Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told him i can't have sex?

146 replies

janflan · 04/10/2012 10:08

I've got myself into a situation. I've been chatting to this bloke for a few weeks on fb and by text. He's someone i used to know a while back but don't really know him that well.

We planned to meet and i may have led him on a bit. Due to circumstances i thought meeting up wouldn't be for a while and i could have lots of wine and it would be dark.

Now he wants to take the day off and come over tomorrow! In the daylight! He's younger than me by quite a bit and is fit in more ways than one. I'm not in any way!

There's no way i can have sex with him in the daylight without wine with only a day to prepare! I'd need a new outfit and my hair, eyebrows and nails done and a hedge trimmer

I've just sent him a message basically saying that i know i might have led him on but i can't have sex with someone I've just met. That i do really like him but think coffee might be best.

He's been constantly texting me all day and now he's gone quiet.

OP posts:
AllYoursBabooshka · 04/10/2012 11:57

When you talk do you guys have a laugh? Do you have things in common?

Try to focus on the positive things about meeting him and stop being so hard on yourself.

boredandrestless · 04/10/2012 12:01

Meet up outside of the house for coffee.

There is no hurry, get to know each other properly.

Original poster
janflan · 04/10/2012 12:01

Really? You think?

OP posts:
flyoverthegoldenhill · 04/10/2012 12:14

Janflan if your that desperate shag first coffee after !

Original poster
janflan · 04/10/2012 12:20

We do have a laugh and a bit in common think the age gap might prevent anything long term.

No I'm not deserate thank you very much and they'll be no shagging before the coffee!

He doesn't remember bumping into me in the pub i just asked him so that means he's remembering me 10 years and 5 stone ago! Oh fuck!

OP posts:
monkeysbignuts · 04/10/2012 12:23

ah give yourself some credit! He obviously likes you and no way would I jump straight into bed with a person on the first night. so yanbu, just enjoy a catch up and see where it goes from there

flyoverthegoldenhill · 04/10/2012 12:25
Wine Wine Wine that'll do the trick
Pancakeflipper · 04/10/2012 12:25

Is that guy you sent a text t, following you and your boyfriend splitting up cos' you'd always had a thing about him and he didn't answer back immediately and you got in a tiss.

Or the much younger guy where one of you was sending flirty messages?

And Worra and I said to leave men alone for a while?

EmmaNemms · 04/10/2012 12:26

I met DH online and we talked quite intensively for 6 months before we even alluded about what we looked like, let alone swapped photos. I was really worried about admitting I was a big bird. Luckily his top totty off the telly is Liza Tarbuck so I was right up his street - we've been together 7 years now. Still as fab as it was in the beginning.

Original poster
janflan · 04/10/2012 12:31

The wine would help but not much good for daytime when i have to drive.

We've established there's not going to be any sex anytime soon.

Pancake it's the much younger one.

OP posts:
Original poster
janflan · 04/10/2012 12:34

That gives me some hope Emma.

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 04/10/2012 12:36

oooh Janflan.... the much younger one hasn't disappeared then?

And did the other one ever text?

nosey me - living an interesting life by proxy...

Original poster
janflan · 04/10/2012 12:40

No he hasn't disappeared we've still been in contact.

The other guy never replied :(

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 04/10/2012 12:43

Well - you know when it is Christmas you could send a Happy Christmas text,, how are you etc.....

Original poster
janflan · 04/10/2012 12:50

Now don't give me ideas I'll just get myself into even more trouble!

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 04/10/2012 12:55

You are right JanFlan, I shall stop it....

daddyorchipsdaddyorchips · 04/10/2012 12:56

You might want to give him some warning about how different you look since the last time you met (if indeed there is a big difference and if your FB photos are misleading censored.

There is nothing worse than meeting someone (with whom you've only exchanged photos) and finding out that they are a foot shorter, 4 stone heavier, 10 years older or many follicles missing, than the photos they have shown you.

What about posting up a recent, flattering (but realistic) photo on FB and let him see for himself, rather than having to have the "yeah, I'm fat now" conversation?

Original poster
janflan · 04/10/2012 13:03

That's a good idea i might do that, then he can decide for himself. There is one on there but you can't see all of me.

OP posts:
CupsofTeaAndHandfulsOfCake · 04/10/2012 13:43

What if he's put on weight since you last met?
And he'll be exact the same amount of years older as you are too!
Maybe he's not just out to shag someone or looking for a size 8 woman. He could just be nice.

notanaxemurderer · 04/10/2012 13:56

Most men I know are so excited to get into bed with a lady that they don't care if she's fat, thin, has cellulite or even an extra limb.

Go for it!

flyoverthegoldenhill · 04/10/2012 14:32

notanaxemurderer me thinks we know the same men !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Original poster
janflan · 04/10/2012 14:39

You think? Oh god this is so hard!

OP posts:
daddyorchipsdaddyorchips · 04/10/2012 14:46

I have to say, I have before met up with men (from OD) and their photos have been misleading and I have not been happy. It's almost like they expect you to not realise that the photo was 10 years out date or that it was taken in a very flattering light/angle.

It's simply not fair to lead someone to believe you look one way (if/when you look considerably different). Sure, he might not give two hoots, but equally, he might feel that you've deliberately misled him, be a bit cheesed off/surprised and leave you feeling a bit embarrassed.

Numberlock · 04/10/2012 14:50

Where are you meeting, jan? It's good that he's taken a day off work for this and I hope he's taking you on a proper date, nice lunch or something.

NowThenNowThen · 04/10/2012 14:59

Marking place! You know, its all this texting nonsense that gets us into trouble.
But yeah, you don't have to shag him him until you actually want to !
And how you feel is more important than how you look. Men pick up on confidence and if you feel sexy, they think you are. Jedi mind trick !