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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is wrong?

105 replies

MrsAnything · 21/09/2012 23:20

I was going to sell some baby equipment that my DD has grown out of. A friend said that she had a friend who is pregnant and has no money, and could make good use of the items, and could she please have them for her friend, for free.

As I don't technically need the money for the items, I agreed. She did kind of railroad me into it really. I gave her the items, she said that her friend was delighted with them when I asked if she'd given them to her.

Yesterday I saw on a FB group that she is selling the items, which total up in value to around £500. I know what her Ebay ID is and I checked that, and she has listed them on Ebay too.

I don't know what to do. I know she is struggling financially, but I loathe the dishonestly involved here, and the assumption by her that because we are comfortable financially that it's ok to do this to me. I'm pretty upset, she is a very good friend.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 22/09/2012 00:53

If it was a matter of, say, £50-£60, I'd call her on the dishonesty and leave it at that if she didn't return the items.

But £400-500? That is seriously taking the piss and if she doesn't apologise for her dishonest conduct and return the goods she deserves to be named and shamed to the police and to all of your mutual friends.

FancyBread · 22/09/2012 00:53

Tell her that you consider it theft (because it is). Tell her you will contact the police if she doesn't give all the items back to you.

frisson · 22/09/2012 01:12

If you really don't need the money and she does, consider it a parting gift to her in terms of your friendship. I know it's hurtful to be deceived in that kind of way by someone you considered a friend but all the sneaky ebay shenanigans and reporting to the police some people have suggested really isn't worth the bother. Don't contact her and if/when she asks you why, be honest and brief, then never have anything to do with her.

SavoyCabbage · 22/09/2012 01:29

This is awful. What a horrible thing to do. There have got to be better ways of getting money that lying to her friends. I would rather she was stealing cheese from tesco in the style of Worral-Thompson.

NatashaBee · 22/09/2012 01:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

solidgoldbrass · 22/09/2012 01:45

This is very nasty, particularly as you originally planned to sell the things yourself and she pressured you into giving them to her for her fictitious friend. I do think it's worth telling her that you know what she has done and you are not impressed. (And it's not the same as selling baby items that people gave you).

Dappylittlemomma · 22/09/2012 02:10

She has behaved absolutely appallingly.

If she is/was a v close friend and your as hopeless as I am at confrontation another option would be to say to her- 'i presumed your friend no longer needed them when I saw you'd listed them on eBay. How kind of you to sell them for me.'

iscream · 22/09/2012 02:58

Sly, sneaky and dishonest. Sorry someone did this to you. You tried to do a good turn and...well, you were scammed in a way weren't you?
I like the idea of you bidding really high and showing up.
Or just print out the ad, and show up at her place and say you have come for your things back since she doesn't need them after all.

Miltonia · 22/09/2012 06:35

Unbelievable. Another vote for confronting her and demanding the items back as her friend doesn't need them. You have proof she didn't give them to her friend- as she has listed them on ebay.

Ask her why she did all this. But stand your ground and get everything back. Don't let her keep any of it or any of the money when she has been dishonest. Tell her you would have helped if she had been honest but that you are very disappointed.

If she denies it is your stuff then mention that this is deception and you will be going to the police.

BloooCowWonders · 22/09/2012 06:45

If she's that blatent, she'll probably go down the route of 'my friend didn't like it/ already was given/ lost the baby'... and then make up some story of planning to give you the money anyway.

I like the hard stare method suggested by a poster above.

Newtothisstuff · 22/09/2012 06:54

Wow that baaaad cheeky cow

FellatioNelson · 22/09/2012 06:57

I don't see any reason why bidding on them on EBay should cause the OP to get into trouble - she can just agree to pay cash on collection (saying she's local, etc) and the friend surely would not have the gall to report her for non-payment? And if she threatened it I'd say fine, do your worst, I'm going to the police about you. This must be some sort ot fraud or deception like that of a confidence trickster in the eyes of the law surely?

Anyway, I'm not sure I'd bother with the hassle of bidding on Ebay. I think I'd just have to confront her in person, no ranting, raving or crying - just the cold, hard stare suggested above and a short prepared speech about what a dishonest, money-grabbing bitch she is and how you do not intend to see her ever again.

