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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that DD (11) should face the consequences of not handing in homework on time

92 replies

freddiefrog · 01/10/2012 19:45

DD (11, in year 6) is completely forgetful and totally absent minded.

She forgets to bring home homework, forgets to hand it in, forgot her bike for Bikeability this morning, forgot after school club, forgets her lunch, and the latest - she was supposed to stay in for 5 minutes at lunchtime today as she didn't hand in grammar homework on time, but forgot to go so has to stay in for 10 minutes instead tomorrow and I have absolutely no sympathy.

I spend half my life chasing her around, reminding her of stuff and generally chivvying her along

When she went back to school in September we made a big planner, filled it all in with clubs, homework times, piano practice, PE days, swimming days, etc, etc and stuck it up on her bedroom wall. It gets updated with homework as she gets it. I remind her to check her planner every morning and evening to check she has the right stuff/got her homework/whatever and stepped back and let her take responsibility for her stuff, and to accept whatever punishment her teacher gives her

A friend thinks I'm being harsh and the kids shouldn't lose their playtime - her DD also has to stay in for 10 minutes tomorrow and is going in to see the head

I think at 11 she's old enough to take responsibility for her actions and face up to the consequences without Mumbles interfering

OP posts:

Original poster

freddiefrog · 02/10/2012 13:13

Fingers crossed for a miracle!

Once she starts secondary, I'll be too far away to keep bailing her out. If she forgets her lunch, it stays forgotten. She will be able to go to the office for an emergency dinner credit, but I think I'll be docking it out of her pocket money, (if she stays on packed lunches that is, she chooses packed lunches at the moment as she doesn't like the school dinners).

Thanks

OP posts:

SomeoneThatYouUsedToKnow · 02/10/2012 13:13

My DS2 was exactly like your daughter at that age. There was no chance of him remembering his bag, his PE kit and his lunch on the same day. I didn't used to do anything about it other than a cursary Have you got everything ready for tomorrow . He would get detentions from the teachers and sometimes did not do well in tests because he had forgotten to revise.
Not nagging meant that we were not fighting with him all the time. He is now 18 and is spectacularly well organised and responsible. He matured in his own time and that's the whole idea of school isn't it?

SomeoneThatYouUsedToKnow · 02/10/2012 13:15

Oops ignore my first post. Silly tiny iPhone typing

ClippedPhoenix · 02/10/2012 13:38

My son is 14 with a head like a sieve

I do the have you got any homework every evening, tell him to bring me the finished article (don't read it as that's opening a whole other an of worms) then sign off his planner.

I do the have you got your brain keys, money and phone every morning.

GrimmaTheNome · 02/10/2012 14:07

My DD has forgotten her lunch card (or forgotten it needs more money on it) a time or two. It hasn't killed her, even though she's out from 7:30 till 4:30 - friends share a bit of theirs. She's 13 now and hasn't done it for ages now (tempting fate...)

(the boys' school uses thumbprint scanner instead of card, they can't forget their own hands! )

Her school has a 'penalty point' system - 3 points gets detention. Its remarkable how she might forget a homework a couple of times but never the third. Most kids remember something if it matters to them.

PropositionJoe · 02/10/2012 15:08

Yes, that's it - hear "keysmoneyphone" every morning as they approach the door and they start to anticipate hearing it and that's pretty much the same as thinking of it themselves!!

JsOtherHalf · 02/10/2012 22:08

Someone I know got these for her dc recently. Child has some issues with organisation; apparently they are working well. www.orkidideas.com/home.html

EcoLady · 02/10/2012 23:47

I teach year 6. Those who fail to hand in homework get one extra day - then it's staying in at lunchtime to redo it. It's my lunchtime too...

Children who have genuine difficulties in doing homework (we have some very tough home situations) are encouraged go to a lunchtime homework club to do it.

Original poster

freddiefrog · 03/10/2012 11:09

Oh, that link looks good, I could probably make something like that

Well, she remembered to go to her detention yesterday, but I did find her homework folder on the floor in the downstairs loo this morning. I guess she's put it down when putting her shoes on and forgotten to pick it up again (it's too big to fit in her bookbag)

I'm resisting taking it in.

Thanks!

OP posts:

Hopeforever · 03/10/2012 11:10

So that could be the robes, the size of her bag?

Hopeforever · 03/10/2012 11:10

Robes = problem! Sorry

Original poster

freddiefrog · 03/10/2012 11:14

Robes - I've just noticed the Mumbles at the end of my OP. Should have been mummy

She has a school-uniform rucksack. All the kids have the same one. It's not particularly large, so they also have a sort of school-issue portfolio-foldery-type thing as well.

OP posts:

crosscupcake · 03/10/2012 11:25

Its a hard lesson to learn but i think that yanbu to just let this run how its supposed to run.

I am a firm believer in setting kids up for real life, teaching them self sufficiency and from an early age.

I have sadly learned from others mistakes and it is very upsetting to see an 14/15 year old who has his shoe laces done up for him, and his school bag got ready for him every evening....because he is forgetful and has never "got" how to do laces up, because they always buy him velcro.

There follows a cats bum face when i reveal that my 8 year old has to do jobs around the house both for pay and without pay, becuase it is expected of him.
Oh and mentioned that he made himself a bacon butty the other day..."yes, all by himself"!! because i am teaching him to cook easy stuff!!!

You are doing the right thing, keep your chin up and stick to your guns..its your job to teach them the difficult lessons as well as the easy stuff isnt it.

Hopeforever · 03/10/2012 11:42

Might be time to talk to the school about how much kids are expected to transport each day and the size of the bag.

If everything other than lunch doesn't fit in the bag it's. it suprising they leave bits behind, ESP the homework.

All of us must have had times whe we have put down our phone while we have put on shoes or had a last minute wee and then left our hone behind. It's life

PropositionJoe · 03/10/2012 13:57

DO NOT take that homework in

Lueji · 03/10/2012 15:22

YADNU

If I was the head, I'd give the mum 10 min detention too.

Whoknowswhocares · 03/10/2012 15:32

yanbu.

I must have been pure evil. After the endless lost jumpers Ds had to cough up out of his pocket money ...... Funnily enough it was the last one he lost. Coincidence?

Once at senior school, he knew he would get detention for not doing homework. He also knew he would get a punishment at home for getting a detention! Homework never get 'forgotten'

Your friend is making a rod for her own back and furthermore not helping child develop responsibility

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