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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

dp just headbutted me....

99 replies

tantrumsandnappies · 19/09/2012 14:52

i know i'm nbu but just need some quick advice.....

so this moring after maing plans to take dcs swimming dp lets me down again we have been fighting and arguimg for the last few months and they are just getting worse he never does anything with me or dcs instead choosing to go out with his friends he never comes home before 12 and is out of the house by one the neat day..

sorry am rambling so today after everything i ased him if he was still comin with us and he said no as he was meeting his friend so i got pissed off and stormed into the bedroom he followed me shouting what is my problem so i told him i have had enough of the lies him not helping me with dcs or money (yet he came home with two new ralph lauren hats saying his friend bought them) then he just headbutted me got in the bath apologised and tried to kiss me before he went out...

i don't now what to do haven't really got alot of family around and need some help.tia

OP posts:

CarolynR · 20/09/2012 13:40

Definitely seek advice from Women's Aid. It's confidential.
Good for you for getting out of the house though, that's a brave step.

FreudianLisp · 20/09/2012 13:41

Whether or not he liked the way you were talking to him is NOT THE POINT. He headbutted you. Nothing justifies that. He's trying to imply it's partly you're fault. He's wrong.

Sometimes I don't like the way people talk to me. I don't headbut them though.

Wishing you strength, tantrums.

FreudianLisp · 20/09/2012 13:42

'your' fault. Sorry.
Duh!

squoosh · 20/09/2012 13:42

Well done for calling Women's Aid and well done for sticking to your resolve. In a way I suppose it's good that he's refusing to admit any wrongdoing as that means you can't be talked around by a pathetic and tearful 'I'm sorry'.

You sound well rid of this tosser. Your life can only improve from here on in.

seefooddiet · 20/09/2012 13:50

A headbutt is so brutal, I didnt leave my Xp after he headbutted me and did 8m in prison for it, I didnt leave him when he broke my finger, I didnt leave him when he pulled me out of bed by my hair at 9m pregnant, I didnt leave him when he threw a glass at me, I didnt leave him when he spat in my face, I probably wouldnt have left him when he threatened my with a knife infront of my 10m old son, except my nosy neighbour saw through the window (night-time and the light was on) and called the police. Policeman said he understood why I wouldnt press charges but could he have my next of kin details so that when I ended up dead my ds could go to my parents rather than end up in care...harsh truth but true

I walked away with nothing....and I have literally never been happier!

Suppose Im saying in a few days when its died down, hes sorry and u are faltering slightly, just remember it rarely gets better

Please make yourself happy, there is help out there for you

Original poster

tantrumsandnappies · 20/09/2012 13:55

my thoughts excatly.

i will say that he is right in what he says that he didn;t like the way i spoke him because i do say some pretty horrible things but that is still no excuse for what he done i'm just glad that i'm away from him now as it may well have turned nasty in the future and i may not have been able to just get up and walk away.

OP posts:

squoosh · 20/09/2012 13:56

My God seefood that sounds so horrific. The nightmares that some people endure from their nearest and supposed 'dearest'. Thank God for nosey neighbours eh?

bubalou · 20/09/2012 13:57

Just wanted to pitch in and say that I hope everything's OK.

A friend of mine had a DP that sounded like this a few years back, he 'pushed her' for his 1st physical act of violence on her. It was quite a hard push and knocked her flying into the wall, she wasn't badly hurt but when you say 'he pushed me' it doesn't sound that bad. Luckily my friend had sense, left straight away and cut all ties with him.

Fast forward 3 years and this fucking twunt has a new partner who we all know of who was taken to hospital the other day after 'falling down the stairs' and has apparently had several other injuries the past year or so. He is now getting prosecuted it looks like as they have enough evidence even without her pressing charges.

I'm glad you have made the choice to go. I agree that maybe you should just let the police know to keep it on record if he is trouble in future.

Keep us informed.

Original poster

tantrumsandnappies · 20/09/2012 13:59

wow seefood there are some pretty vile people out there and i suppose he is one of them and like i said in one of my previous posts the relationship was coming to and end and we both knew it but wasn't ready to let go i do love him as he wasn't always so nasty but doing that to me gave me the push to say enough is enough and walk away with everything still intact.
i am pretty lucky that the house we were living in is in my name so he has no rights to it or anything else.

OP posts:

seefooddiet · 20/09/2012 14:06

squoosh it was over about 4 years so at the time it was easy to excuse (in my mind) I was conscious of making a fuss or exaggerating because it didnt happen every day I wasnt sure it was DA

I will be eternally greatful to my nosy neighbour and also that Policeman, I wish I could find him to tell him, 'I did it, I got away, I wont be a statistic' but its unlikely as I dont remember his name and I moved away

I was often blamed for the things Id said, the tone in which I said things and also the 'look' I gave him, I realise now that that was his defence mechanism, it takes a long time for that guilty feeling to go, I spent a lot of time wondering if things couldve been different if I hadnt irritated him so much, I realise now the problems him, not me

Dont get me wrong, leaving my home, my job and my friends was hard but I swear, sitting on my plastic garden chair in my empty living room was better than having the same monotonous (sp) argument day in and day out whilst worrying that I was giving 'that look' Ive never looked back and Ive never been happier!

Wondering now if 'that look' was a bit like this ->

seefooddiet · 20/09/2012 14:09

Im sorry tantrums didnt mean to make your post about me, its just some of your story rings true and I just wanted you to know you can do this

You sound sensible and switched on, I wish you all the luck in the world, I will be thinking of you

Original poster

tantrumsandnappies · 20/09/2012 14:12

thats ok they say a problem shared is a problem halved and if there is someone else reading this thread then they will see that there is all different things that parnters commit dv and hopefully it will help them.xx

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 20/09/2012 14:23

Glad you're ok OP. Keep us updated or I will worry :) x

AnyFucker · 20/09/2012 14:25

I am so glad you are away from that monster, SFF

valiumredhead · 20/09/2012 14:26

And I am livid he is trying to excuse his behaviour by saying it was a tap!

Nancy66 · 20/09/2012 14:27

Well done OP, you're doing the right thing and sound very strong and together.

Any form of physical violence is horrible but the headbutt is something else - something only real low-life thugs use.

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange · 20/09/2012 14:50

I'm sorry tantrums

Keep strong. Hope you get some help from WA xx

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 20/09/2012 16:01

Glad to hear you're ok Tantrums!

Not surprised he's trying to minimise what he's done - that seems to be a pretty common response. I also recognise what SFF said about 'the look' - do these people get a manual or something? They all seem to say very similar things.

Joiningthegang · 20/09/2012 16:20

Call the police
Call women's aid
Call your local dv service

You need to tak this through with someone who really now what they are talking about

Xxxx

Joiningthegang · 20/09/2012 17:09

Apologies- just seen the latest posts

MummytoKatie · 20/09/2012 20:45

seefood I have just done a quick google and you can email a police station. The police have to write everything down so if you gave the date and address I would have thought there would be a record of whoever it was that attended. With my local police you can even email if you want to give a commendation.

I think if you did it would probably make the copper's day. It must be very hard to go to domestics over and over again and to know that he was a part of you being away and safe and happy would make him realise that what he does is worthwhile.

TandB · 20/09/2012 21:55

What MummytoKatie said.
I work in the criminal justice system and I think any police officer would be absolutely made up to know you walked away and are now safe and happy.

BlueSkySinking · 21/09/2012 00:04

Do remember that he was physical and you were not. He is the one at fault, don't let him sweet talk you.

valiumredhead · 21/09/2012 08:14

Morning OP, just checking in :) x

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