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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not throw DD1 a fifth birthday party?

97 replies

designerbaby · 26/09/2012 20:54

I did a big one for her fourth, and it nearly did for me.

Church hall, entertainer, big arsed cake, the works. But DH is away so much with work I'm operating as a single parent much of the time, plus I've started my own business, which I'm trying to work around school drop offs and pick ups.... I just can't face it.

But she's convinced she's having a party, even though I've said she's not. Talking about who she'll invite, where it might be. I feel really crap...

It doesn't help that I can't think of an equally appealing alternative. I'm the first of my friends to have children, so no idea what people do, if anything, when they don't do a birthday party...

Feel like a rubbish mum anyway at the moment, and the guilt trips on this one may just about finish me off. Should I just bite the bullet and hire the bloody hall again?

db
xx

OP posts:

DeWe · 27/09/2012 09:57

I did a little tea party a couple of times for dd2 for her birthday.

She invited 3-4 friends, and we did party games round a story.

I made the story up, and each section had a challenge, which led to a prize (which they all got). They loved it, and the next year she had several children hinting not very subtly that they wanted to do it.

Started by giving them a bag (I made it) to keep their prizes in. I think one year, a princess had been turned into a frog and they had to ask various people (imaginary) how to change her back again. They'd suggest things like sorting jewels into colours (smarties) and at the bottom of the pot of smarties there was 5 sparkly "jewels" for them to keep. Or there was "snow" (cotton wool) all over the garden and they had to collect it up, and then the snow fairy gave them all a hair clip with a snowflake on. Had about 5-6 challenges.

The final challenge led them into the dining room where I had a doll dressed up as the princess in the middle of the table, and party food all ready for them.

diddl · 27/09/2012 09:59

That sort of age it was a couple of friends for a birthday tea, party games, mainly playing in the garden.

(November)

Maybe watch a DVD.

Maryz · 27/09/2012 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

designerbaby · 27/09/2012 10:13

DeWe !!!

Do you really think four/five year olds would be ok in a movie without their Mums? Would I be ok with (7... ok, 5!) four year olds in a movie without their Mums!?

db
xx

OP posts:

Maryz · 27/09/2012 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stealthsquiggle · 27/09/2012 10:23

OP - the cinema 5th birthday DD went to was definitely 1 parent per child - host mother mandated it (and she had very definitely chosen the invitees to ensure that she had none of the DC that would be unlikely to sit through a film). That did mean I had to take DS (I paid for his ticket and food, of course). These things seem to vary massively - parents staying at 5th birthdays is definitely the norm round here, but I know (from MN) that it is not elsewhere.

IIWY I would want parents there. What happens if they tag-team their demands to go to the loo - or all decide that something is scary at the same time?

Original poster

designerbaby · 27/09/2012 10:23

Some will be 4 though...
In fact many if not most will be 4. DD1 is old in her year, after all...
Rx

OP posts:

stealthsquiggle · 27/09/2012 10:25

Maryz - autumn birthday means the guests will almost all be 4 (I keep making this mistake for my autumn-born DD - you have to bear in mind that some guests are almost a year younger than birthday child).

luckylavender · 27/09/2012 10:29

Yes cinema and pizza is a great idea and no they are not too young. Or bowling and food, then it's all done there. Or one of those pottery classes if she's at all arty.

haggisaggis · 27/09/2012 10:35

Stop saying that pizza and a movie will "make up for not having a party" - it IS the party - and your dd (and her friends) will love it. You may need to budget for drinks and popcorn at teh cinema though - even if it's a case of splitting a tub of popcorn between them.
I took 5 of dd's friends (OK - we're talking 9 - 10 year olds here so not tinies) to teh cinema and then to a Chinese buffet place - least stressful party I have ever done. Ate teh cake at teh restauarnt and gave out bracelets from Claire's accessories as "party bags". Job done and everyone happy.

WilsonFrickett · 27/09/2012 10:39

You need two grown ups for toilet runs, but you really don't need one per kid.

