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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel low grade anger about things being done. Or am I being controlling and unreasonable

33 replies

lolaflores · 28/09/2012 11:00

A new bed is being delivered today. Yea. I have a degenerative back issue/problem/condition which makes me about as much use as plastic coal. DH gave me not very clear plan about how it was all going to be done. New bed delivered, our bed put into DD1 bedroom, her bed disposed off and all done and dusted whilst he goes to work at 7.00am and returns fuck knows when. He also claims they will not take away old bed.

The bed delivered will sit in the fucking hall in everyone's way as no where to put it upstairs. It has made me unbelivably angry. I am not sure why, is it because I am a bully controlling bitch who wants everything my way cos thats how it looks right now. I am no fairy and am roughty toughty but simply cannot do this on my own, but am getting the arse as it is on his terms.

i am a bitch yeah? That is not being ironic either.

OP posts:
SammyTheSwedishSquirrel · 28/09/2012 11:02

YABU and a bit scary. Surely it'll be sorted when he gets home?

WorraLiberty · 28/09/2012 11:04

So your DH told you he'll sort it after work?

I'm not sure what the problem is.

But I'm loving the phrase 'Low grade anger' and I intend to work it into as many conversations as I can today.

Thanks

sookiesookie · 28/09/2012 11:06

yabu, why are you so annoyed he has gone to work?
If its him that will have to sort it when he gets in surely its best if its done the way he would prefer?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 28/09/2012 11:08

I also love low-grade anger Grin

Actually YANBU. There is no reason why they can't take the old bed away, and therefore take the new bed upstairs so it is where it should be. This is what has always happened when we have had a new bed.

HappyAsChips · 28/09/2012 11:09

Perhaps you're just having a bad day (we all have them). Take a deep breath, have a nice cup of Brew..and relax Smile

Original poster
lolaflores · 28/09/2012 11:12

I am having a bad week. Keep crying at stupid things. On AD's as it is anyway. I get so frustrated by this sort of stuff. I want to do it myself but can't. I have a headache from grinding my teeth....honestyly people I am pissing myself off as much as anything else.
I am turning into "She who must be obeyed" and it isn't nice for anyone. I want to kick something but now I would break my toe and that would be everyones fault as well. Am thinking I made a mistake with the bed, it won't fit and this is going to turn into a right old song and dance. So I shall sit on MN and mither away to my friends in the ether. Thanks all

OP posts:
sookiesookie · 28/09/2012 11:13

No all companies will take the bed up. If they do great if not, it's fine too.

Original poster
lolaflores · 28/09/2012 11:14

sookie why is your calmness winding me up so? Why?

OP posts:
Original poster
lolaflores · 28/09/2012 11:14

I am even drinking herbal tea? Perhaps I shall decamp to the shed for the time being and throw knives at the tree trunk

OP posts:
becstargazeypie · 28/09/2012 11:17

I'm suffering with medium grade anger myself right now. I just vented some of it on here (on this thread - this is the reason I'm so cross atm www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/1572837-Question-when-someone-is-a-suicide-risk)

But as a result of the simmering medium grade anger I am angry with the washing machine, my work, my lovely DH who never puts a foot wrong... I'm going to go for a long walk before I pick DS up from school and try to think calming thoughts as I really don't want to be snappy with my lovely little 6yo. So, YABU, but IABU also, and sometimes we are all a bit unreasonable when things are crap.

I'm about to have Brew and chocolate. Care to join me? Smile

Pozzled · 28/09/2012 11:22

How long have you been on ADs? You sound exactly how I was when I had pnd, before the ADs kicked in. It wasn't feeling low so much as angry, that everything was wrong and it would never be possible to put it right. Every challenge seemed insurmountable.

As an outsider, the thing with the beds sounds pretty annoying, but not the end of the world. It does sound like there's a lack of communication between you and your DH though. Is he always vague about plans? Have you explained that you feel frustrated having to wait for him and not knowing when it will be done?

