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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is wrong?

105 replies

MrsAnything · 21/09/2012 23:20

I was going to sell some baby equipment that my DD has grown out of. A friend said that she had a friend who is pregnant and has no money, and could make good use of the items, and could she please have them for her friend, for free.

As I don't technically need the money for the items, I agreed. She did kind of railroad me into it really. I gave her the items, she said that her friend was delighted with them when I asked if she'd given them to her.

Yesterday I saw on a FB group that she is selling the items, which total up in value to around £500. I know what her Ebay ID is and I checked that, and she has listed them on Ebay too.

I don't know what to do. I know she is struggling financially, but I loathe the dishonestly involved here, and the assumption by her that because we are comfortable financially that it's ok to do this to me. I'm pretty upset, she is a very good friend.

OP posts:
alphabite · 22/09/2012 17:44

That is terrible behavior. Have you talked to her yet?

MadamFolly · 22/09/2012 19:24

Have you spoken to her yet OP?

pugglefan · 22/09/2012 19:52

WTF?!?!?? I cannot believe a "friend" would do this! Have you approached her about it yet?

SauvignonBlanche · 22/09/2012 19:58

That's awful! Shock

fuzzpig · 22/09/2012 20:03

That's so awful, what a cow. IIWY I'd check the legal aspects as posted above and scare her with it.

It is not like you foisted a gift onto her, she pressured you into giving them up under false pretenses. Yuck.

Socknickingpixie · 22/09/2012 20:24

omg thats horrible, i belive it is also called obtaining goods or services by deception and a crime.

solidgoldbrass · 22/09/2012 21:30

As I saidk this is not the same as selling on baby clothes/goods that other people gave you (once you have been given something, unless the giver states clearly that it's a longterm loan and s/he would like it back when you have finished with it, it belongs to you and you can keep it, sell it, give it to someone else or shove it up your arse) - this woman put pressure on the OP (who mentions feeling 'railroaded') to hand over the items and then sold them.

DayShiftDoris · 22/09/2012 21:56

That is theft for sure!!

As for selling items given... a few bits of clothes perhaps but £500 worth of stuff - absolutely not!

I was given a bed and when I didnt need it anymore I did sell it but I gave my friend the money i got for it! She didn't want to accept it so I posted it through her door with a note that if I received it back I would spend the whole lot on sweets and drums for her DC's and bring them wrong just before bed Grin

She kept the money!

People thought I was weird tho for offering her the money tho!

Fosgoldlady · 22/09/2012 22:18

I get screen dumps, call round at her house for a coffee and then dump them on the table and ask for an explanation. Unless she was in deep shit and needed the money I'd then be deleting phone numbers......

tutu100 · 22/09/2012 22:30

OP have you confronted your friend?

YesIamYourSisterInLaw · 25/09/2012 20:40

Any update?

YouMayLogOut · 25/09/2012 20:52

Shock unbelievable!

Nahla321 · 25/09/2012 20:57

I would just go round to her house and ask for them back I think this would be the quickest and easiest way to confront her. They items are almost certainly still in her home so she would have to be very confrontational and I doubt she would have the audacity to refuse ( although she has had the nerve to deceive you so you never know). She must be either greedy or very desperate. Good luck

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 25/09/2012 20:58

OP - have you been in touch with your "friend"?

ThatGhastlyWoman · 25/09/2012 20:58

Oh, come on OP- we, the Righteous Outraged of Mumsnet demand to know what happened..!

Please?

Figgygal · 25/09/2012 21:00

Agree with others go round and take them back fucking outrageous!!

lovebunny · 25/09/2012 21:01

she's defrauded you, she isn't your friend. sack her. tell everyone you know what happened. in fact, get onto the local paper and 'mentioning no names' make it a human interest story. anyone who wants to know who can ask you directly!

LemonBreeland · 25/09/2012 21:04

Just seen this. I hope you've been around to see her and demanded your stuff back. What a bitch. Did she really think you wouldn't see when she put them on FB.

eslteacher · 25/09/2012 21:15

You say you know she is hard up financially - could she be more desperate that you think if she has resorted to this? Like ratbagcatbag said on the previous page, if she has always been a good friend in other respects, I wouldn't necessarily damn her for this one act.

Of course what she should have done is explain her predicament to you and ask if you could split the money if she took care of all the practical side of selling them, but maybe she was too embarassed.

Or, alternatively, maybe she is just acting completely shamelessly with intent to decieve and money-grab - if that is the case, obviously I think it is inexusable. Only you know how this act fits in with her overall personality and qualities as a friend.

But imagine how you'd feel if it turns out she is about to be made homeless or is struggling to provide for her children or something. That could drive someone to desperation, and if she knows you are well off I can see how she might have justified it to herself as a victimless crime, and the deceit aspect might be more of a by-product than the outright intent.

suburbophobe · 25/09/2012 21:20

What a sneaky little bitch!

So sorry for you OP. Horrible thing to have happen to you.

Ah well, look at it on the bright side - after getting the stuff back - always good to find out who your real friends are!

jumpingjackhash · 26/09/2012 06:49

It sounds like her 'friend' is actually her, are you aware if she's been struggling? I think you need to talk to her. If you're good friends and you can help her I think it's right to do so but I have such an issue with her blatant deception and how she's gone about it and you gave every right to let her know how pissed off you are about it.

Assuming she is struggling financially and you are good friends, surely she should have felt able to be honest with you?

Making some assumptions here so hope i've got the right end of the stick!

Sexolette · 26/09/2012 08:16

Totally unbelievable!!

Please make sure that she knows that her behavior is unacceptable!!

What a disappointment for you. How long have you been friends?

WineGoggles · 26/09/2012 08:52

Confront her face to face, definitely not via text and preferably not over the phone. Face to face is the best way of communicating and you will also be able to see her response. Don't play games like bidding for the items on eBay, just ask her why she is selling the items you were going to sell yourself but gave in good faith to her friend in need. Ask for them back and then (unless she has a convincing sob story and is suitably shamed) have nothing to do with her again.

Portofino · 26/09/2012 08:59

What did you do, OP?

YouMayLogOut · 26/09/2012 08:59

I agree - face to face is best, then you'll see her reaction and it will be harder for her to lie again to your face.

Definitely don't bid for the items on eBay, you will have made a contract to buy them if you win!

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