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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to still ne pissed off because the guide on my DS SN school bus on Friday evening

25 replies

SoleSource · 30/09/2012 21:34

Screwed up her face like a bulldog chewing a,wasp threw her head back and then looked aty Son as if he was a piece of shit.
All because he offered his cheek to her for a goodbye kiss.

I responded by telling her he is just being friendly and he does not have the lurgy.

As a Mother/Carer I find some peopke whom work with disabled children totally abrupt in tbeir manner and unsuited to the job.

Makes me worry for his future.

I have been feeling a bit low about this all weekend.

I have zero RL support so I guess this makes things worse.

AIBU to tell the guide tomorrow her actions were fisrespectful and OTT or have I said quite enough already?

OP posts:

HecateHarshPants · 30/09/2012 21:39

Why not play it by ear, see how she is? What did she say when you said he doesn't have the lurgy?

Was it definitely a look of disgust or is there any chance at all that she was concerned? My eldest son wants to give professionals he comes into contact with a hug and sometimes a kiss. They recoil from this, sometimes physically, in a sort of OH CRAP way not because they think there is anything wrong with him, but because it is sooooo against the rules to give the children they work with a kiss or let the children kiss them and to do so would perhaps result in them being hauled over the coals.

HecateHarshPants · 30/09/2012 21:40

oh, and you're not being unreasonable. That would have had me sobbing all weekend long.

And probably having death fantasies about her. But that's just between the two of us

Original poster

SoleSource · 30/09/2012 21:42

Oooh Hecate I did not tbink of tnst aspect at all! I kiss DS all the timel lol it is my fault.

She just said goodbye.

Shit

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Original poster

SoleSource · 30/09/2012 21:44

I have had an odd reaction to it. I should have posted here about it. I needed support and did not ask MN

Thank you Hecate xx

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WorraLiberty · 30/09/2012 21:44

I'd play it by ear now too.

Regarding some carers not being in the right job...

It saddens me that my local paper has very few jobs on offer nowadays in the situations vacant section.

But there are always numerous carer jobs and telesales.

I do think a lot of people take the job because there's nothing else to apply for and that can't be right if they don't actually 'care'.

Original poster

SoleSource · 30/09/2012 21:45

I know Worra :( ,

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Original poster

SoleSource · 30/09/2012 21:47

The look cpuld have signified a Oh crap I do not want to ne accused of anything :( ,

Everyone is a potential pedo :(

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threesocksmorgan · 30/09/2012 21:48

tbh you can't blame her for not wanting to kiss your son, she can't and shouldn't. sounds like she just didn't know how to react.
I would just have a chat to her and say the perhaps she could just laugh and shake his hand or something next time

WelshMaenad · 30/09/2012 21:50

I was going to suggest the same as Hecate, dd is very kissy and done of her therapists go with it and some get quite obviously freaked out.

I think she probably panicked, caught between not wanting to upset your DS and thinking, oh fuck, I'll be reported for abuse! People have to be do careful 'these days'.

I'm sure in other circumstances she would have been delighted to have a little kiss.

teacherandguideleader · 30/09/2012 21:52

I agree with Hecate - I have had several children try to hug me in my guise as teacher or guide leader and I always look like a rabbit caught in headlights. Not because I think there is anything wrong with the children or that I don't like them but because I'm worried about my hugging them being misconstrued.

I wouldn't worry about it for now, just see how things go.

WorraLiberty · 30/09/2012 21:55

That's something I love about my DS's Primary school.

The teachers never recoil from a hug if the children run up and hug them.

Which is how it should be imo.

Original poster

SoleSource · 30/09/2012 21:57

Why have I not seen a different POV?

Going nuts

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tazzle22 · 30/09/2012 22:02

Whilst I do agree that there are some people that work in the caring profession that are not suited to it ......... I do agree that on this occasion it was probably more that she is not permitted to kiss your DS rather than feeling ugh about it. If caught unawares it can sometimes be hard to do the kinder distraction to deflect the childs request for a kiss. It can all happen so fast lol

It is definately such a shame we must be concious at all times that any physical contact may be misinterprated as by far the najority of kisses and cuddles are totally innocent .... and in some settings appropriate.

I work mainly with adults these days and we have similar issues.... although "permission" is sometimes difficult to ascertain...... often however the contact is not only initiated by the people I work with they would be devasted if if the act declined !

Original poster

SoleSource · 30/09/2012 22:10

Yeah, putting myself in her shoes I might have had a similiar reaction. :(

We're all being conditioned into feeling a kiss from a child is inappropriate but the rules/laws surrounding this serve a purpose.

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cocolepew · 30/09/2012 22:14

I work with in a special needs school and we aren't allowed to kiss the children.

Original poster

SoleSource · 30/09/2012 22:17

I did know, it is against tbe rules but I was shocked at the look of disgust on her face.
:(

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Original poster

SoleSource · 30/09/2012 22:17

I guess that made me forget.

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Rubirosa · 30/09/2012 22:51

It's a shame that some places have such strict rules about contact with children - my local primary school is lovely and children regularly hug their teacher, especially the infants.

aJumpedUpPantryBoy · 30/09/2012 23:04

Your DS sounds lovely.

I'm sure her reaction wasn't provoked by revulsion but more panic. If you work with children nowadays it is drummed into you not to have physical contact unless it is necessary.

Mind you, on the last day of the summer term my year 6 all insisted on hugging me and saying goodbye at the end of the day - their rational was 'it's gone 3.30 so you're not our teacher now MrsPantry and we can all hug you goodbye'

Birdsgottafly · 30/09/2012 23:06

Unfortunately you have to teach SN children 'appropriate' physical contact, more so than main stream children.

SN children and adults are targeted for abuse and are more vulnerable, couple this with them not making reliable witnesses and in general professional bounderies have to be maintained.

Softlysoftly · 30/09/2012 23:15

A friends dd goes to pre-school where they aren't allowed to pick up the children at all. She turned up one say to find her DD in a total state, been laid on the floor crying for 45 minutes and they had just laid a hand on her head and spoken to her, no hugs or comfort for a 3 year old in distress.

Hate to say it but it's all gorn mad in terms of being over cautious. So sorry it made you feel this way and hope your DC didn't notice

picturesinthefirelight · 30/09/2012 23:21

I work with children & am not averse to giving a hug when needed but I would really really hate a kiss. I feel uncomfortable kissing even my own neice - kids are grubby creatures and I'm not a kiddy person except with my own two children

I always hated it as a child being expected to kiss random relations.

picturesinthefirelight · 30/09/2012 23:22

Not a kissy person not kiddy (pred text changed it)

Viviennemary · 30/09/2012 23:24

If she is fairly new to this perhaps she thinks she is not allowed to kiss children with all the new regulations. I wouldn't know either. I agree with the poster who says perhaps she was genuinely unsure and in a panic about whether or not to and didn't want to hurt your child's feelings. Sorry you feel this way but perhaps there is a perfectly reasonable explanantion.

Original poster

SoleSource · 01/10/2012 13:45

Thank you all for your replies.

I suggested to the guide that she shake DS hand if she does mot want to give him a kiss and told her I realise you may mot be allowed. I did say you recoiled in horror and she said no I did not. She did but I then sorry for what I said to jer.stressful few days here one thing after another. :(

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