To be peed off to find an ex colleague/friend selling my old baby clothes.

[fishandlilacs]

We both used to work together, I gave her 2 bin bags of my daughters old clothes when her daughter was born about 15m ago-some of which had labels still on and in VGC. She still works at my old workplace, she lives with her parents, no mortgage, her husband on a damn good wage and she pays nothing for childcare.

I lost my job while I was pregnant with my 2nd child-they let me go due to a contracting issue. I'm still unemployed. She knows how broke we are. She also knows I am busy carbooting everything I dont need anymore to put money aside to pay for christmas.

Yet I find her advertising her old baby clothes on a facebook-about 40 of the items I clearly recognise as things I gave her.

Now I know I didn't lend them, I did give them. But AIBU to think it would have been considerate of her to offer them back to me? If circs had been reversed I would have done without a moments thought.

[pictish]

Unless they were given specifically on loan, they are hers to do with what she wants.
You cannot give people stuff, then expect a say in what happens to it once they are finished with it!!

[YouMayLogOut]

Like the idea from ClutchingPearls.

I'm afraid I'd be tempted to add "and could do with eBaying them as we haven't had a holiday for 2 years!"

[pictish]

You CANNOT ask that someone gives you stuff back that you willingly gave to them!!

WTAF????

[TimothyClaypoleLover]

Sorry fish but you gave her the baby clothes so they are hers to do with as she pleases. It is a little bit cheeky on her part but up to her. I would have no problem selling clothes friends had given me if I no longer needed them but would probably try and pass them on first before resorting to selling them.

It always makes me laugh the number of people that give things away and then think they have a right to have them back/have half the money from the proceeds. Don't give things away if you are not happy with the possibility of someone selling them.

[Want2bSupermum]

YANBU - Most of the baby clothes in our house are from friends. I would never think to sell them. Once we are done I will let them know we are finished with them and if there is anything they would like to us to do with them.

I would message her on facebook and say that a friend of yours is pregnant with a girl and you were wondering if the clothes you gave her could be passed on your friend.

[pigletmania]

I agree with Pictish, you gave her the clothes not lent them, they are now hers to do with what she wants. You should have told her that you want them back

[Hopeforever]

I think this is one of life's harsh lessons.

There is no point in saying anything, it won't make you feel any better.

Block her Facebook page if it helps

I also believe if you have a generous nature you are overall a happier person. Hope in time you get the holiday you need

[Isabeller]

YANBU to feel upset and maybe if you could do it over you'd say 'I'm carbooting this lot but please help yourself to anything you can use'.

There might be a way of thinking about the situation which would make you feel better which is the only thing you have some influence over now as you can't really get the stuff back.

Imagine she swapped a few items that didn't fit her DD for something that her DD really needed, you'd probably be ok with that and happy that the items had gone to someone who did want them. Now imagine she did a 3 way swap... the money is just a way to help everyone swap stuff without having to track down the one person who wants 6mo vests for a thomas the tank engine book.

[BrittaPerry]

If you get something for free, you give it away for free when you have finished with it. It doesn't have to be to the same person imo though.

Only exception being gifts that were specifically bought for you, ie not hand me downs. In that case, when you have finished with them it is ok to sell. Bu only after you have used them.

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

I don't think this is just about her wanting them back. It's about the op feeling the friend has taken her gift and profiteered from it. Especially hard to take when the op is struggling financially

[pictish]

Oh well - she should not have given them in the first place - because that's how it works. You hand it over - you kiss it goodbye.

[theQuibbler]

I don't think you're BU to be upset. However, I was given a ton of baby clothes for DS that he's growing out of now that he's 14 months. To be honest, I would be really hardpressed to remember who gave me what. Maybe she doesn't know which ones to return to you?

[FermezLaBouche]

I agree that once you let it go, you no longer get a say in what happens with it.

However, I once had a chap and his girlfriend over to take some baby fish off me (I was overrun) and they expressed admiration in my tank, which I explained I was selling. The chap was so knowledgeable (and told me such a bloody sob story about his hard times) that like a knob, I offered him it for free, which he leaped on. Fine by me, I was moving, I needed rid, and I really thought he'd make the most of it.

No, he sold it on FB along with all the equipment AND fish I'd given him for an amount over £250. It did sting a little...

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

Pictish


I wouldn't give any more clothes to a friend who did this

[BenandBolly]

YABU

You gave her the stuff, she may not even remember which things she bought and which were given.

I was given loads of stuff, I have given away lots to charity and friends and sold some bits that friends didn't need. I wouldn't have been able to go through everything and think who gave me that, or did I buy it?

[IneedAsockamnesty]

whilst yes she can do what she wants with them, it is extreamly bad form and grabby for her to sell them.

i wouldnt be friends with someone like that

[Xnedra]

Did you give her the stuff sayin g that you wanted it back when finished with or did you give it to her?

[ditziness]

A friend if mine has just done this! Her baby girl
Isn't even three months and she's selling all the newborn stuff I sent her. Obviously she didn't like it.

[tanteclaire]

This is plain rude. YANBU

[pictish]

Jamie

So don't.

[waterlego6064]

Yes, in theory, they are hers to do whatever she wants with. BUT, I think it's very rude to make a profit from something which someone has handed on to you free, in the spirit of helping you out.

When my SIL had finished with baby hand-me-downs I had given her, she asked me if it was ok to charity shop them/pass them on to a friend and I thought it was very polite of her to ask. I had hoped/expected that was exactly what she would do with them, as it is what I have done with items that have been given to me. I wouldn't dream of selling something I'd been given free by a friend.

It has happened recently to a friend of mine (just as described in the OP) so, from now on, I will always make sure that when I give things to others, I ask them to take them to the charity shop afterwards!

[dysfunctionalme]

I don't think it's very nice of her.

I was given some baby gear by a friend and much later on I sold it. I gave her the money and she was thrilled but insisted I take half as she said she wouldn't have ever got round to selling.

[Leena49]

Did you say you wanted them back afterwards. If not then sorry but once you give something away then they become that persons. How do we all know what has become of some of the things we have given away in the past. I've put things in charity bags that probably ended up being sold on.
At the end of the day they are just baby clothes and don't seem to go for that much on eBay anyway. I think you are making a lot of fuss over not much and will risk losing a friendship.

[StuntGirl]

I'm amazed that on MN so many people expect baby things they've given away to be given back. If you gave as opposed to lend then they are no longer yours to make any decision on. Sorry.

[monsterchild]

YABVU.you gave the clothes away end of your involvement. And I think it's hilarious p people saying if you're given something for free you don't sell it. Really? So when you inherit that expensive item from aunt Tilly you know you will never display you should just give it away and not try to get some money for it?