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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think children shouldn't be allowed to scribble on their toys?

88 replies

tryingtoleave · 04/10/2012 13:28

Ds (6) has a Melissa and Doug wooden castle, that I gave him for his birthday a couple of months ago. I found him writing all over it with a permanent pen. He had written 'knights' and 'queen' and king, and also put lots of other scribbles on it. I was furious and told him off. He said 'but dad said it was ok and helped me'. I didn't believe him but dh confirmed it was true. I apologized to ds but reiterated to him that 'we only draw on paper' and never with a permanent pen.

Anyway, dh said he couldn't see anything wrong with it at the time, he kind of sees where I'm coming from now but that ds was being creative and he thinks it was not so bad. He says this is just a 'parenting difference' between us. He also thinks that the castle is not ruined, as I think it is. I think dcs prefer toys that actually look nice, and I was hoping this castle would be around for a while and be handed on to dd. It cost $100 Sad.

Please tell me I'm not being unreasonable or crazy, as dh is suggesting...

OP posts:
HolyAutumnGoldBatman · 04/10/2012 14:04

YANBU, I don't let my DC's draw/scribble on reading book or toys that are not intended to be scribbled on. They have plenty of outlets for their creativity, they need to do it on their toys.

I don't think you should punish DS though because your DH said it was ok so he hasn't done anything wrong. Explain to him why you don't want him to draw on his toys and involve him in cleaning it off and then let him have the castle back.

PigeonPie · 04/10/2012 14:05

Fred - how can small children differentiate between their own and other Children's toys? Might as well make the rule the same for everywhere - helps the children know the boundaries.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 04/10/2012 14:05

I think what he did was creative...but explain the difference between that and graffiti.

maddening · 04/10/2012 14:08

Our ds is 20mths and loves stickers- he loves customising anything but we encourage him to stick to his toys rather than the house - his little ride-ons are festooned with stickers now. Maybe don't have permanent pens available to the children?

Original poster
tryingtoleave · 04/10/2012 14:08

I think I made it clear to ds that I wasn't blaming him (once i had spoken to dh). I didn't even take the castle away in front of him - I did it when they were in bed.

I'm off to bed now myself. I guess dh was right and it is just a parenting difference (although I still do think my way is right it is clearly open to argument).

OP posts:
Original poster
tryingtoleave · 04/10/2012 14:10

There is usually a permanent pen in the kitchen for lunch boxes, etc. I did say to dh that if he saw a dc with it it should be removed.

OP posts:
numbum · 04/10/2012 14:12

I can't decide if YABU or not but wanted to ask...

Is it just a plain wooden castle? My DD decided to 'decorate' her plain wooden doll house with biro Hmm but I explained it didn't look nice and we ended up painting it together to make it look more exciting

BitOutOfPractice · 04/10/2012 14:13

I absolutely agree with you OP and can't beleive there are people saying it's OK to do this. No no no! YANBU, your DH is.

FuckityFuckFuck · 04/10/2012 14:18

I don't really see a problem with it. While you might prefer the toys all looking nice, it's his toy and he should be able to customise them if he wants to.

So yes, 'parenting difference' it is :)

And please give him the castle back

Uppermid · 04/10/2012 14:19

I'm with you op, also can't believe some people think its ok. None of my friends would be happy about this at all.

Original poster
tryingtoleave · 04/10/2012 14:19

this is it

I dont think he was doing it for aesthetics. I think it was a fairly complicated game. He had game counters all over too, lined up like armies.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 04/10/2012 14:19

I wouldn't be pleased if my children had scribbled on toys. The same way I wouldn't have been pleased if they'd scribbled in books. I'd have told them not to. I think they scribbled on a wall once or twice. But you have to tell them they shouldn't else how can they know.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 04/10/2012 14:20

I think on this occasion it was a parenting issue as you and DH have a different view - not a problem - as you can now agree a house rule together.

