To think that if you take a “risk” when you are getting it on with your DH that somewhere in the your subconscious you don’t actually mind if you get pregnant?

[Holly3Golightly]

OK my sister has just found out she's pregnant with number 3 and there will be a 10 yr age gap between her new baby and previous DDs. She is mildly touchy when anyone suggests that it can't be too much of a surprise when you play with fire!

We aren't talking a technical mishap here, more a case of "hey, we might just get away with this tonight" + alcohol. I'm just curious because I'm a double-check, take no chances kind of girl when it comes to that (I have 3 boys, say no more :)

I'm more of the thinking that it's nobody else's business how a couple's children are conceived. I have no idea even with family if they 'played with fire'.

I think you've got to expect it. Have sex+no contraception = a possibility that conception will occur.
TBH, I doubt it even crossed her mind.

I think you're playing with fire if you open your gob and comment on someone else's sex life Did she ask you what your opinion was? If not, then you really should have zipped it

But yes, if you don't use contraceptive then you risk pregnancy and you know it.

Is she saying it is a total surprise? Perhaps she means surprise as in not planned not surprise as in it is a surprise to her that to have sex with no contraception may result in a pregnancy. Or perhaps she meant it was surprising that she got pregnant after just one time. Although along with knowing that no protection = chance of pregnancy, people should know that each and every time there is a chance of pregnancy, but it's amazing how many people think that once will be ok and are shocked if it isn't.

Sorry...can't expect you to understand what kind of family we are! Very open with each other. No comments/judgements made to sister, I'm really happy for her. Just trying to understand how you can be so surprised when a pregnancy happens after that.

I should clarify.....I'm not the person who suggested she 'played with fire'...I just observed her reaction when another family member did. But I must admit had similar questions but kept quiet. That's why i asked here......

I don't get this kind of 'it won't happen to me' attitude, but I'm a belt and braces kinda girl. I worry I could be pregnant after a shared bath! I was vindicated when we started TTC and I got pregnant the first month! If you're not using contraception you are defo taking a risk. However, it's her business, and she'll be the one to have to deal with the consequences.

If I didn't want to have a baby I would be using every precaution under the sun. The only time I hVe thought "oh it doesn't matter" was when we were sort of trying for our DC. Yanbu.

Yeah, I think some people truly believe that you have to have sex a certain number of times in order to get pregnant.

Oh well, there's a lovely squishy baby on the way now and if everyone's happy about it, it doesn't matter.

squishy baby do you know how long it is since I so much as held a baby?

You know though, there is another possibility. Maybe she wanted another baby but her partner wasn't so keen.

YANBU. 'Sort of trying' hits the nail on the head. This happened to me....we vaguely knew we wanted a third but weren't sure when, were careless just the once and had the decision made for us. In the back of my mind I thought we might get away with it but I wasn't particularly bothered. At the moment we are definitely not TTC and I am very careful indeed!

Yep SpaceCorps I agree, I remember my Mum saying to a friend once that if she wanted another baby (her DH didn't) had she considered having an 'accident'!

I think a person can get a false sense of confidence that "it won't happen" after 10 pregnancy free years.

Surely it's more likely than not that unprotected sex on one occasion won't result in pregnancy?

I think it may have been in the back of their minds that they wouldn't mind too much if pregnancy were to happen.

But it's very rude to mention it.

YANBU to think it , but YWBU to say anything about it, and she is NBU to be touchy when other people mention her sex life.