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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to talk to headmaster about skirt lengths?

112 replies

Redhillibilly · 24/09/2012 23:05

DD is in Yr 1. I have noticed that quite a few of the older girls are wearing very short skirts and I am thinking about speaking to the HT about it but don't want to come across as a wally.

My thinking is that a) it is just not appropriate and b) I would imagine that over the course of a year, once the cool girls start wearing short skirts, others may wish to follow to look cool; I don't want that pressure being around at primary school.

So, would I be a total wally to make a comment and if not, what's the best way to go about it?

OP posts:

TantrumsAndGoldAndOrange · 25/09/2012 10:24

I thought that primary schools were not actually allowed to enforce a uniform, isn't it just guidelines rather than an actual rule?
I could be wrong but I don't think the head will be able to do much about short skirts tbh.
My DDs school specifies a knee length kilt.
All the parents buy a knee length kilt and I dare say that all the girl leave the house wearing it. However, come the end of the day they are not knee length because they roll them up.
Mind you, saying that her school bought in a new rule in 2 years ago banning over the knee socks, stockings or black tights less than 40 denier and they have been very strict with that to the point of providing new, clean white ankle socks to anyone breaking the rules which funnily enough seems to have put a lot of the year 9-11 girls wearing such short kilts, I don't think a short kilt and white ankle socks appeals to them.

mum11970 · 25/09/2012 10:24

There is no uniform policy in state primary schools as they cannot enforce any, there's absolutely nothing they can do.

TantrumsAndGoldAndOrange · 25/09/2012 10:25

put them off*, sorry :(

sookiesookie · 25/09/2012 10:44

So, should I only be concerned by issues that affect my children directly at that exact moment? Nothing would change ever if we all took that view surely.
What proof is there something needs to change. As pp pointed out primary schools can not enforce uniform policy, so when if they wanted they can't enforce it.
You will be complaining that some older girls are wearing clothes YOU deem inappropriate and you FEEL some girls MAY feel pressures into wearing them. No facts, no nothing and it doesn't even effect your dd.
Will you ask them to ban certain bags because there is peer pressure from your dds friends to have one?

Nanny0gg · 25/09/2012 10:50

Primary schools can't enforce a uniform policy, but they certainly can have an opinion about what is worn, so if heel height was a problem or skirt length or inappropriate t-shirt slogans, it can be dealt with.

margerykemp · 25/09/2012 10:53

Very young children ARE being over sexualised in teenies (2010+) culture and wearing very short skirts in primary school is part of this.

It is part of the pornification of society.

YANBU to worry.

scaevola · 25/09/2012 10:56

Primary schools can enforce uniform (and other posters have linked the relevant bit of the DofE website to other threads where this has been wrongly asserted). Most however don't, or not very strictly.

sookiesookie · 25/09/2012 10:57

its always been the same. My mum and her friends used to roll their skirts up. Everyone seems obsessed its a new thing. Its not.
Girls always will want to look older. They have done for donkeys years.

fluffyraggies · 25/09/2012 11:00

So, Sookie it's your honest opinion that nothing has changed for donkeys years with regard to the age that children begin to mimic adults in their dress and behaviour?

BegoniaBigtoes · 25/09/2012 11:02

OP, I think YANBU, and it's possible to talk to the HT about it in a "I'm slightly concerned, I wasn't expecting this and wondered if there's a policy?" kind of way rather than a way that makes you look mad.

Of course there is nothing wrong with children's legs or someone having a shortish skirt because they've suddenly shot up. But I've seen "short" skirts that would make your eyes water. Literally arse-revealing with see-through tights.

I am the most liberal person in many ways and I don't really like school uniform at all. But I still think there should be rules against letting your actual arse hang out, especially because these girls are doing it as a fashion statement, to be attractive and daring. They may not understand all that stuff or its implications but that is still where that fashion comes from.

That is not to say they should be covered up in case it distracts boys - boys have to learn how to handle that. And it is not to say that they should be ashamed of anything about their bodies. However it is reasonable for a school to say skirt length should be no higher than (say) mid-thigh, knee etc. I may sound 95, but covering up your arse to a reasonable degree is what everyone in the rest of society, over the age of about 3, is expected to do.

I am trying to avoid the phrase "common decency"

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 25/09/2012 11:04

Exactly what worra said.....crumbs, let kids be kids without dragging them down by our sad way of looking the world. I bet half of those wearing short skirt on have shorts on underneath....they do at my DS's school.

missymoomoomee · 25/09/2012 11:04

Are you going to be paying for all the new skirts you want to the girls to wear so your daughter isn't influenced by all those older girls knees then?

I send my daughter into school in the uniform I see fit within the school guidelines and would be mighty pissed off to have another parent try and dictate whats suitable, if you are concerned then why don't you move your daughter to a school with stricter uniform guidelines rather than impose your view of right and wrong onto others?

