differences in face and eye shape etc so not impossible. Should I do as the teacher asks or not?

OP posts:
justmyview · 04/10/2012 22:00

My Dad reached aged 21 before he could tell the difference between his father and uncle (twins). I think you should help the teacher

I like the idea of name badges, rather than telling the children they must have certain haircuts / clothes. You seem to assume that the children would object to name badges. Maybe they would like it, if they feel special to have a twin?

mrsminerva · 04/10/2012 22:04

I am a mother of twins too, albeit fraternal ones. I think YABU and precious about the whole thing TBH. Could you not give them different haircuts or something to help those 'less gifted in divination' a chance to tell one from t'other? You will have enough fights in the years to come about the way they are treated so I wouldn't waste your energy on a non-issue like this.

theotherboleyngirl · 04/10/2012 22:04

Also OP - I don't know about you, but to me my identical twins look completely different. They have done since they were born. However, trying to describe the differences to others to help them proves to be hard to quantify. The differences are so minimale.g. X's eyes are slightly more 'wide', it's obvious to me that my ability to tell them apart (and that of DS and DH who know them closely) is not going to be able to be shared by many others and I feel it would be unreasonable of me to expect that of someone like a teacher coming in to the childrens' life at a later stage - if your twins are still very naturually identical. Do you have any photos where you look back and go "ummm, errr, I think it's X" but can't say with 100% certainty? Or can only be sure because of the clothes they are wearing? I think that's the closest I can liken it to in how hard it is for others to tell my girls apart and so to me it seems natural to do something which helps others.

echt · 04/10/2012 22:08

This is no help at all, but I once taught identical twins who had the same first name, too. :o

QuintessentialShadows · 04/10/2012 22:08

Different hair? Different length of hair?

AdoraBell · 04/10/2012 22:09

I've just asked my own twins, recently turned 11, how they would feel if I had labled them. One would have left home, the other would have killed me. They suggest different hair bands/styles, earrings, outfits.

HTH

theotherboleyngirl · 04/10/2012 22:12

which again just goes to show different twins different relationships different attitudes different children... what works for one set of twins isn't necessarily right for another.

who knows maybe I should start saving now for the therapy they will need as a result of me having got them name badges (which they love and ask for by the way!)

Viviennemary · 04/10/2012 22:13

Couldn't they wear different coloured hair ribbons or different coloured socks or something like that if you object to labels. I'm sure teaching is hard enough without not being able to tell who is who in a pair of identical twins. Or suggest every child in the class wears a name badge and then they won't feel the only ones with labels.

EllenParsons · 04/10/2012 22:14

I'm an identical twin and I do see where you're coming from OP. I think labels seem really awful, and I would never make my children wear identifying stickers if I had twins. I would have hated that myself. Something like one in a jumper and one in a cardigan, or having different hairstyles etc is better but then I do also agree with the poster who is worried about that taking the kids choice away if they have to be the one with bunches and the one with the clips and can't change their mind about trivial things like a hair style like anyone else could. My sister and I used to be colour coded with red or blue shoes a lot of the time as kids and my sister had to have shorter hair, which she told me she actually hated! It is difficult to know how to help the teacher tell them apart and I dont think you are being precious. Some teachers really just don't make the effort though. One I had in primary school never ever called me by name and always called me "twinny"!

exoticfruits · 04/10/2012 22:21

If you dress them differently it wouldn't be a problem just tell them first thing each day which is which.

EverybodysCryEyed · 04/10/2012 22:23

Im interested to know - are the other children able to tell the difference?

I think kids see the world differently and wonder if they find this kind of thing easier

Coralanne · 04/10/2012 22:29

A close friend has identical twins. (They look like Annie).

When they were pre-schoolers one always wore red shoes and the other blue shoes,

To this day when I see them, the colours red and blue always pop into my head.

