to think you don't tell someone in a hospital to cheer up. Twice.

[roundtable]

That's it really.

I went for a scan today to look for fetal abnormalities. Turns out that's fine but there are other abnormalities that need further investigating. The baby's stomach is too small and I've got too much fluid. Feel really shit about it and staying away from google but the consultant has frightened me enough.

Anyway, prior to this I turn up to my appointment, hand in my booklet and let the receptionist know who I have to see and when. Then I say thank you and turn to leave. I then hear a loud voice say 'Cheer up.' I turned around and said pardon as I thought I must have misheard and the midwife (at least I think she was, same uniform) behind the desk says it again and laughs.

I just stared at her, laughed nervously, and walked off. Is it just me or is that an inappropriate thing to say in a hospital? She doesn't know why I'm there and whether I should be cheery or not?

WIBU to mention that I wasn't happy about her saying that when I go back for another scan next week? Or am I just oversensitive because I've had a shit day?

I was told to cheer up by a nurse just after I'd had a D&C because I'd had a missed miscarriage. My DH was abroad. I really wish I'd said something.

Round table, would you feel up to phoning PALs if there is one at your hospital and talking it through with them. Hopefully it may help someone else by stopping this day doing it again and you might find some support.

Let's hope that whoever said that to you had one of those "oh my god, did I really say that" moments. Maybe, just maybe she didn't really think about what she was saying and just said it.

It was very inappropriate - I don't care what the circumstances are, a flippant "cheer up" from someone you don't know is out of order. There's no harm in mentioning it next time you go in, you were upset and there's nothing wrong with bringing that to their attention.

I think you were very restrained, op. But I would complain if I were you so she realises how inappropriate her comment was.

Feel for you OP.

Once me and my ex boyfriend were in a pub looking miserable and not saying a word to each other.
A stranger came over and told us to cheer up as it may never happen.
Looking back, his face was a picture when I said 'It already has, our friend died in a car crash 5 hours ago' (True, he had )

Some people are just incomprehensibly dense.
I do hope everything goes well with your baby. I'm sure it will.
I was in a similar position recently,waiting for scans and tests, stressed and terrified...pushed to my emotional limit.
Unfortunately, my little girl had lots of problems and we had to say goodbye.
During the labour, whilst I was wailing with pain,both emotional and physical. A midwife came in and checked me. What she said next beggars belief..."Ahh lovely! We'll have that baby in no time!" and breezed out the door. As if I were experincing a normal labour and would soon be holding a lovely healthy baby.
I would advise you to make a complaint,but I know that it can be easier said than done.
Best wishes sweetie x

YADNBU roundtable. This woman was completely insensitive and I think you should complain, if nothing else it might make her think twice before offending others.

Something similar happened to me when ds1 was born and I complained and am really glad I did.

angry I've been thinking of you, I hope you are coping alright xx

YANBU.
When my dad was in intensive care in hospital, i had to go the reception and apply for a special parking pass-only available to those with family that are critically ill. The person on reception looked at my stricken face and told me to "lighten up love". When I handed it back (because he had died), a passing janitor or similar actually said "cheer up love, it might never happen." My response was "it just fucking has you moron".

Oh but OP, keeping everything crossed for you really hope things turn out better than expected.

sleepless...just about xx

A nurse in SCBU was very bemused by me crying when ds was born 8 weeks early and even asked me why I was crying and that I ought to make the most of the time when my poorly baby was in an incubator as in a couple of months when he was home and keeping me up all night I would wish this time on my own back.

Errr no I wouldn't you stupid fucking insensitive bitch.

OP - sorry you are going through a rough time x

Hi, thanks everyone. I'm really shocked by some of your own experiences and I'm very sorry that you had to listen to foolish people when you're at such a low point in life. Terrible.

I'm think I'm going to say something, not sure if I'll mention it to my very lovely consultant or to ring the official number. Also not sure if it will actually do anything as I think some people just don't get it as you will see from a phone call with my mil.

Spoke to my mil today and told her the story, she then followed that up with pointing out that I have been very ill so my body was probably letting me know something was wrong with the baby and that when she had a miscarriage she was very sick... Some people just are unable to engage their brain before speaking. I think she was trying to make me feel better in her own, awkward way but honestly!

Thank you for your kind words. Feeling much more positive today, I do have much to be thankful for so trying to focus on that than what ifs. :)

YAdefNBU

I was in hospital last week for an early scan to see if I was definitely miscarrying. One particularly helpful nurse wrote down all my symptoms and fact GP had referred me and then said: so you're here for a scan? How exciting!

Yes very fucking exciting hearing that my baby had died. Thanks for that.

