To be at my wits end on how to get theset texts to stop?

[Lambzig]

I am currently 33 weeks pg with DC2.

When I was pregnant with DD (now 2.5), I found out very late in the pregnancy that I would not be able to breastfeed due to medication I am on and need to take every day (consultant assumed I knew and no-one discussed until 38 weeks). I was absolutely devastated at the time and it stopped me going out of the house when she was very little as I was ashamed to be ff in front of my bf friends (who btw were amazingly supportive when they found out).

Obviously, this time I know that I wont be able to BF and although I really explored with my doctor and my midwife if there was any way around it or the possibility of taking a break from the medication, but its not possible and although it saddens me, at least I am expecting it this time.

In the past three days I have been bombarded with texts (25 and counting) from the hospital (the same dept where my midwife sits), demanding (they really are written very pushily) my attendance at breastfeeding workshops. After the first few, I rang up and asked to be take off their list as I would not be attending. They said yes, but this has been ignored and more texts came. I spoke to my midwife yesterday who apologised and said she would sort it, yesterday, but another 8 texts today so far. I am finding it really distressing as its a constant reminder of my failure.

Have just called the number again and asked again for the texts to stop as I would not be attending and got a very aggressive person on the phone who said "dont you think sparing the time to get the best for your unborn child is important, or dont you care?". I didnt feel like explaining, so put the phone down and burst into tears.

How can I get this to stop?

Lambzig I've just googled blocking numbers on a Blackberry and it came up with an app in app world called "phone warrior" which is free. I'm downloading it to mine now, maybe that would work?

Not sure I want to permanently block it as it seems to be the same number that reminds me about appointments/lets me know when medication is ordered etc.

Drama, thats awful, you poor thing. I thought mine was last minute, but that would have been worse. I too had a difficult time in hospital over this issue and
I am dreading being in hospital this time due to the ff.

I had a c-section (and will again) so in for a few days. There is no facility for making bottles etc, so they have to provide the formula. It was locked away and every time I wanted to feed DD I had to waddle over to find a midwife, usually have to go through the whole explanation while getting disapproving looks and told things like "there isnt any medication that prevents you bf" and having to insist they looked at my notes, wait until she was prepared to unlock the cupboard and then get handed one bottle at a time. Repeat every three hours. So relieved to get home.

Please complain lambzig. I work in a similar environment and it disgusts me whenever I hear anyone passing judgement on people who don't want to attend an appointment (and I do make a point of pulling them on it). If you were for whatever reason reluctant, bullying is hardly going to make you attend. I'm much more of the friendly 'well you know where we are if you change your mind', nervous patients are much more likely to come back for treatment if their first impression is a friendly one.

You would be doing a lot of other women a favour by making a formal complaint and demanding to know what they've done about it.

Other than that I think you need to practice your best cold glare and the words 'do you know why I've made the choices I have? No? Keep your comments to yourself then'.

I'd be inclined to turn up at the workshop and demand to know why, despite your telling them your circumstances, they still continued to bombard you with texts and kick up a fuss until someone sorts it out for you.

Is there an option in the texts to say that you will attend? Can you just do that and obviously not turn up but the texts might stop?

To get so many seems really odd - as if their system is broken or something. What if you were going to go along to the workshop - then you would have presumably replied in the affirmative at the start.

In that case the constant texts wouldn't be harassment but just really annoying and you'd be putting it down to a glitch in the system or something.

Everything you're saying is awful. How fucking dare they guilt trip expectant/new mothers like that!

Definitely complain. This is terrible. And in the hospital when you need the formula don't explain yourself, tell them they can read your notes whilst your feeding your baby. Kick up a stink and they should stop treating you like shit.

Gosh, that's terrible. Of course there are plenty of medications that stop you BFing. I'm really pro-BFing but those text messages are just harassment now & would likely put off anyone swithering about BFing!

I wonder if they can't work out how to stop sending you the BF ones and keep you on the general antenatal/appts thing.

It may be easier to book a workshop and just not go.

Hideous for you though

I just keep imagining situations where those texts would be insensitive other than yours Lambzig and I am so for you. I can't help but imagine if a mum or a baby was simply too ill or the worst had happened to either of them.

Horrified by the treatment of women in maternity wards too. Couldn't bring myself to do it and had mine at home.

If it's upsetting you just block the number. It doesn't matter about the appointment reminders, write them down. We all managed before text! (and I am the worst ever when it comes to remembering appointments!)

I had a c-section (and will again) so in for a few days. There is no facility for making bottles etc, so they have to provide the formula. It was locked away and every time I wanted to feed DD I had to waddle over to find a midwife, usually have to go through the whole explanation while getting disapproving looks and told things like "there isnt any medication that prevents you bf" and having to insist they looked at my notes, wait until she was prepared to unlock the cupboard and then get handed one bottle at a time. Repeat every three hours. So relieved to get home.

Shocking.