Original poster
lolaflores · 28/09/2012 11:23

becstargazeypie just as soon as he stops breathing funny. Many thanks. I am having a little choccie biccie. Ta very much for your kind offer.

OP posts:
MadBusLady · 28/09/2012 11:24

Unless this bed comes in about a thousand pieces no single person without back problems could carry it upstairs and manhandle it around themselves anyway. I am known to rearrange furniture by myself using the shuffle-and-swear method but even I would balk at a whole bloody bed. So your anger is all about the back issue (which is quite understandable) and the bed bit makes no sense.

sookiesookie · 28/09/2012 11:25

sookie why is your calmness winding me up so? Why?
Because you are a bitch. :)
only joking. After spending my teens as a angry, quick tempered and controlling I had some counselling (I had suffered abuse, not saying you need it) I am now very laid back.
I had got to the point where I fretted about everything and planned everything. Then worries others would not stick to it. I, like you, was pissing myself pudding

Dbro laughs about how different I am now.

Original poster
lolaflores · 28/09/2012 11:25

He is always vague. mr. Last minute and it drives me wild. Because my back incapacitates me I do feel helpless. He doesn't seem to understand. he wants to take care of everything but I feel I am hanging on a thread waiting for clarity. He just says its all fine and it fucking isn't. Fine on his list of fine but it doesn't seem to matter if it is for me....unreasonable yeah

OP posts:
sookiesookie · 28/09/2012 11:27

Where did the word pudding sneak in from.
That annoys me as no pudding has snuck into the house and I could eat a lovely sponge pud.

sookiesookie · 28/09/2012 11:28

Op you sound like me and dh. He lives on the 'it will be fine' world.
I prefer to know, but I am happier now I don't NEED to know.

Original poster
lolaflores · 28/09/2012 11:28

yep Sookie, fretting endlessly about every detail of everything. I am diagnosed bi-polar and can be extreme in my reaction to things. my head gets in a right old state in these situtations and no amount of "help" can put it right. I just want to do the angry Rumplestiltskin dance of rage. This is why we are never moving again. ever

OP posts:
bubalou · 28/09/2012 11:29

It's horrible feeling this way - and I am sure the bed is not the problem as you have pretty much said.

I am generally a very laid back person but about twice a year - whether it's due to a hormone shift (i love to blame them) or what I don't know but I feel so angry and agitated in my own skin that I feel like this.

However I now recognise this and can do things to stop myself exploding at poor unsuspecting DH. Go for a long walk, go shopping, watch some TV, have a nap, grab a nice lunch, treat yourself to something small, visit a friend - whatever works for you that will take your mind off things and get you to unwind. Last time this happened to me it was a Saturday. I left DH with DS and went shopping. I didn't buy loads but just walked around the shops, had a coffee and a muffing in Starbucks, got a few things in Primark - even a small pressie for DS and DH. I then went home about 3 hours later, refreshed, happy and calm.

Smile Hope things get better.

becstargazeypie · 28/09/2012 11:30

ooh, I'm tempted to make a sponge pud now. You can make them in the microwave you know - only takes a few minutes. (recipe here - but I do it with golden syrup underneath instead of ginger... Mmmm....

sookiesookie · 28/09/2012 11:31

Dance away, I suffer with depression and had pnd eight first. Just be more forgiving of yourself and dh.
I hope the tea and choc helps, you don't have a sponge pudding do you?

Original poster
lolaflores · 28/09/2012 11:31

They have to or I shall be homeless. deservedly so. he is doing sneezing now. god help me

OP posts:
Original poster
lolaflores · 28/09/2012 11:32

Oohhhhhhh. just what the psychiatrist ordered.

OP posts:
sookiesookie · 28/09/2012 11:32

thanks for the reciepe. I am going to raid the cupboards.

WorraLiberty · 28/09/2012 11:35

I imagine they won't take the old bed away incase the van gets infested with bed bugs.

I know many carpet fitters won't take old carpets away incase of flea infestation.