Flippityjig · 25/09/2012 11:07

My daughter has just started secondary school 3 weeks ago and the school uniform list states skirts must be 16 inches long, however most of the girls wear skirts that literally only just cover their bums. You can see the darker coloured part of their tights at the top, that's how short they are. They look like tarts. I am also considering speaking to the school about this, although doubt I will achieve anything. But I don't want my daughter to feel she is under pressure to fit in and wear skirts this short too. Or to be laughed at for being the only one in a longer skirt.

Possibly the only solution will be to buy her trousers.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 25/09/2012 11:10

Possibly the only solution will be to buy her trousers

Or you could just try and teach her not to be a sheep and not to follow the crowd?? That is what I do with my DS....I tell him I am only interested in him, not his mates and that he needs to get his own mind.

I do appreciate it's easier said than done tho :)

kinkyfuckery · 25/09/2012 11:10

You should just worry about what your child is wearing, and let other parents sort their own kids out.

OneMoreChap · 25/09/2012 11:10

Relative's child went to a school where there was a skirt length policy.

She ensured DD had appropriate length skirt. DD was copped rolling the waistband to make the skirt shorter.

My DD - at another school - thought skirts were silly, and made such a fuss trousers became allowed for girls.

Lot of this depends on how your child ends up - as an individual or a follower. Hard to know what to do, other than try and bolster their self-image.

sookiesookie · 25/09/2012 11:11

fluffy I honestly believe that this 'chdren are encouraged to grow up to Soon noe' is rubbish.
Its always been that way. Children will always aspire to something.
I have a question though.
are you saying children should not be allowed to wear what they want because some sickos are sexually attracted to young girls? Because i will be honest, kids that age don't think if things like that. I wouldn't be telling my dd 'i know you like that skirt but its a bit short and may attract a Prado.'
Smacks of victim blaming. Almost 'well she asked for it dressing like that'.

missymoomoomee · 25/09/2012 11:15

I don't understand the people on here worrying about their child possibly being pressured to wear something whilst trying to pressurise others to change what they wear. A bit of double standards going on there I think.

Original poster

Redhillibilly · 25/09/2012 11:23

No, I am not saying that girls can't wear short skirts because of paedophiles. I do not believe the bushes are full of men about to jump out. I am not victim blaming - I don't believe that anyone 'asks for it'.

It's interesting how pro-short skirts some people are. It's been eye opening but I am still going to have an informal word. The HT can always tell me to go away if that is appropriate. Interestingly, the very first thing he mentioned in the new parents evening was that they had a very strict uniform code and he was sure that was why we had chosen the school and therefore he requested that we follow it.

OP posts:

MuddlingMackem · 25/09/2012 11:23

I don't think you're being totally U OP. I think I know where you're coming from. I've noticed some of the girls in DC's school, some as young as Y3, and their skirts do look inappropriately short. I don't know why some look wrong and some look no big deal, but at a best guess it's the combination of over the knee socks, or the shoes or maybe they're just that bit too short, but whatever it is somehow it's just 'off'.

Don't realistically see what you can do about it though other than brainwash educate your daughter not to follow the herd. I think that's the approach I'll have to take with my DD.

dysfunctionalme · 25/09/2012 11:25

No uniform at our school. Most of the girls wear denim cut offs and spaghetti strap tops. No prob.

Startailoforangeandgold · 25/09/2012 11:31

YABU

Y5-y6 girls grow very suddenly. Some grow out, then up. Some just grew up. Very few grow in proportion.

Also some like DD2 are very fashion conscious and yes might choose to wear a slightly short skirt (nothing to the Y13s invisible offerings).

Being able to play at being grown up and feel in control of something is very important at that age. Not being quite the same as the younger DCs is part of preparing to move to often very large and slightly scary secondaries.

Leave them alone!

Also HTs really have far more important things to worry about!

sookiesookie · 25/09/2012 11:31

It's interesting how pro-short skirts some people are. I am not 'pro' or 'con' short skirts. I am 'let kids be kids' camp and choose not sexualise everything.
I also choose not to jump to the conclusion that some girls don't really want wear a short skirt but are bowing down to peer pressure. I choose to teach my child why she shouldn't be bothered by peer pressure.
I choose to recognise that peer pressure will always be there and its my job to teach my kids how to deal with it. As best as I can.
You didn't answer my earlier question. Would you ask the school to ban a certain bag because your dd felt pressure to get because it was the 'in' bag to have?

Haemadoots · 25/09/2012 11:33

I think yabu and should not say anything, uniform policies have been around for years and don't get followed, why do you think that having a quiet word will change that, if you don't want your dd wearing a short skirt don't buy her one!

halcyondays · 25/09/2012 11:34

What difference will it make to your dd what the older girls are wearing?

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