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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel pissed off that no one else seems to realise how poorly dd aged 9 is?

26 replies

Fairylea · 03/10/2012 11:38

I need a rant.

My dd aged 9 came back from a weekend at her dads complaining of a sore throat. Her dad and his mum and dad who had all been there were very dismissive and basically said she had been fine and didn't need any calpol etc. One look at her told me she was very ill. She was literally grey and very hot. When they left I took her temperature and it was 103.4.

Obviously I gave her calpol and ibuprofen. She has been off school since the weekend. I also have ds aged 15 weeks.

Dd has spent the days basically on the sofa with a sick bowl. She hasn't been sick but doesn't want to eat anything. She has got me up every morning at 4am saying she feels sick (she always sleeps through so that's very unusual). I have come downstairs with her and slept with her on the ssofa. I am shattered. And worried.

I took her to the GP today and they gave her anti biotics. She's started on them now so fingers crossed they work.

What's annoyed me is that even dh who is usually great seems very hard about this... he said why didn't I send her downstairs with a sick bowl ans go to bed !!!! What ?! That seems very callous to me.

Her dad and her nanny etc haven't rang to ask how she is at all and even my own mum who knows dd hasn't been well hasn't asked if she's ok or whatever. I feel like I'm the only one who gives a shit .... I know that's an exaggeration but I'm so tired and annoyed :(

I know thankfully it's just a childhood bug and she will be fine but a little compassion wouldn't go amiss.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/10/2012 11:42

IME children can look fine one minute with 'a bit of a sore throat', death warmed over the next and back again in rapid succession. I don't expect other family members to acknowledge every cough and cold.... sorry.

elliejjtiny · 03/10/2012 11:43

Your poor DD. I had something similar when I was 17. High temp, feeling sick but not being sick, not eating anything. You both have my sympathies.

BupcakesAndCunting · 03/10/2012 11:45

She sounds poorly but more in the vein of a virus/fever. She hasn't got a serious illness so I wouldn't expect the entire family to be rallying around tbh.

I know to you it seems terrible, because you're her mum. Happens to us all.

Hope your DD perks up soon :)

WorraLiberty · 03/10/2012 11:49

Maybe she didn't display that level of illness when she was with her Dad?

When my 9yr old is ill he pretty much gets on with it.

But when his gran comes to see him, suddenly he wants to lie on the couch and be fussed over - because he knows she enjoys fussing and also tends to over react a bit.

Then an hour after she's gone home, he's back to just pretty much getting on with it again.

Original poster
Fairylea · 03/10/2012 11:51

Thanks. I know I probably sound like a raging idiot but I really don't think it's too much to ask for a phonecall from her dad for example. I would ring if roles were reversed.

Her tonsils are very badly inflamed. Her throat actually looks swollen from the outside. Its miserable for her :(

I think I'm most upset with dh for suggesting I should leave her to it at 4am when she's feeling sick... to me as a mum I think someone should sit or be with a child who feels ill enough to wake a parent up.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/10/2012 11:55

Yes I could never leave a sick child to get on with it and just go to sleep.

Did he say that defensively because he thought you were having a go at him do you think?

These childhood illnesses are never nice, but parents deal with them in different ways. So apart from the suggestion you should have left her to it at 4am, I don't think your ex and his family have done anything wrong.

TroublesomeEx · 03/10/2012 12:00

I wouldn't expect phone calls to check up on either of mine for a temperature and sore throat, tbh. It's par for the course with children.

I don't really see why you'd be 'upset' with your husband either, tbh. He'd do something differently to you.

Unless it develops into something worse, it's just a bit of a something and nothing thing that children get all the time.

I hope she feels better soon. I think you might be reading a bit too much into your husbands response and her dad's not phoning though. x

Original poster
Fairylea · 03/10/2012 12:00

Thanks. I don't think he said it defensively. We were just talking about it and I mentioned I was tired and he said it.

Oh it's all a storm in a teacup really I guess sorry. I just feel a bit emotional and tired :(

I suppose I expected my ex to give her some calpol with such a high fever .. I always thought it was dangerous not to ? Maybe I'm wrong..

Sorry. Maybe I am over reactIng. Just hard seeing your dd very ill and feeling soeexhausted yourself.

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 03/10/2012 12:01

Ooh that sounded harsh. Wasn't meant too Blush

When either of mine are ill we all camp out in the living room - duvets and all and DH and I take it in turns to 'play nurse'.

It's a pretty lonely thing to be doing without support though Sad

TroublesomeEx · 03/10/2012 12:03

I think he should have given her calpol if she was that ill then, but the others are right, children can be fine one minute and 10 minutes later you can be on the way to A&E

so it is quite possible she wasn't too bad when she was there.

Original poster
Fairylea · 03/10/2012 12:04

Thanks ... I'm sorry I sound like a wimp don't I.

It's just I suppose being a single parent for 6 years with her has made me very overprotective I guess.... she's currently with a pillow on the sofa watching a DVD.

