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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

dp just headbutted me....

99 replies

tantrumsandnappies · 19/09/2012 14:52

i know i'm nbu but just need some quick advice.....

so this moring after maing plans to take dcs swimming dp lets me down again we have been fighting and arguimg for the last few months and they are just getting worse he never does anything with me or dcs instead choosing to go out with his friends he never comes home before 12 and is out of the house by one the neat day..

sorry am rambling so today after everything i ased him if he was still comin with us and he said no as he was meeting his friend so i got pissed off and stormed into the bedroom he followed me shouting what is my problem so i told him i have had enough of the lies him not helping me with dcs or money (yet he came home with two new ralph lauren hats saying his friend bought them) then he just headbutted me got in the bath apologised and tried to kiss me before he went out...

i don't now what to do haven't really got alot of family around and need some help.tia

OP posts:
tantrumsandnappies · 19/09/2012 16:08

yes i am fine he hit my nose.

i'm goin to stay at my friends tonight am just leaving now will call womans aid when i get there i told my friend everything that happend.

i know he won't come back he does this after every argument wals out like a gutless wonder doin what he likes for a couple of days then comes home like nothing happend

OP posts:
Tanith · 19/09/2012 16:33

Yes, I am sure there are women somewhere in the world who have it worse than you. There's the poor woman who had her eyes gauged out, some women are killed by their cowardly, lowlife partners. True.

Doesn't make headbutting or screaming at you any more acceptable, though. Any decent man is going to be disgusted with him - I'm sure the police will love to have him brought to their attention.

So he screams at you, headbuts you and then runs away. Contemptible coward Angry

Please, OP, report him. For those kids of yours, for any unfortunate family who next gets involved with him and, most of all, for yourself because this excuse for a human being has committed an assault on you and you deserve so much better than this.

SoleSource · 19/09/2012 16:40

Accept tbat for your emotionsl, mental health and to save yourself and children that this relationship has ended.

Forever.

AnyFucker · 19/09/2012 22:17

Please make this the last time he comes back and you all go back to "normal"

porcamiseria · 19/09/2012 22:19

good luck OP

and yes, this is unacceptable. he has crossed a line

so sorry xxx

tantrumsandnappies · 19/09/2012 22:43

i can assure you i am not going back with him he has more than crossed a line with and i could never forgive him for that.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 19/09/2012 22:48

even when he turns on the crocodile tears and swears he will never touch you again ?

that he's stressed at you shouting at him, his head is wrecked and he needs you to help him ?

he can't live without you, and he might as well kill himself ?

SoleSource · 19/09/2012 22:50

Is he seeing another woman?

sleepingbunnies · 19/09/2012 23:00

Definately call the police and get out of this 'relationship'. He is an arsehole and you have to protect your DCs.

So sorry this has happened to you

X

tantrumsandnappies · 19/09/2012 23:06

thank you.

i'mstill in shock myself that he actually done it the relationship was coming to the end anyway and i've just been dragging my heels about getting out i think this was the ick up the arse i needed.

@sole i think he is but there is no way i can find out or even want to know all the signs are there i just have no solid proof.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 19/09/2012 23:11

you sound strong, love

much, much stronger than that weak and inadequate waste of space

bogeyface · 19/09/2012 23:11

Regarding your home.

Is it rented or owned? You need to be able to go back in safety so I would call the police just to log the incident so if he tries to keep you out saying you abandoned the house, you can prove that you left for your own safety. That will make a huge difference.

Get legal advice first thing tomorrow about it.

Thinking of you xxx

Inertia · 19/09/2012 23:11

You need to call the police to get this logged , because even if you do leave him he'll have unsupervised access to the children, unless steps are in place to protect them from this violent thug. The next person he headbutts might be one of the children.

It'd be worth you seeing your GP to get yourself checked over after a head injury- your GP might also open doors to services that could help you.

I'm sorry this has happened, but he's crossed a very significant line and you need to respond accordingly. What he did isn't normal, isn't your fault, and cannot be swept under the carpet.

bogeyface · 19/09/2012 23:12

That should have been "get legal advice tomorrow about getting him out"

Jux · 19/09/2012 23:14

You owe him nothing, and sod his family. Call the cops.

I do admire your decisive behaviour. Well done. You'll be happier very quickly. But please do call the cops. You've said you know he'll do it again, and you're right. Ado you think that telling him to leave might cause him to become angry again, because I do, and you'll want to police to respond to your call very fast when he lays into you then. In order to make sure they do come quickly, you need to have this assault logged, talk to the DV unit and get your calls flagged up for fast response. Not trying to frighten you, just trying to explain why it's so important you do call the police over this, and the sooner the better.

Look after yourself and your children.

tantrumsandnappies · 19/09/2012 23:19

anyfucker i dont feel very strong tbh i'm sitting here in floods of tears.

i live in private rented flat and it is in my name only i took his keys off him before he left

OP posts:
holyfishnets · 19/09/2012 23:22

Police ASAP.

AnyFucker · 19/09/2012 23:26

you are an Amazon in comparison to him

he needs to headbutt a defenceless woman to make himself feel big

he is pathetic, and a crap excuse for a human being

you, on the other hand will do just fine without this abuser in your life

pplease, tomorrow, call 101 and ask to be put through to the DV unit

tell them you want to report an assault by your exP

doing this will assist you in the future if he continues to torment and mither you, and it is no more than he deserves

tantrumsandnappies · 19/09/2012 23:32

i will call them tomorrow i was suppose to call womens aid aswell but have just been in total shock and so upset i could barely function it's just such a horrible situation to be in.

i'm not worried at all about my safety as tomorrows thursday and thats when his weekend starts so i now i won't be seeing anything from him until at least sunday so i have a few days to sort everything out am still at my friends so will start doing everything tomorrow.
xx

OP posts:
spidermanspiderman · 19/09/2012 23:32

Please report it! What will he do to the dcs if they say something he doesn't like in the future or if they throw a tantrum etc. You need this to be documented for them if not for yourself!

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmm · 19/09/2012 23:45

Report him to the police.
Press charges.
See it through to the max, even if he only gets a slap on the wrist. You can then apply for compensation from the criminal injuries compensation authority. If you drop the charges you won't get a bean, so don't.
It will also mean he has to have supervised access to the DC which is only a good thing considering he is a violent nasty selfish pig.

Glad you are going to be ok as you have somewhere to live and also a bolt hole if needed with your friend. Call womens aid and see if they can advise you, at the very least you will need victim support.

Alert the police to the possibility of him returning and they will give you a number to call so they can get out to you ASAP if he turns up being abusive.

I can not believe he calmly had a shower then tried to put the very head he just assaulted you with into your air space trying to kiss you before going out!!

If you take him back babe he will likely have broken that taboo of actually hitting you and it WILL happen again.

So sorry you have been subjected to this :(

valiumredhead · 20/09/2012 08:29

How are you today OP? :) x

sleepingbunnies · 20/09/2012 08:39

^ echoing what Valium said - hope you are ok xx

Jux · 20/09/2012 08:43

Thinking of you tantrums. Hope you're OK.

tantrumsandnappies · 20/09/2012 13:33

afternoon ladies.

feeling alot better today thank you although i didn't sleep very well after he called me last night confused as to why i kicked him unbeliveable we did have a long talk and i told him it was unacceptable what he done but he had no remorse and was still saying he didn't headbutt me but it was just a tap and the reason he done it was that he didn'tlike the way i was talking to him.

i've also called womens aid and told them everything and am just waiting for them to call me bac so will update later on that.

thank you all for your support. xx

OP posts: