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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

To think that the bullying culture on MN can be a bit much....

999 replies

tjah04 · 04/10/2012 08:50

Having been a member of MN since 2003 I have seen and read some disgusting comments from other members particuarly on this board.

I am starting to think that some of these people must be very sad and insecure.

Some of the names that are called are disgusting and I am sure that these people would never go up to someone in RL and call them that.

And do not get me started on the "I am better than you because I can spell" attitude which seems to be the final insult if all else fails.

Other comments include

"troll" "Oh not another thread" etc.

It is cyber bullying at the end of the day and as mothers shouldn't we all just grow up a bit? The MN team do a great job of deleting such posts but often the OP has seen it and the damage is already done.

OP posts:

MissAnnersley · 04/10/2012 19:18

Are they necessarily accusations Sue? Or just opinions. I don't know TBH.

SuePurblybilt · 04/10/2012 19:19

Katie - I heard he loves you. Truly.

Toughasoldboots · 04/10/2012 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

perfectstorm · 04/10/2012 19:20

Hully I could post to two examples of severe bullying, if I dug for them. Horrible ones. But it wouldn't be fair to the victims. I should add that those examples are over three years, though, and neither were on AIBU, but on Parenting, where I would bloody well expect better.

I've also seen a couple of threads on AIBU where Ops were just a bit different, and got it in the neck. That also made me a bit , because it is so like the teenage pack mentality, where different is bad. One poster was selfpitying which always attracts anger, especially online. The other was just a bit odd, but not rude at all herself. I think both those threads showed several posters in a bad light.

Perhaps my definition of bullying is different to other people's, but I think the internet is in general quite an aggressive place; the anonymity enables that. To complain that MN is aggressive is to blame this site for the way the net functions. On the whole, MN is a very supportive and informative place, and frankly if you post on AIBU you need to accept a couple of people will be arsey. Responding in kind will just escalate that. It doesn't make the OP a victim, in and of itself. And all too often that is what people will call bullying. It isn't bullying if both sides are flinging insults at one another, really. Not IMO, anyway.

I do think people who find conflict personally difficult might be advised to steer clear of the web, for their own sanity. The lack of social sanction plus the ability to depersonalise the target of a swipe is disinhibiting for most, and in some cases that's taken to extremes. That isn't MN. That's human nature. The internet just enables it - as it does flooring examples of generosity, kindness and altruism.

SuePurblybilt · 04/10/2012 19:20

Saying that someone on this thread was vile to a vulnerable poster is an accusation, certainly. Yes - perhaps rather a dramatic word for opinions for the rest, fair point

Toughasoldboots · 04/10/2012 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatieScarlett2833 · 04/10/2012 19:21

Not as much as he loves himself.

perfectstorm · 04/10/2012 19:21

I've not seen the LeQ thing, but from the description I just wanted to say that it sounds horrendous and I am sorry she was subjected to it.

ToothbrushThief · 04/10/2012 19:22

I don't see a bullying culture exactly. I do see people who know each other (as regular posters who are like minded) take over a thread by mocking the poster in generally a stifling way. It does prevent a discussion by sheer volume of their posts. I'd describe it as dominating rather than bullying. They target indiscriminately(I.e. not a particular poster)
I do see same old same old appear on these type of threads claiming there is no bullying and people should be more robust. I could almost guarantee who would turn up because it's like a red rag to them. Same technique...
I find it boring rather than threatening

Hullygully · 04/10/2012 19:22

Yes, but bullying of the different is done by the Po. The po are the enemy, they are the ones with a genuine pack mentality. I have posted before (as have others) about how you can watch a thread sway from one extreme to the other as the sheep run across the field.

Hullygully · 04/10/2012 19:23

I am always amazed by how many people bother to post that they are bored.

Not too bored by it to post then?

ToothbrushThief · 04/10/2012 19:23

What perfect storm said...

KatieScarlett2833 · 04/10/2012 19:24

No-one targets anyone toothbrush

That is a big fat lie. We're all to busy discussing paint colours.

SuePurblybilt · 04/10/2012 19:24

And as I said, I find the Po yawnsome in the extreme and fwiw, think they do a fair bit of thread cluttering themselves.

Works both ways.

mumtomoley · 04/10/2012 19:25

Toothbrush you have described what I was trying to say earlier.

MissAnnersley · 04/10/2012 19:25

That's kind of what I was thinking too toothbrushthief - it is a bit like playing 'bullying thread' bingo.

perfectstorm · 04/10/2012 19:25

Sorry Hully - what is PO? I'm having acronym fail.

ScrambledSmegs · 04/10/2012 19:25

perfectstorm bullying in Parenting?! Jeez, that's pretty horrible. I hope it was dealt with by MNHQ?

nkf · 04/10/2012 19:25

I expect this has been covered but I think you get what you give out. I've generally had a nice time on MN. Sometimes so nice that whole afternoons are spent on here. The tough nasty sounding threads usually (IMO) emerge from AIBU when the poster has said some pretty jaw dropping things.

The only time I remember being part of acrimony was during a particularly rumbunctious MN phase (big news story that flushed out many strong and opposing opinions) and I was spoiling for a fight anyway. So you reap what you sow.

Recipes on MN are ace. There is no limit to what some women can do with the ingredients in the cupboard.

ToothbrushThief · 04/10/2012 19:25

It's an opinion HG. I'm posting an opinion relevant to discussion. I' m always amazed at same old response to this type of thread. You shouldn't feel bullied because I say you shouldn't...

TuftyFinch · 04/10/2012 19:26

Ok sorry tough, I don't get Tongue in cheek stuff generally. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I need signposts.

Hullygully · 04/10/2012 19:27

Let's try and suggest positive steps

How would you, ideally, like things to be?

ScrambledSmegs · 04/10/2012 19:27

Yy nkf.

Pagwatch · 04/10/2012 19:29

It's everso frustrating.
The thread was about a "bullying culture"
I don't believe there is one.

If people get pissed off that others go off on a tangent and it should not be allowed, that sounds to me a bit like going to the same pub every night even though you hate the people in the there and the music they have on.

There are loads of threads I don't go on. There are loads I leave when I get bored.
Sometimes they are mine

Hullygully · 04/10/2012 19:30

Those that don't like things, do you want it to go:

answer
answer
answer
answer

all staying strictly on topic and no personal interaction?

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