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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find 'celebrate your divorce' cards distasteful?

23 replies

Liketochat1 · 21/09/2012 21:38

Is there anything to celebrate about divorce? Two people who once loved each other and had high hopes for a future together have had all those hopes dashed and the love gone. There may also be children involved. What's to celebrate really?

OP posts:

picnicbasketcase · 21/09/2012 21:40

Escaping from a horrible / abusive marriage? I have known people who were very glad for their marriage to end, don't think any of them got 'waney, party time!' cards though.

NameChangeGalore · 21/09/2012 21:42

I think it's a bit distasteful. Nobody gets married just to get a divorce do they?

picnicbasketcase · 21/09/2012 21:42

That should say 'wahey', DYAC.

halloweeneyqueeney · 21/09/2012 21:44

it depends on the person, some people need to celebrate it some don't, if they are your friends you should be able to gauge it

crackcrackcrak · 21/09/2012 21:45

I will be celebrating my divorce - my friends have already planned a gift for me.
I will not being doing it in front of my dd's mind but I will be extremely happy!

LunaticFringe · 21/09/2012 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LastMangoInParis · 21/09/2012 21:49

Could it be that there's an element of gallows humour or whatever it's called, Liketochat1?
I doubt that divorce is 'fun' for anyone, but some people get through it finding reasons to 'celebrate'. As has been said, getting out of a shitty marriage might be something to 'celebrate'. But also, the stress, fear, sadness, feelings of failure etc. that many if not most people go through when getting divorced might be offset a bit if you can at least joke and look for the positives. However distasteful that might seem to some people.

Marney · 21/09/2012 21:51

i dont see why you would want to celebrate the end of a marriage i left and went in a refuge but didnt feel like havung a party when the divorce came through i still felt sad i didnt expect things to turn out that way

WitchOfORANGEdor · 21/09/2012 21:53

Speaking of someone who was glad to see the back of their ex, I would have been quite happy to receive a happy divorce card. In fact I did celebrate my divorce with a few friends, I re-iced the top tier of the wedding cake and topped it with a headless groom and a flowing ' good riddance' in black icing. We had champagne

CrunchyFrog · 21/09/2012 22:00

Celebrating the next bit of your life. Divorce is not a bad thing in every case. XH wasn't abusive or unfaithful, either, but we were wrong to marry (if only we had had crystal balls, etc.)

I would be delighted to get a card or acknowledgement from friends and family. Shows support, that sort of thing.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 21/09/2012 22:03

YANBU, I find them distasteful too. No matter how much the divorce is needed, it's always sad when a marriage doesn't work. Marriage is something special to me, so I can't see why anyone would be pleased that they had a broken one.

CrunchyFrog · 21/09/2012 22:06

If the people involved aren't sad (well, 50% of them) why should anyone else care be?

lovebunny · 21/09/2012 22:06

sometimes its worth celebrating, even if you don't feel much like it.
when you're losing a wife-beating marital-rapist who tried to kill you by strangulation, for example.

in fact, its still worth celebrating, 24 years later.

RubyFakeNails · 21/09/2012 22:06

I've bought 2 this month. Its a bit of humour. I wouldn't buy one for someone who was devastated by their divorce but quite a few friends of mine have had parties and my SIL went to vegas to celebrate hers!

Doesn't exactly affect you unless someone buys you one, I really can't see why you have an issue with it.

MrsjREwing · 21/09/2012 22:07

I married someone who claimed after he never planned to stay married.

It is sad when a family is broken and if kids involved it is very bad taste to celebrate as the kids were once made from love, even if now you think he is the highest of high dick splat's.

edam · 21/09/2012 22:10

Bad taste my arse. It's up to the individual divorcee - they have every right to be happy/excited/relieved/sad/depressed/grieving/whatever.

CrunchyFrog · 21/09/2012 22:10

Well, speaking personally (anecdote not data, etc etc) I don't hate XH. I don't think he's an awful or useless person. There are wedding/ couply pics around the house for the kids, they know they were born to people who loved one another.

I'll still be glad when i get divorced, and am not going to put on a show of being sad so I don't spoil the sanctity of the Great Institution for all the people who feel that it has some kind of special status among human relationships.

Laquitar · 21/09/2012 22:11

What should they do then? Cry for the rest of their lives?

I think the card or the party acts as a symbol for a new begining.

nannyl · 21/09/2012 22:12

i went one better and sent my (vile abusive violent) EX step dad an "on the loss of your wife" card, to mark my mothers divorce from him.

he deserved it though.... after telling me / my mum that my mum could NEVER leave him as he would NEVER let her. (je was serious )
He was violent to us, the bastard gave me 7 bruises when he attacked me (yes police dealt with it.... )

so for me, i was OVER JOYED that my mother had found the strength to leave her vile bully of a husband, and after the disgusting way he treated me, felt I had every right to have 1 last rub in, in his face

I have never regretted it

(and i signed it with "I told you she would leave you, and yes i was right!)

aldiwhore · 21/09/2012 22:56

I can see why people would find them fitting and why people would find them quite distasteful.

Some divorces a long and bitter and the day its finally properly legally over is a huge cause for celebration.

Bellyjaby · 22/09/2012 06:10

It totally depends on who it is getting divorced. After 4 years of marriage to a man who so deferred to his mother on everything he eventually demanded I had an abortion as mummy didnt want to be a granny just yet, my divorce was (until dd's birth) the happiest day of my life. I had champagne and cake. It was such a relief to get myself out of that situation. It really screwed with my head and I've been so much healthier and now have a far healthier relationship with a man who is happy to have his children regardless of what his mum thought (she was happy btw!).

Kalisi · 22/09/2012 06:39

YABU, every situation is different. Life really throws shit at you sometimes no rules say you should have to sit and wallow in your own unhappiness without a sense of humour. You would have to be monumentally stupid to send those cards to someone who was genuinely devastated though!

RubyrooUK · 22/09/2012 07:11

I'd never send one of those cards personally.

But I did take one to my friends' divorce party. They threw a big bash when they got divorced, mainly I think to show their friends that they still got on, still spent time together and simply didn't want to be married anymore. They still wanted both to be included in the same circle of friends and the invite said we should celebrate all the good memories. They were ridiculously amicable and it was a brilliant party. It finished at 7am with us all taking over a bar, having a lock in and singing. So YABU.

If DH and I got divorced, I'd be too hurt and sad to do that kind of thing even if it was amicable. But each to their own.

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