DappyHays · 27/09/2012 10:40

When I did my girl's cinema party there were 20 kids all 4 or 5 and only a couple of the parents stayed. Adults in the party were free of charge. My mum did the toilet runs and I asked one of the parents who did stay to sit at the end of the row and watch for any escapees.

mrsscoob · 27/09/2012 11:46

I think your party idea sounds great. However I wouldn't invite/pay for the mums. I think if you are taking 7children including your own then you just need one or maybe 2 at most adults to help, that should be fine. In which case I would tell the parents that you are happy to take the children but they are welcome to come along if they wish (meaning they pay for themselves) I would be happy for my 5 year old to attend such a party without me

brdgrl · 27/09/2012 11:55

Stop saying that pizza and a movie will "make up for not having a party" - it IS the party

YES! I have been being puzzled by some of the posts here - people saying "i'm not doing a party, just having a few friends to the house" or "going to the cinema" - these are parties. It never occured to me that it wasn't a party unless I rented a venue or paid for a group activity...

Rosebud05 · 27/09/2012 12:27

I would say 2 adults min for 4 and 5 year olds when out. You don't really want to be having to take them all to the loo when one of them wants to go and it's nice to have some moral support.

So, you and a friend, 5 kids, cinema and pizza.

Sounds fab and very sensible.

SizzleSazz · 27/09/2012 13:34

Our local soft play was £8.95 per child including food/drink. There were 12 of them so £107. Plus cake from Sainsbo's (£7) and an olympic duck each to take home (99p from Home Bargains) and a small bag of Haribo (£14 in total)

So £128 all in and I did NOTHING!!!!!

Original poster

designerbaby · 27/09/2012 14:14

Sizzle - that's bargainous!

Our local one is a whopping £15.50 per head! Which I think is a rip-off. You get 2 hours of play and a fairly measly spread of mostly chips. Plus some bloke in a grubby cat outfit pops in for 5 minutes to scare the children bring a birthday cake and a usually sullen party 'host'.

So, nope... not doing THAT.

I've emailed the cinema to ask about booking in advance, and whats showing... I'll feel better about limiting the numbers to 7 or so - I think you need at least 12 in a party room at a venue or it's a bit 'tumbleweed'... It also limits it to the older ons a bit - which is good. Many of our friends have 2 year olds, and even though they're not really Issie's friends we'd feel obliged to invite them to a party.

I think I'll give the parents the option to come or not, depending on how their child is likely to be...

You're mostly all lovely.
I think DD will go for it...

db
xx

OP posts:

kerala · 27/09/2012 14:31

On holiday with just our family of 4 we decided to have a "party". We had balloons, pass the parcel and played musical bumps, just DH and I and the two girls. That was literally all it was but we bigged it up as a "party". We didnt even have any guests . Both girls have said the best thing about our holiday (2 weeks somewhere expensive) was the party.

Just proves how little you have to do to generate some fun. Honestly invite 3 little friends, play some disco music and have nice food that is all they want. The number of tired and emotional little birthday girls I have seen at these big expensive bashes I really dont think you need to to it. They usually only play with about 4 kids at school anyway no need to ask the whole flipping class.

Original poster

designerbaby · 27/09/2012 14:37

On school friends... We don't really know any of them yet...

Do I ask DD to pick 2 'best' school friends? Will she be able to? Will it cause problems? Her closest two friends from nursery are at a different school and so she doesn't really see them. But maybe inviting them rather would nurture and maintain those friendships a bit... Or don't w bother? Seems a shame...

We deffo have at least 5 close friends from other spheres who are definites, I should think...

Lawks. Limiting numbers is quite hard, actually...

db
xx

OP posts:

MsOnatopp · 27/09/2012 15:54

I don't think YABU AT ALL.

Seriously competitive parenting gone wild on here.

I'm having DS's best friend round to my mum and dad's with a spiderman cake as he wants and a couple of balloons. They'll play together, he'll be delighted. Job done!!

YAsooooNBU

HRH008 · 27/09/2012 17:03

DD1 has just been invited to a 5th Birthday Party ... which consists of her going off hiking with the birthday girl and her family ... they`ve asked me to bring her along with her wellies and waterproofs and a bag as they are going to collect things along the way ... finishing with tea and cakes at a local place! It´s what the birthday girl wanted ...

I think if your DD loves the cinema, then, honestly, you only need to invite 2 children to make it a party. Film and pizza, ice cream with a sparkler in it. Job done.

Maryz · 27/09/2012 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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