Dh is working long hours all this week so it's basically me dd and ds non stop.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/10/2012 12:05

You do sound exhausted Sad

It must be hard without support.

TroublesomeEx · 03/10/2012 12:07

No not a wimp, just a bit tired and emotional Smile

I think that when you're on your own (have been there) you invest so much and it's easy to misread other people's differing levels of concern at various points as indifference.

When it's just that they're not you.

Original poster
Fairylea · 03/10/2012 12:08

Yep. Exhausted :(

Ds going through sleep regression so up 3 times a night. And dd up at 4am in between too :(

I've been going to bed at 8 every night.

Ds is asleep now so I'm on here but it's pretty much non stop between them both.

Dh is working away a lot this week so it's me on my own... which I know a lot of other people cope with. I'm being daft. Just tired :(

Hope dd gets better soon.

OP posts:
Scaredbutdoingit · 03/10/2012 12:55

Aww Fairylea, give yourself a big hug from me (if you're a huggy person).

You do sound very tired, and you're understandably scared about your little girl at the same time, so now is really not a good time to do any deep thinking about what other people have/haven't done, and what it all means.

My two cents (for what they're worth), is just concentrate on you and your little ones at the moment.

Remember to comfort yourself as much as possible too (even just little things that make you feel better... like a hot chocolate with a splash of Baileys, or a hot bath). And just focus on her getting better and all of you feeling better.

The analysis of the wider situation can wait... and will also be a lot more productive/rational when circumstances are better and you've had some decent sleep.

MummytoKatie · 03/10/2012 14:26

With small children they do seem to get ill and better ridiculously quick.

I remember dd last winter

Sat - bit of a cough
Sun - more of a cough - went to out of hours GP and got antibiotics
Monday - hospitalised. Talking about putti g her on oxygen as her says we're so low
tues - home - much better
Weds - went to nursery Xmas party - ran around like mad

Had you seen her on Saturday or even Sunday you would have thought I was overreacting at being worried. By Wednesay you wouldn't have believed me either. But on Monday I was terrified.

MummytoMog · 03/10/2012 15:15

It's annoying that nobody else seems to get how horrible it is - my kids had a vomiting/diarrhoea bug for a month solid at the beginning of the year, we were up at least once a night to change over sheets (and towels, old dog blankets, curtains, and anything else we could find to put over their beds), they would barely eat or drink, vomit or explode with poo every day and the rest of the time lie on the sofa limply. The GP just sent me away every time I took them in, work got furious with me (because they couldn't go to the childminder) and not one single person (apart from DH) seemed to get that this was literally the most horrible month of our lives. Not even other parents. You can have some sympathy from me, it sounds dreadful, especially with a tiddler as well.

crackcrackcrak · 03/10/2012 15:18

Yanbu. Exp always down plays dd illness (not that it's been often) and it just annoys me. I think it's a mothering instinct thing that we do.
You sound like a nice caring mum Smile

tanteclaire · 03/10/2012 15:31

I'm not surprised you're a bit aggrieved - if she and other kids are not sick often a temp like that can be a nasty shock and really worrying. Your ex sounds pretty lacking not to have noticed or taken her for medical attention if she is that sick.
Keep an eye as I have found temps like that can be caused by tonsillitis and the first resort antibx are not as good as the hardcore penicillin.
Wishing her well.

Original poster
Fairylea · 03/10/2012 18:05

Thank you everyone.

I feel a bit embarrassed that I posted this thread but I was venting and worried and tired. Thank you for your kind words.

She's a lot better this afternoon. She has had some soup which is the first thing she's eaten in days really and her temperature is much lower. I feel a bit silly but she seemed so poorly this morning ..... maybe ex etc didn't see the worst of it. I think I was just annoyed as he NEVER seems to give her calpol even when I suggest he does and pack some in her bag!!

I have eaten lots of cake and ds has gone to sleep already so I can breathe.

Thankful for all the comments.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairylea · 03/10/2012 18:06

Oh and mummytoKatie wow that must have been scary.. so sorry that you both went through that.

OP posts:
Lancelottie · 03/10/2012 18:12

I think I'm guilty of chronic underplaying of ill children.

Just taken DS (quite big and being strangely stoical) to the GP with an apologetic, 'Sorry to bother you for a cold, but he's quite wheezy', and come home with an inhaler, antibiotics, steroids and a firm injunction to watch him carefully and go to A&E if concerned tonight.

Sorry, DS!

McHappyPants2012 · 03/10/2012 18:15

Op perhaps they haven't phone just incase you are sleeping

Hope your DD gets well soon

jkklpu · 03/10/2012 18:39

It's awful when your kids are ill. Instead of going downstairs to the sofa, can dd come into your bed so you can both snooze, without putting on the lights?

TroublesomeEx · 04/10/2012 11:06

Fairylea You're getting so many kind comments because we've all been there! Smile

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