Are some parents too lax or am I too cautious? Don't know. Need Mumsnet Jury.

[CrapBag]

Been having some conversations with various people recently about safety and such around children. I am pretty careful with certain things and I am a wary person. I try not to be neurotic and I think I am well balanced in what I am careful with but some people I know do not seem to share some of my fears and I don't know whether they are slightly lax or I am over cautious.

Someone I know has blinds in her living room. My mum has cautioned her on the hanging cords as she often has her granddaughter (3) to stay but she doesn't listen and just says "its ok, x listens to me and won't play with them". X is not known for her listening and doing as she is told skills.

My sister baths her 2 DS's together, oldest is 4, youngest is 16 months. The 16 month old is in a bath seat (and has recently started walking so probably climbing to follow). She leaves the room and does things in the upstairs rooms, but she also admitted that she will nip downstairs as she can run up quickly again. I have similar age children who DP mainly baths but I won't let them be left in the bath alone together. IMO the youngest is too young to be left.

A couple of relatives regularly give lifts to others children, under the age of 5 with no booster seat. Their reasoning is they aren't going far so it is ok.

I get laughed at for still cutting up grapes for my 5 year old. Yes I know this may be a bit OTT but as they are such a choking hazard, I just don't take that chance.

I have all my medications etc right up put of reach. My cousin recently told me that she leaves her pills (the pill) on her nightstand as her children (5) know they are not allowed to touch them. I know one of my children is still young but even if I didn't have a 23 month old, I still wouldn't leave pills around within reach of my 5 year old.

I also don't leave any cords hanging around, belts, ties, dressing gown that sort of thing as I think children can get into trouble by playing with them but I am pretty sure that all of my friends did when I said about that one.

So Mumsnet Jury, am I over cautious or are some people a bit too lax or is a bit of both?

Just read back, all of the above are things that I don't do that I thought were a matter of course but others seem to think that I am too careful and their children won't do things because they know not to, like mine doesn't .

Oooo, yes to lollipops. I hate it when DS gets them in party bags. My friends DD had one once at a party, she was about 2. The whole thing came off the stick just after she started sucking it so it was still big. It was one of those hard ones as well. It barely fitted in her mouth but she sucked it until it was gone. I couldn't relax though.

I didn't know I was supposed to cut up grapes!

I have a feeling it would be a "cutted up pear" incident if I did this.

Ds is almost 3, I haven't cut up grapes for at least 12 months

Children who choke on grapes do not always die and if they do they do not always die immediately.
Sometimes they suffer brain injury.

This is true for all choking incidents but grapes are a particular case in point because children love them and they are round, soft and very hard to get out.

i think if you have one child, it is easier to hover around and ensure their safety, but when I have 3 aged 2, 3 and 5, so I just can't do that. I think that is why I am dead careful. I have found I have become more careful with my 2nd and 3rd than I was with my 1st. Possibly because I can't be as vigilant.

I've heard recently - from someone who works in an operating theatre - that lettuce is a choking hazard apparently it can flap over the airway and act like a valve. Whatever next ??

I don't think YABU but it's a very subjective thing.

Everything we do with kids is a calculated risk so everyone has to make their own decisions.

I think we all have certain things we're really conscious of and some we don't put much thought into.

I have a thing about car seats, no idea why, I just do but I agree that a tall 5yo on a really short very occasional trip probably isn't a huge risk, although not one I would take.

To me none of yours sound particularly ott (except maybe the dressing gown thing )

I don't like sharing horror stories because you can't possibly avoid every risk but a close family member of mine lost her 2 children to drowning in the bath. Don't know their exact ages as it was before I was born but they would have been about 2 and 4.

She nipped out of the room to answer the phone and when she got back they had drowned. It turned out their boiler was leaking but not enough to affect the adults so they had no idea.

I know it's not something anyone could have foreseen but I know the mother has never forgiven herself even after 40+ years.

I would do the same as you, op, with all of them. Especially grapes. Just quickly googled because I am a bit at all these people thinking you are ott about it and there was a boy aged 5 who died in feb after choking on one in his after-school club. Yes, your child may know about the mechanics of chewing on it before swallowing but he/she capable of resisting laughing at the child next to them while he/she is eating or of messing about chasing another child with one in their mouth. I think not.

I say this as someone who stood watching in horror as my sister slowly choked on a boiled sweet when she was about 7 after I had asked her to prove that she still had hers left in her mouth. [Blush] She opened her mouth wide to show me and it slipped down. Thank god my mum was in the next room as she would have died, no doubt about it. Mum slapped her a few times but it only came out when she lifted her upside down and slapped again. I can't tell you how scary it was. and that was all because we were silly girls who didn't realise the dangers of being "sensible" while eating such things.

Would you let your five year old have a boiled sweet? Not sure you would. Yet some grapes are even bigger and possibly slippier when in the mouth than a boiled sweet.

