To want to scream and shout 'mind your own bloody business!! My child, my decision

[drivinmecrazy]

Have just had news that my DD1 has got a place off the waiting list of a much sought after local school.
We went to appeal to try and get her a place, although we are catchment always over subscribed.
Have just had a text from my neighbor's daughter. She's 20, training to be a teacher and has far too many opinions about how I raise my DDs for a child with no experience of the real world.
She has texted me saying she spoke to my DD last week who said she wouldn't want to change schools, and I should actually listen to my child!!
School she is currently at is not a good school by any standards, we have always made it clear to DD that while we respect her opinions, she is a chilkd and the next few years of her education are of such importance that we would make those decisions.
Of course she doesn't want to change after just settling, but she's a child surely! isn't it up to us parents to sometimes take thoses tough decisions for her!!
Have also now got a FB message from her Mum, suggesting that I should maybe have waited to talk to DD before announcing on FB. Firstly, my DD has no access to FB, she's 11 FFS! and secondly, all my friends have know how hard we have fought to get DD a place at the new school. Thirdly, I hope that when my DD gets to 15, she's not openly smoking, drinking, swearing and sleeping with her boyfriend at my house!!!
Because current school is good enough for your child, doesn't mean I don't want something more for mine!!
Sorry that turned into a rant, have made neighbors sound like trash, they're not. they are a professional family, but doesn't give them the right to question my decisions about my child
Am incandescent with rage!!!

I'd have gone for the one with loads of extra curricular stuff. As would a lot of 11 year-olds.

If you have posted on FB that your daughter is changing schools to a school you know she doesn't want to attend - before you have told her - they are absolutely right.

What an awful thing to do to your child.

I think you should have discussed it with your child first before telling the world.

I think you are totally right and it is none of her business.... i put my daughter in the school that i thought would be the best for her, how at 11 do they understand about whats best for them? She will be grateful for it in the future!
Congrats on getting the school you wanted by the way

Your neighbour's daughter is 20 and with no experience of working as a qualified teacher, neither is she a mother. Sounds like she has no experience of tact either.

You have been a mother for 11 years. You know what is best for your daughter. Follow your instincts.

Actually, the mother and daughter sound a little neurotic with their level of interference in your daughter's schooling.

Hope your daughter enjoys her new school.

I don't think your neighbours have any right to interfere but equally, I think you have been extremely silly to post this sort of information on Facebook. Especially if you wanted some sort of praise for ignoring your daughter's wishes.

At 11, I think she does have the right to put her point of view especially since this wonderful grove of academe that you have boasted about plan to send her to may not necessarily be all it is cracked up to be. Or what is best for her.

I have some experience of this as a very close friend urged me to send my dcs to her over-subscribed, very strict about uniform, allegedly marvellous school. My dcs were horrified by the very idea and for very good reasons. To have simply ridden roughshod over their wishes and forced them to leave friends and the school they had settled into would not have benefitted their education.

This is the internet at its worst.

Why put the personal, family information on the web in the first place? Secondly, why come on another website to complain about the response to a posting on a different site?

(shakes head and walks sadly away)

oh, just seen that you put it out on Facefuck for everyone to see before you told your daughter - that was, um, well, how can i say this nicely - fucking stupid

It really shouldn't have gone on Facebook. I've been working to change ds's school and I'm keeping it fairly quiet. I've only told my best friend and there is no way I would announce it publicly.

Agree with florencejon.

I would say though if you don't want people to have an opinion, perhaps reconsider what you choose to put on a public forum like Facebook.

I just do not get facebook why did you feel the need to document said school move?
However it is your choice of course but I feel the child should have some input but agree with that she will have a better chance of a successful education at a good school.

If people are being persistently "sticky nosey in", I stole this from Amy Tan (I think, pretty sure it was her) and it seems to work....as they are preoccied with working out how to react to a very polite way of being told to mind their own business.

In this matter you should not concern yourself for my/our sakes"

Just repeat ad nauseum until the message is got and they back off.

And then vow not to share details that seem to provoke sticky nosey-itus in certain people ever again. It's just easier because you have control over what info is in the public domain, but none over how other people chose to react to it.

Announcing a private family matter on FB and not expecting comments? FB is not the place for private stuff!
That said, myself and husband had to take the decision to move DD (then aged 14) from her secondary school where she was seriously under-performing, mixing with other girls who had no thought in their minds except boys. We explained the reasons why we wanted the move, but daughter remained vehemently opposed to the move. We went ahead, however - on the first day, she refused to leave the car and we had to get the headteacher to intervene. A few years later and we all look back and have a good laugh at the memory. Our decision proved to be the right one. She quickly made friends, many of whom she remains in touch with many years later, and one of whom was her bridesmaid at her recent wedding. Her performance drastically improved once she was in an environment where others took education seriously, but most of all, she was much happier once she'd settled down. I hear those of you who believe that children should have a say in decisions that affect them, but ultimately, an 11 year old doesn't have the long-view that adults have. We are their parents and as such are responsible for making decisions about their future.