Personally I don't think children should be allowed to scribble on books and toys - it is not the end of the world - but it is nobsence that a childs creativity will be curtailed by not letting them draw on toys and books. I let them make and draw and paint often, on card, paper and fabric, making, sticking etc. etc. they love that. The best thing is when they have an enormous cardboard box which they customize into whatever they want. By stopping dd from drawing on her dolls house I am preserving it for future playing and her future regret, not harming her imagination.

Shakirasma · 04/10/2012 14:20

YANBU about children scribbling on their toys. I would not allow it personally.

However, your DS asked permission from a parent to decorate his castle, permission was granted.

As a result, your DS has been told off, then apologised to, but then his castle has been taken from him anyway, and his decorating efforts ( which he had permission to do) are to be erased. For that, YABU.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 04/10/2012 14:21

nobsence??? Hmm NONSENCE Blush

bigmouthstrikesagain · 04/10/2012 14:22

I am missing something here, where does it say op removed castle from her ds?

BitOutOfPractice · 04/10/2012 14:27

I think nobsence was better bigmouth

Shakirasma · 04/10/2012 14:28

IN the ops second post at 13:39:07.

DameKewcumber · 04/10/2012 14:30

"but it just looks so bad" well obviously to you but not so it seems to your DS and DH

I would draw the line at permanent marker because I would (and have) explained to DS that you can't change your mind with permanent marker - its like a tatoo and once its done, it can;t come off. I would let DS decorate his toys with stickers and draw on wooden toys using pencils. Because they are toys and for playing with and, within reason, it isn't fair to dictate what kind of playing is suitable in your eyes. Especially now that you can see that very many people really wouldn't have a problem with it.

I wouldn't let DS destroy a toy but decorate it or marking it for use in a specific game as fine in my book. He frequently uses felt tips to write signs on his lego buildings.

If you insist on removing the words that he very carefully wrote, then I would strongly suggest you get him involved with the repainting task otherwise you are very clearly telling him that his way of playing is not correct which seems a bit mean. A bit of gentle guidance about permanent vs temporary or alterable should be more than enough.

And if you like it to look pristine so much, buy your own and put it on a shelf!

bigmouthstrikesagain · 04/10/2012 14:31

ahhh... well yes that is a bit rough on the kid seeing as Daddy ok'd it. Removal at night for cleaning purposes while child sleeps would be suffiient.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 04/10/2012 14:39

Btw - my stance that drawing on their stuff is not appreciated has not prevented the dc from doing that despite my lax supervision. But when presented with a decorated defaced toy I do not clap my hands and say 'How wonderfully creAtive darling' I roll my eyes and say 'Did you HAVE to do that?' I only punish when they have drawn on walls or table etc (usually by handing them cleaning materials and letting them 'have at it') my children are irrepressibly creative... graffiti artists

rainonmyparade · 04/10/2012 14:40

I would be angry too OP.

Yesterday I saw a car - old people carrier type thing - in supermarket car park. Kids had obviously had a go at painting it. It was coloured paint - flowers, patterns, names written on side. It was definately kids work. My DH would have had a heart attack!

Runoutofideas · 04/10/2012 14:44

My dd2 (5) has written in biro on the tablecloth. It says "I love Mummy" in really teeny tiny little writing! I didn't have the heart to tell her off!

Jas · 04/10/2012 14:46

DS has drawn or written on almost everything he owns. Also on his walls. He knows what is his, and what is not, and doesn't draw on other peoples toys (including his sisters), any walls outside his room, or books.

They are his toys - he can do what he wants with them.

SummerRain · 04/10/2012 15:03

I can't believe how many people think it's ok to draw on toys Shock

Loads of my children's toys have already been loved by two generations of kids and it would be lovely to do the same again with their toys. Ds2s beloved rabbit that he carries everywhere was given to me by my grandparents when I was two, they have all my barbies, fisher price toys, books etc. And when they're bigger they'll be given some of my father's toys which I also spent my childhood playing with.

Id be very annoyed if they purposefully drew on them, and apoplectic if dp encouraged it!

Toys are meant to be enjoyed, treasured and respected. Not vandalised for an hours entertainment!

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