On googling I read about a woman whose daughter was choking on a blueberry! You can get some big ones so I can understand that happening, again, it's the smooth, rounded shape that is the problem.

Randall thats awful.

I think for me the bath things also stems from my nan telling me about my uncle. He was in the bath with my aunts, as a baby, just under 1 and my nan nipped out of the room to grab something. One of my aunts shouted that her DS had banged his head and was going under the water. My nan ran back in and grabbed him just before he went under the water.

I wouldn't let young children have boiled sweets. I was bad enough with jelly sweets as thats what my brother choked on when he was 3. It was a fairly big one though so I make sure that DS sticks to haribo. Marshmallows are another one. They are a git to shift if they get stuck. Didn't know about lettuce. DS doesn't like it anyway so don't have to worry about that one.

Seeds of change? Try Asda own brand for some real food snobbery. Its actually a really nice pasta sauce.

I think this is so subjective and depends so much on your children, your house and your worry level!

We leave kids in the bath all time always have. The reason is, that we lived in a small flat, bathroom echoed to every word and splash and so you could clearly hear them, and we listened out.

I have never done electric socket covers for example, because dh says you would need to find 2 metal objects, both small enough to fit in the socket and then poke them both in at the same time in the live and neutral holes. We looked around out flat and couldn't even find one metal thing that would fit, so decided that wasn't necessary

We never had a stair gate on the kitchen for ds and dd1, but when dd2 came along, she seemed to make a beeline for the kitchen, which had no door, she then turned on the gas taps on stvoe. We quickly put a gate over the gap.
dd1 was hopeless at walking on the pavement as she grew up where there weren't any. dd2 has pavements down to a fine art and I am pretty relaxed about her being ahead of me as we walk along.

I have never thought about blind cords as we didn't have any til this house, when youngest was 3. But I have always been really strict about nothing in bed that has string/cord, and I take them out of the room so they don't sneak it back into bed (balloons, necklaces etc) as a friend's niece strangled in bed.

When we moved in our pond had a cover. This summer we took it off.

One persons lax is anothers sensible freedom. You know your own children and make decisions for them knowing them.

It's not something I tell many people about to be honest because it's just so horrifying. I honestly don't know how she's stayed sane.

I think you are out on a limb wrt cautiousness, OP.
Preschool age DC have had great fun with cords & ties & pulling things along.

I use frozen, ready chopped veg and garlic.
I am beyond the pale.

AND I love potato smiley faces, these are apparently on a par with Crystal meth.

I also don't like boiled sweets on small children. Was with friend and dd on train once, she had sweet, laughed and it got stuck, I remember my first aid training kicking in and i turned her upside down and banged middle of her back, sweet flew out. Didn't occur to me til years later that she could have chocked to death.

But I hate chuba chuba lollies too, and everyone else seems to think they are for 2 year olds

( SteppeMum, I really don't want to preach but when my relative's children drowned they was no splash, no noise at all. They slowly lost consciousness and slipped under the water.)

I am an A&E doctor and so incredibly risk averse that I think my anxiety borders on paranoia sometimes. It's just that after 12 years of this job I've seen the freak accidents, the grapes, the drowning in the bath, the accidental hangings, the fatal falls. I cannot relax about my children's safety and worry that people think I'm a freak. I try to control it, not transmit it to the kids and allow them controlled experience of risk but hell's teeth, it's tiring being this worried!

Grapes. I don't cut them for 8yo DS2, but do for 20mo DS3. I can't remember when I stopped. At around 5/6 I think.

Blinds I tie the cords up, and also long bathroom light cords - a friend's DD got strangled in one.

Belts are always hooked over a hanger in wardrobes when not in use, dressing gown belts, all the DC's ones I've bought have been attached, though mine aren't. I guess that one never occurred to me.

Car seats - a nono, not without. Just no. Not until they are 5ft tall at least, or 12yo.

I would NEVER leave an under 5 in the bath, not even for one second. In fact, I've only just stopped sitting with DS2 who is almost 9yo, as he finally has the muscle control of your average 5/6yo. (Disabilities).

YANBU about grapes. I've seen two many children die from choking on them. I'm happy for DS to have whole nuts but there is something particularly difficult about grapes to dislodge them. They are the perfect size to completely block a young child's airway and because the skin is under tension, they get stuck. Please, please cut grapes up for your children!

Fried onions in a tin? I need to know more!

YY to lazy garlic though, also lazy chili and lazy ginger. Genius

Steppemum - I have plug sockets now, though I didn't for my oldest 3DC's. DS3 has a habit of hiding cutlery. I caught him trying to stick a fork in the plug you DON'T need two metal things - just a hair clip or a fork can go in two holes at once.

I now have socket covers on every unused sockets.

Tinned veg aisle, on it!