You bragged to all your facebook friends before you told your daughter where she was going to be spending much of her time for the next few years?

Look up the word "priority". Your actions have been absolutely hideous.

Just to clarify, though not defend the FB references. Comments from neighbor and her DD have been through private message and text. Maybe I am being a bit disingenuous calling them 'neighbors', because although they are, they are friends too.
All references to FB are right up to a point. I FB, my child doesn't. Nor have I ever accepted any of her friends of the same age who have tried to 'friend' me. The overwhelming response on my wall has been purely positive and supportive.
What i strenuously object to is the suggestion that we have not discussed this with DD, and their insinuation that we have ridden rough shod over our DDs wishes. My 2 DDs are vastly different, and because I believe this decision is right for DD1 does not mean I would take the same decisions with DD2.
I am sure DD will have some reservations and will need support through the transition, we are not completely unaware of what she will be going through in the next few weeks. If we felt she would not cope well or benefit from the change in the long run we would never have gone down this route of waiting lists.

I have to agree with Cessj. My parents gave me the choice of whether to go to the local (pretty awful) comprehensive or put in a placing request for the local grammar. I chose to go to the school with my "friends". Two years down the line, when all of those nice primary school friends were starting to try drugs/get pregnant, I was dumped anyway for being the "snobby" one who wanted to study..I spent most of my secondary school years lonely and isolated. Ironically, I ended up changing to the better school for sixth form anyway and it was the best year of my school life. I wish my parents hadn't given me the choice. 11 is still very very young.

So, because your daughter and her friends aren't fb friends with you, that makes it okay to share personal information about her future on fb before she herself knows?

Because I really, really, really don't think it does.

the sad thing is though, that she may not facebook, her friends do, and her friends parents. Your bragging will have been seen by friends and friends of friends, i can just imagine your poor DD being told this in the school playground.

Oh and your child wont get pregnant and go on drugs because she goes to the wrong school, those children usually have somewhat ropey parents.

At 11, she is definitely old enough to have a say. And why are you discussing this stuff on FB?

Your bragging will have been seen by friends and friends of friends, i can just imagine your poor DD being told this in the school playground.

This.

Pray (if you have any deities) that you get to your daughter first. Otherwise she'll remember it for life.

its a bit weird your post title includes 'mind your own bloody business' when you chose to make it everyone's business by posting on facebook about it! tbh you come across as immature and needy - saying the most people's comments on your fb post were 'positive' and so on. If you really want others not to comment on what you think as your business, then why invite the comments?!
Whether your neighbours commented through private messages etc by posting on fb you're inviting comments, so why don't you mind your own business and let them mind theirs.
Boasting about your child getting in to a school you think is better is pretty pathetic - is anyone whose child is in your dd's current school your friend on fb? Can just imagine what they think of your 'success'!!!

At 11, I was given no choice as to which school I was to attend. My parents decided for me and I was not happy - all my friends were going to the local school and I desperately wanted to go with them. However, within about 2 days I had settled into my new school and loved it. So glad my parents made that choice for me. At 11 I think some children are too young to make those kinds of decisions.

When I got to 16 I decided that I wanted to choose my 6th form college and, against their wishes, my parents stood by my choice. Worst decision I ever made - in hindsight I wish they had not let me choose, but I can see why they did. Even at that age, I was choosing an educational establishment based on trivial 16 year old pros and cons rather than more mature, considered reasons, which would have served me better in the long run.

I'm not sure about the FB announcement, each to their own, but I do agree that your child, your choice (or yours and hers), certainly absolutely nothing to do with your friends.

By posting this stuff on facebook, you are inviting comment!

You can't tell someone something and then get angry about it when they respond, if they don't agree with you.

Perhaps they feel sorry for your dd and are trying to help

If you want them to mind their own business, don't broadcast your business..

We will be applying for a place at a secondary school in another borough instead if allowing dd to go to the catchment secondary for her primary, which is AWFUL. She will gave absolutely no say in the matter whatsoever, because I am the parent. She might well think she wants to go to the underperforming sink school so she can stay with her pals, but it would be the wrong decision, and it's my job to steer her right whilst looking at the bigger picture because... What's that again? Oh right, yes, I AM THE PARENT.

Tell your interfering neighbours to fuck off. They're being spectacularly interfering.

Have to object to the term 'bragging'. I don't think it has been perceived as that by anyone in RL, so think that's a bit judgey suggesting that's the manor in which it has been received or intended. Am not friends in the slightest with DDs friends so am still aghast as to how you would imagine it would get to DD before she comes home.
As my neighbor suggested, 'maybe' one of her friends will go home for lunch and 'maybe' their mum will tell them the news, and then 'maybe' that friend will relay the news to DD. And 'maybe' that's so far removed from what will happen that it's not even worth considering. DD is not in classes with any of my friends DC, is at music club at lunch, then walks home with her friend, who happily she will be starting new school with on Monday