to hate it when a friend treats you badly and mutual friends say you've had an argument?

[Lightlygrilledandsmokinghot]

I just want to scream "We didn't have an argument, she treated me badly, I didn't do anything wrong"

Said 'friend' had been slagging me off and saying terrible things about me to our mutual friends. Yet they all say we 'had an argument'. Also they are all still happy to be friends with her despite knowing the things she said about me were lies and that she behaved in a twisted manner.

hear hear Eldritch

people are astonishingly disappointing when it really comes down to it

Come to think of it, whether they were lies or not, I would simply not tolerate a friend slagging off another, and would probably say something along the lines of not wanting to listen to it.

At university I took the approach it of I'll be normal and it will all be fine - it wasn't by end of the year everyone was still thought her great and I barely had anyone responding to a civil hello.

With neighbor people have had time to see through the lies most still stay distant as don't want to set her off or get involved.

One new friend made sure I knew neighbor had told her it was me or neighbor - neighbor relented apparently when I was picked - I made no comment - but new friend inadvertent or deliberately did stir and while I refuse to say much neighbor always rose to bait and started something. That friend has now move away and neighbor has been a lot quieter.

In both cases the bitching person had refused to talk to me about anything let alone what I did 'wrong'. It took a lot for me to actually ask or try to - perhaps I should have tried sooner or more aggressively.

I don't think I did do anything wrong - it feels incredibly childish but I've done the don't rise to bait thing be an adult and I am still the one hurt. I haven't seen any Karma pikes walking past giving them a good kicking.

I honesty don't think there is a good way to handle this OP - it really sucks - but I hope you have better luck than me.

pixies not pikes -

But do you know why Wendy did this? I think you need it out in the open.

And it is unfair that you've essentially been dragged into this playground situation - Wendy is the unreasonable one here (providing you haven't done something to provoke her?)

OP, you only have your "friends" word for it that the "Wendy" is indeed guilty of having said anything at all!
Yet you have taken them at their word, assumed "Wendy" did slag you off, and are being distant with her...
And now these "friends" are asking you whether you want to come along to events where "Wendy" will be present?

Do you see where I am going with this? Could it be that "Wendy" is not actually to blame and may not actually have said anything at all? Could these "friends" just actually be trying to cause you to fall out with her, or to exclude one or both of you from the overall group?

As that is what is looks like to me.

typed I AM COMPLETELY ON YOUR SIDE before reading Hullygully's post- so er, yeah, what she said! Close friends of 15 years recently decided to spark up a friendship with my abusive ex (who continues to be an arsehole when he sees me, 5 years on) whom they hated at the time, and can't understand why I'm hurt : (

I think the friends are out of order for passing on nasty remarks

If things were said about you that were untrue then why didnt they call this person on it there and then ?

I wouldnt dream of doing this and then going on to make a point of asking if you are willing to be at the same social occasion , sorry but they sound worse than the original perpetrator of the remarks and as if they are enjoying this at some level

As to your obsession over the terminology of this situation and that it shouldnt be referred to as a row ??? Dont get it

Hmm. OP I'd be careful with the lot of them tbh.

Sounds like maybe they enjoyed telling you. What was the point in telling you something hurtful and then expecting you to get on with it?!

They sound like the types to elaborate anyway! So, perhaps they knew you weren't the type to confront Wendy? Just a thought!

I haven't got an obsession, gettingeasier, but it wasn't a row was it? There was no arguing, no shouting, no rowing. I've barely seen this woman since they told me about what she said.

I feel resentful that they're tarring me with the same brush as if I was equally to blame when I have done nothing wrong.