Tell her if she doesn't give it all back immediately, or pay you for eveything she has sold you will go the police. Or let her sell it first (keep note of the listings) so she has to pay the fees, do all the posting etc, then tell her to give you the money or you will involve the police. And report her to Ebay.

She has to be a bit stupid to advertise these things on FB where you can see them though?

Rosa · 22/09/2012 06:57

Ask for them back , tell her why if she refuses threaten anything. Then get them back, and cancel her from FB....

GothAnneGeddes · 22/09/2012 10:20

That is appalling! I agree, you should definitely confront her and feel free to use the threat of police action.

puds11 · 22/09/2012 10:22

Wow! She is either really cheeky, or really desperate. However if it was the latter she could still have just asked you if she could sell them.

MrsMiniversCharlady · 22/09/2012 10:30

Getting reported for non-payment on eBay is no biggie anyway, they're not actually going to make you pay. Besides, if the OP gets them back she prove she collected them whereas the nasty-non-friend cannot prove that they haven't been paid for.

SecretNutellaFix · 22/09/2012 10:39

I would be tempted to out her on the FB selling group as doing this.

What a complete greedy bitch.

sleepyhead · 22/09/2012 11:09

People this brass necked have an answer for everything, so be prepared for her to insist that she was selling them for this "friend". She will then accuse you of calling her a thief and strop off.

No loss to you (apart from your £500). Grrrrr

Spatsky · 22/09/2012 11:21

I would comment on the Facebook listing asking outright if they are the same items you gave her to pass on to her friend.

AnyFucker · 22/09/2012 11:28

Don't play games by bidding high, or tell fibs that you need the items back for somebody else

Simply show her Izzy's post from yesterday and ask her to explain herself

If she is a good friend, I would show some sympathy if she is in dire financial straits herself (who knows what goes on behind closed doors?) but I would expect the items back

if it is purely because she has conned you for selfish financial gain, you get the items back and friendship over

SaraBellumHertz · 22/09/2012 11:34

Agree no games, just ask her what she is playing at.

dysfunctionalme · 22/09/2012 11:39

Outrageous! You must feel v deceived.

However I would not do the bidding high thing because you would be stooping to dishonesty and you sound like a really nice person who would find this v uncomfortable.

If you can manage to ask her why she is selling the items on eBay when they were intended for a friend, t might feel be v awkward for you both but it is a means of confronting the issue and you will feel better for it, longterm.

What a mean thing she has done.

MissConstrued · 22/09/2012 11:39

YANBU it is wrong on so many levels. Lying & conniving cow is how i'd describe her, especially seeing as she will have known you were going to sell them yourself. I'd definitely march right round to her house and confront her about it face on and demand she return the items.I so wouldn't let anyone walk all over me like that.

ratbagcatbag · 22/09/2012 11:42

Is she an excellent friend normally with no issues? I agree on the face of it she's being a bitch, but my dad was a right bastard and spent all our Xmas money when we were kids on fags and booze, mum was terrfied of him and some very kindly neighbours who are friends lent mum £100 to buy me and my bro presents, my dad found out, laughed and said we're not paying them back. It took my mum a year to save that money without my dad finding out and selling little bits when he wasn't looking. She was so scared of him he would have gone nuts if he'd known. My mum finally gave the money back and they handed it back to her saying keep it but do not tell your husband :) I agree with you don't know what goes on behind closed doors and there may be a desperate reason for her behaviour, it's still wrong what's she done, totally, but she may have been in a position where she felt she just had no other option.

Muse23 · 22/09/2012 14:34

OP, i'm so sorry this is so unfair. I had a friend i used pass kids clothes, shoes and other bits on to, they were all in really good condition! Had i not thought that i was being a good pal, i too would have sold them on or passed on to the charity shops. She too started putting things on Facebook, ebay and other places for sale and one day i plucked up the courage to comment(i knew things would never be the same again), to which she replied, "Oh i didn't realise it was yours, it all gets mixed up", this was a very lame excuse, she knew! I've never given her anything else. To me if you give something to someone, when you've finished with it, you ask that person if they want it back or if you should pass it on to a charity shop or someone else. I don't think it's morally right to profit unless the bearer says so, regardless of their financial background. This person has knowingly deceived you without even using the stuff. The least they owe you is an explanation!

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