Buy your own ready made FF to take in with you? Just insist YOU want to decide which formula you feed your child and don't want to use their brand. I don't think they can stop you - it's food, not drugs.

My DS4 was born by section, fairly recently, I got my dh to supply all my meals as I knew they would serve salty, carb laden crap... nobody mentioned it. Also I told the staff before hand (consultant and MW's), that I wanted as early a discharge as possible, and reminded them of that several times... I was discharged about 30hours after the section.

randommess they can figure out how to alert for allergies, or contact a patients carer instead of the patient, trust me they can take people off a text list for particular things while notifying them of other appointments.

Unfortunately there are some people responsible for patient contact who seem to think that getting 100% attendance at a clinic is the be all and end all and patients are just a nuisance getting in the way of that. All to often it's office staff who never actually have to meet a patient face to face.

I remember seeing a doctor at an ante-natal clinic, who looked at my notes and said "oh, so you have two children already?", to which I replied "no, one child and a miscarriage".

I was fine about the miscarriage, but the doctor didn't know that and I decided she really deserved to cringe and feel uncomfortable for what she'd said.

There are not enough "people" who you can simply talk to. It's all databases and automated responses

Yours, Ms Luddite

The level of texts sounds a bit extreme anyway never mind them being totally insensitive to your situation!! I would be hacked off receiving 3 texts in a day from anyone other than close friends or family!! 27 texts!! they really need to rethink this.

What do the texts say?

Bf is good but your not failing by not bring able to bf, your little one needs her mummy to be as well as she can be and if that means medication that stops you bf then you are doing what's best for your baby.
The hospital sound totally out of line, even if it was a choice rather than medication related its not right

"I was fine about the miscarriage, but the doctor didn't know that and I decided she really deserved to cringe and feel uncomfortable for what she'd said."

She really deserved to cringe and feel uncomfortable?! Gosh, what a lovely response from you! You know, some people just make mistakes and there needs to be graciousness on both sides.

I've been so grateful to those people who have referred to my second baby, who medically is 'just' a late miscarriage, as a child. She was and is my child. My current pregnancy is with my 3rd child, and I appreciate every time that someone recognises that my 'miscarriage' was with a real baby, a child.

It sounds like a system issue to me - I can't believe they are deliberately sending so many texts - one or two would be enough. The comment on the phone was totally out of order. Can you complain to PALS?

R&E feeding in hospital, Aptimil do a starter kit of 6x90ml bottles prefilled and pre sterilised so you could take one of those in with you for those moments when you can't be bothered to go to the cupboard. I mix fed my DTs in hospital (at the doctors insistence)and I also had to go to "the cupboard" but never had any attitude or negative comments.

Op your NHS trusts sound shocking. I would lodge a complaint, I have never had such experience as you. I would phone tem up and if you get an arsy reply, rip them one. As for how you have been treated regarding formula at hospital, that is shocking. I was mix feeding as ds was admitted to hospital with severe jaundice, and as well as expressing they provided me with as much formula as I needed for ds no remarks or making me feel bad

Keep the texts. It sounds absolutely ridiculous, maybe it is a glitch somewhere, but the response from the person you spoke to was appalling.

They may record calls, probably not though.

Complain to everyone you can think of. You could try the police if all else fails as it does strike me as harassment, but that might be a stupid idea, I'm not sure.

Fwiw I got treated very poorly regarding breastfeeding when I had ds in hospital.

It goes both ways - hospitals are often like this whatever you decide to do, or whatever your situation or needs. It's shit.

That is shocking treatment, and I am disgusted on your behalf! I think you should definitely take this further. I'd also speak to the Supervisor of Midwives for when you're actually in hospital - and make sure that you aren't given the third degree every time you need to feed your baby!

(As an aside, have you thought about mix feeding with some donor milk? HM4HB might well have a donor in your area. Not wishing to add insult to injury here - it's something I considered when my supply dropped due to medication)

Definitely keep all the texts, and complain about the idiot who was so rude to you. Try not to let it get you down, it's not your fault and you are doing what's best for your baby by not breast feeding them! All the best for the rest of your PG and the arrival of DC2!

Never, never think that you are a failure for not being able to breastfeed. I fully support the push to get as many women as possible to breastfeed but the downside is that it can make women who aren't able to breastfeed for one reason or another feel like a failure, which is a terrible thing. I say that as someone else who wasn't able to breastfeed. Don't ever feel ashamed to formula feed in front of other mums, if any bitch one makes a comment about it then just explain calmly why you are unable to. I had one experience where another mum just kept on and on about why I was ff my baby and I just snapped and told her, quite snottily, why she was on formula and that worked. Not very adult, but it worked.

If you know you are going to ff from the start then do take some pre-made bottles with teats in with you. Though their attitude is absolutely shocking and I would be complaining about that as well! Contact PALS now - it might not fix everything in time, but at least it will be a formal complain on record for them.