I am a long term lurker here but not a poster.
DP and I live together with my DD (16) and his DD (18). We have been together almost two years. Currently we are living in the house he shared with his ex wife. This is not ideal and none of us would have chose this but it is necessary for financial reasons. We are buying the house off of the ex. It needs a load of work. We will then sell this house and buy a family home together.
My DD got out of control last year. I will make this clear as it is very relevant, she was truly horrible. She would scream, shout, get violent, got kicked out of school in all but name because she wouldn?t go and when she did she would argue with the staff. Fair enough she had alot of changes in her life at the time but she reacted to the extreme, to the point where she was arrested for blocking me in a room for two hours (im only little and she is bigger and stronger than me). DD however has improved massively this year. Her manner towards me however is often rude. She can be stroppy and demanding. DP hates this (although he never gets involved). DP?s daughter is far from perfect but she is polite to her Dad and on the whole does as she is told.
Anyway last night we were talking to the girls, DP asked them to help out with the cooking. DP and I both work some distance away from the house and work long hours. We leave the house before 7am and are back around 7pm. This has been hampering the renovations on the house as we just do not have time during the week. The idea was that the girls help by cooking once or twice a week each to allow us to get on with the house. Halfway through the conversation DD got all humpy and stormed out.
When I spoke to her about it she says she feels like a second class citizen in the house. DSD has a room that has flooring, is decorated and has heating. DD?s room has floor boards at the moment, I painted it for her when she moved in but it needs redoing and the plumbing done for the radiator. DSD has more ?stuff? than DD, stereo, big TV, GHDs etc. This is because DSD had more spent on her at Christmas?s and birthdays before I got together with DP whereas DD had less in presents but did get a holiday abroad most years, something that DSD never did with her parents.
DP has a computer that he has his personal bits on. He is fine about DSD using this but doesn?t like DD to use it when he is not in the room in case she snoops through stuff (which she may do, knowing her). However the wireless isn?t working so it essentially means that DD has no internet. DDs TV is not digital so she cant get telly. DP has set it up so she can pick up our tv downstairs (which we rarely watch) but it means her running up and down the stairs to change the channel. DSD has digital. Last week DD asked to borrow Dps dongle but it is a bit of a hassle finding it and to be honest we forgot she asked to use it but DSD spends most of the evening downstairs with us facebooking.
I explained to DP that DD she was feeling left out. She said that if DSD?s TV was not working it wouldn?t have taken 9 months for this to be sorted. I believe this is true. DSD can bug her Dad to do stuff for her, DD doesn?t feel comfortable doing the same. Little things like part of the coving hanging down in her bedroom upsets her, it has been like that for a couple of months but hasn?t got fixed. She says she feels like she has nowhere nice she can escape to. DSD can close her door and have a room that more or less looks finished with a working TV, music etc.
DP says that basically if she was nicer she would get stuff done quicker, you give bigger hugs you get bigger kisses etc. However 9 months is a long time, I really cannot see DSD waiting that long. I made the point that DSD upsets me. I am a light sleeper and have been disturbed more times that I can mention. She played music in her room until 11.30 ? 12am whilst getting ready to go clubbing on a Tuesday night when my alarm goes off at 5.00am. Nothing was really done about this, he would tell her to turn it down, not off, and she would do the same next week. She doesn?t wake up for her alarm so again this weekend my only lie in for two weeks was ruined because I had to get up at 7.15am because her alarm had been going for 15 mins and I couldn?t put up with it anymore. I however don?t refuse to cook dinner for her or tidy up after her. It is just expected that I would still do that sort of stuff.
So who is being unreasonable, me or DP. Because DD has been a cow in the past and still talks to me badly is it reasonable that she isn?t prioritised in DPs time to fix things? Is it reasonable that DD feels hard done by in the circumstances?