Maybe a small wristband would suffice until the teacher is more comfortable in telling them apart.

mrsminerva · 04/10/2012 22:29

Twinny, Ellen? Thats really bad from a teacher. Now that I would get in a strop about. Did anyone ever ask you which was the evil twin out of you and your sister? You'd be amazed what sort of questions people come out with as a parent of twins. Classic being to parent of boy/girl twins, are they identical?!!! I mean WTF!!!?

dottyspotty2 · 04/10/2012 22:29

Is this school nursery as when mine went they wore name badges anyway they still do.YANBU though.

theotherboleyngirl · 04/10/2012 22:30

EverybodysCryEyed - in my experience children are much much better at telling them apart! I have a theory - they aren't worried about getting it wrong and so just go with the gut feeling and so can pick up the subleties more easily because they don't even attempt to study dfferences!

Coralanne · 04/10/2012 22:31

Ellen , you aren't my friend's daughter are you? Grin

SoMuchToBits · 04/10/2012 22:38

As a twin myself, first of all can I say I think you have done the right thing in putting them in different clothes when they are not at school. The uniform is obviously a constraint, but if they are happy to wear different hair accessories/hairstyles/shoes/cardigan or jumper, then I would go with that.

I wouldn't assume though that because you can tell the difference between your children by looking at them everyone else can. I help out at my ds's old primary school (he has now moved to secondary) and know a couple of sets of identical twins there. As a twin, I know how annoying it is if people don't know who you are, so I have tried very hard to tell the difference between them, but they are so similar I really struggle, especially if I don't see them together but in isolation.

I do think it's unnacceptable though for people just not to bother even trying to learn the differences between them. When we were teenagers my sis and I had completely different hairstyles and people still got us mixed up! And being called "Twinny"! A neighbour's daughter used to do that and it made me so angry - she just didn't see us as individuals at all.

EverybodysCryEyed · 04/10/2012 22:39

The other Boleyn girl - thanks. Very interesting!

amillionyears · 04/10/2012 22:40

Definitely label them in some way.I have twins.I used not to be able to tell them apart when they were some distance away,with their backs to me.
You need the teachers to be able to call "oy Mark or whoever,dont do ......,
not say "oh,uh,uh,....." and waste valuable moments if they are about to do something dangerous.Or get into trouble in the school playground or whatever.
Also,from a educational point of view,no way do you want their school reports to be the same,because the teachers cannot tell them apart. You want to know their personal educational strengths and weaknesses properly surely?
In short,you want them treated sperately,and this will happen a whole lot better if they are differentiated at school.

BeauNeidel · 04/10/2012 22:44

I have identical boys, they don't look ID at the moment as one has an interesting, self-inflicted short haircut and the other longer.

I would label them, especially as it's the beginning of the term. Undoubtedly she will know who they are just as they move up to a different teacher! Grin

BTW, I can tell the difference between my boys, but am hopeless with others. It is much harder when they are not your own.

Coralanne · 04/10/2012 22:46

When friend's DD's were 6 my DD was 3.

Twins were named Jillian and Melissa. My DD (at 3 Years old) used to call them both Jillissa. Blush.

Don't know how she came up with this as she was always encouraged to try to tell them apart.

QuintessentialShadows · 04/10/2012 22:47

The twins in my primary class, Lisbeth and Kristin were called Krisbet. Better than Lisbin I suppose....

cocolepew · 04/10/2012 22:52

How would wearing different coloured hair bobbles help? The teacher would need to be told who is wearing what colour and remember it, or am I missing something?

nothingbyhalves · 04/10/2012 22:52

I am a mother of identical twins and a teacher. When they went to nursery i would always dress them differently to help people tell them apart. I also have taught lots of twins, one set in particular were very difficult to tell apart, and to this day I still struggle. Something as simple as badges would have made my life so much easier. If a teacher asked me to do something similar I would oblige.
I can see where you are coming from, but be practical.

GreenPetal94 · 04/10/2012 22:57

When my friend realised that the reports written about her identical twin boys in the SECOND year of primary were clearly the wrong way around, she decided it was time for action. She's a hairdresser and gave one of them a short haircut and the other ended up with longer floppy hair. They've kept these hairstyles all through primary. Once people could tell them apart (they are very identical facially) a whole host of changes happened with friendships and education and she finally realised her assumptions that children and teachers could tell them apart in their school uniforms were incorrect.