.........to think the football team manager is a complete t**ser

[Marshy]

15yo DS has been playing for the same football team for the last 2 years, average player, well behaved, gets on ok with everyone. He's quiet, not brimming with confidence, this is the only thing he does out of school and the place where he sees most of his friends.

DH had voicemail on his mobile a couple of days ago, picked it up yesterday, from the manager saying he has signed new players (DS is already signed for this year) and doesn't want DS to play anymore.

Me and DH have both spoken to the manager - he says DS had too many absences with injuries last season (all genuine) and manager needs a team that he knows will turn up. He doesn't want a large squad, and have players sitting on the bench, not getting a game, so DS has been told he can go to training, but needn't bother turning up on a Sunday for the actual game. He was absolutely unmoveable in this and started getting a bit shirty when I pointed out that there had been weeks when he had relied on DS to make up the team.

AIBU to think this isn't really in the spirit of building a team and encouraging young people to want to take part and have a sense of belonging? DS wouldn't mind if he didn't get a game every week, or if he only went on for 20 minutes. We told him tonight and he feels really disappointed and upset, though bravely trying not to show it.

Thoughts?

I think that is rotten. Your poor DS. Yes, in the real world, there are disappointments - but how hard is it to sub a few boys here and there every now and then. It is hardly Premier League ...

Is there another team your DS could join - or would he rather just not play?

Is there an overall club manager who sits over the manager of this particular team that you could discuss this with. At this age it is still meant to be fun. Most children who show any major talent by the age of 14/15 have already been signed up by clubs and are not playing that much for their local sides any more.

Oh it's a real shame, but it seems to be par for the course now with football. We've had similar experiences with DS1 and DS2 and in one case a coach who has the Alex Ferguson approach to managing where he gathers up all the best players and has most of them sitting on the bench every match.

The manager is a t*er and a coward for not talking to you face to face and leaving a message on voicemail instead. Have a look for other clubs, though of course, DS won't necessarily have friends there. Football is such a social sport and I would hope you're able to find something for him soon.

Thanks fait, I was thinking along those lines.
Manager seems dead set against having a squad any larger that he absolutely needs - doesn't want the 'responsibility' of having players on the bench and seems completely oblivious to any emotional or social consequences of just dropping someone, without any forewarning or explanation (not directly to DS anyway).
Came over a bit sorry for himself when I pointed out some of these things ('I don't get paid for doing any of this....it's very stressful and time-consuming') Needless to say this didn't provoke any sympathy on my part - don't do it if you don't want to!
It's very hard having an upset teenager - not possible to intervene and make it right as you can when they are little. Feeling bad for him

Oh and thanks Scholes - I am very slow at typing!
Yes, it is the social and taking part thing that concerns me the most. I could happily smack the manager - spineless and hardly a role model. He sounded quite sheepish when I rang him

Could you report this to the league-probably not but i would like to! Are we not trying to improve grass roots and kids being involved?

YABU and I think he is bitter as he obviously never made it himself!

I'm thinking of reporting upwards - not sure where yet, and waiting to see what DS wants to do about going only to training, or not.

What do you think - should he go to training, knowing the other boys will be invited to play on the Sunday and he won't?

I suspect that sooner or later some of the new players will cry off and then we will have a text along the lines of '...is DS available this Sunday?'

Poor DS - he failed his GCSE English this year and thought he was quite good at sport. I told manager this - completely unmoved - tosser.

YANBU. The world of boy's football is not a nice one. It has been a real eye opener for me. I would feel heartbroken.

DS2 (10) was told he was being transferred to another team by text.

DS1 (13) is hanging on in there with the Under 14s, I don't go to watch much because I can't stand all the shouting and screeching from the adults.

He is a wanker of the highest order. it says more about him than it does about your DS .Find another team quick and hopefully this will become a distant memory.

It sounds to me the manager thinks your son isn't a very good football player, but doesn't want to say it.

How many matches did he miss last season?

I think maybe you are right Lifeispainless (wish it was!) or at least that he has signed some players who are better - after already signing DS remember.

I don't have a problem with better players getting more of the game, but is it really necessary to exclude DS totally from playing?

He played more than he missed last season - he had enflamed fascia in his heel - often started a match, but then had to stop, in pain. It's not uncommon in boys his age and GP said rest was the only option

I wish people would try running a team; do the admin, deal with occasionally irate parents, meetings, training nights, pitch set up, food afterwards, groundsmen, chairmen etc etc...& all for free. Before running them down, try seeing it from their side, perhaps?!

YANBU - this makes me so mad and happens all the time in the bigger clubs around us. These managers have a bit of power and are happy to trample on young kids when it suits them but of course only by text and then moaning they don't get paid so can do whatever they want. It's usually the same managers whose own kids get to play striker every game and never get subbed off.
It's nonsense to only have a small squad - what will happen in the middle of winter when the boys/parents can't be bothered to turn up at some god-forsaken field at 9am - they're happy to see the less "talented" players then. Any good manager can set up a rotation if they have too many players so they take 2 subs only and each boy misses one game in four or whatever.
I would definitely look for another team - the manager has behaved disgracefully. If your DS was already part of the team and signed up he shouldn't have taken on another player to replace him.
The whole point of grass roots football is to get boys out getting exercising and having fun with their friends and developing team spirit - sadly so many of these managers can't see past the score at the end. As Fait says, any real talent has been spotted by 15 so for everyone else, it should be about making the best of who you have on your team.
Really hope you can sort something.

I do take your point roooibos. I have done community voluntary work myself and am happy to say that for the most part the pleasure of it outweighed the stress for me. I stopped doing it when that stopped being the case.

I was polite but assertive when putting across my view to the manager, on behalf of my DS for whom this was completely unexpected. In the end it is his decision, but I cannot see that it is a good way to manage the team. I'm finding it difficult to see/understand his side.

Better to know now, not pay subs, than to pay and be sidelined, you'd, quite rightly, be highly peeved if that happened!

Thanks Rafaella - that makes me feel a bit better. I wish you were the manager!

I'm just letting DS digest the fact that he has been dropped. He's very subdued tonight. Will talk to him over the weekend about what he wants to do.

My concern is that he will opt out completely now, and we will struggle to find anything else that he's prepared to give a go. Motivating teens is not easy at the best of times.

Roooibos - I'd happily pay the money for DS to go to training and sit on the bench at matches, to play every now and then. It's being part of something that I'm paying for.

Off to bed now. DS has just gone up. I'll go and give him a goodnight kiss in a minute.
Thanks for all your input everyone

Well my DH used to run my DS's team until he got too old (DS not DH) - took them from bottom of the bottom division to middle of the bottom division in just two years! It was a lovely team - won an award for most sportsmanlike or something out of all 40 teams in the U18s league. They had a couple of good players but all the rest were average or worse, they all left feeling good about themselves and each other, fitter and enjoying sport. And yes, DH did moan about lots of things to do with running it, but only to me.
My advice would be to consider joining a team in a lower division if possible - they're more likely to welcome new players and have a less competitive ethos.

Hmm.......will think about that Rafaella - thanks. Your DH sounds like a good man

Marshy I know how you feel and no you are not being unreasonable. I am in a similar position with my 13 year old ds. Last year the team had no players and we turned out for every game. This year he has signed more boys and they seemed to step all over the boys from last year. Its so wrong. The manager has lost sight of whats important. I agree that if they were going to be spotted then they would have by 15. I am so cross because I asked the Manager before we signed this season if this would be the case and asked him to tell me so that I could take ds elsewhere so that he gets to kick a football. Its heartbreaking for them.