Valium - sounds like the same nurse we had in neonatal - id have much rather had sleepless nights over baby crying than wondering if her lung had collapsed again or she had septis, op hugs midwife an idiot!

I had 3 mw in a row tell me I should stay in bed as i should be thinking about what was best for my baby, my waters had broken and I had incompetant cervix and the stitch had failed so it was just a matter of time before he was born (at 19 weeks)

It wasn't their faults though, I'd been moved from labour suite and they hadn't handed over properly. The ward mw thought Id just had an emergency stitch. They were lovely after I'd explained. Not what you want to be doing over and over again though

angry I'm sorry to hear about your little girl, luckily when the time came for me the mw o had was lovely. Can't imagen how it would of felt if I'd gotten a prat.

I did have an idiot whilst in hospital with ds3, waters had broken at 31 weeks snd I was kept in due to the risk of cord prolapse. I should have been given a csection as soon as labour started. As it happened it was 5 o'clock on a Sunday morning. The mw said I'd be fine waiting untill the doctors round

I wasn't, the cord prolapsed at 8.30 in the morning and we were very lucky they got ds out in time. Although I ended up with a hip to hip scar snd internal cuts into my womb because of how quickly they needed to get him out.

When the mw came back on that night she said I hear you caused some trouble this morning, I said yes. Well you knew it could happen she said and walked out.

Well actually I thought I was in there to prevent a prolapse.

Unpleasant stories, sorry to hear them.

I've decided to mention it to the consultant and midwife at my scan tomorrow and see what they say.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow. I've been feeling more positive in that I can't change the outcome so I'll have to embrace whatever comes our way and find the silver lining.

Thanks for all the support, I'll update tomorrow when I know more.

Best of luck for tomorrow. Totally inappropriate for her to say that.

Reading some of these stories makes me feel mad. Makes me wish I was there to bloody say or do something about it >

The mind boggles doesn't it?

How are there so many insensitive people around?

Good luck OP - sorry about the insensitive comment. Not professional. Sorry to hear about other people's challenging stories too.

Do mention it if you can - I wasn't brave enough to comment on two midwives I had difficulties with and wish I had. After my DD was born one midwife said "it's only a 2nd degree tear, why are you crying?" - I was gutted to have another tear after difficult 3rd degree surgery when my DS was born. The other midwife physically snatched DS when he needed phototherapy for jaundice - it was needed ASAP but she had no empathy about explaining this to us as new parents.

I had lots of fab midwives by the way who helped me loads - in the majority in fact - hope you get helpful ones from now on.

Completely inappropriate. I think you should mention it to someone if you feel up to it - not necessarily an official complaint, just a suggestion that some further training might be desirable.

YANBU - Why do that sort of job if you are an insensitive.

My godfather who is terminally ill with cancer was due to be returned to hospital after a fall but decided to go to the local hospice instead. This was on a friday (a few weeks ago) the district nurse was there and as they left for the hospice she said to my godmother "don't forget if he dies over the weekend you will have to wait for the death certificate until Monday." She is lucky I was not there or she would have got a mouthful and a formal complaint. It is one thing to discuss worst case scenarios with empathy but this was just disgusting.
My godfather is still alive 3 weeks on and rallying well.

well, first of all, i hope that everything is ok on the medical front, and i dont think you were being oversensitive.....

BUT... one day i was going into work, there were three women coming out of the main entrance. the middle woman was wailing and couldnt walk and the other two were practiacally carrying her out.

I thought 'Christ, who died?'

then i remembered that i actually worked in a hospice and it was quite possible, someone she loved very much HAD just died. I had a word with myself and felt terribly guilty for thinking such a thing.

Maybe she just had a 'brain fart' and opened her mouth before she realised what she had done.

For the record.... I also visited a client with a stairlift... when she opened the door i heard a voice say ' wow, can i have a go?' then i realised it was me! (classic brain fart) i then had to spend the next 20 minutes persuading this lovley lady that i didnt really need to have a go of her stairlift.

I hope everything goes well with you in and the little one... my own DD was born at 30 weeks and weighed 4/6 and she has gone on to be healthy and bright, so please try not to worry until you are given some definiative news from a doctor...

I just wanted to say that I hope all goes well for you and your baby. This struck a chord with me as my granddaughter was born by emergency c-section at 35+5 weighing in at 2lb 30z. My daughter had gone for a routine appt and was sent into hospital for an emergency scan. Her amniotic fluid levels were far too low and the baby had stopped growing. She was in theatre withiin half an hour of having the scan.

Anyway, when she was born she was perfect. The doctors were astonished that she needed no medical intervention. She was in intensive care for one week for tests and then they needed the bed and she was the healthiest baby there and was moved to special care for a couple of weeks. She remained in hospital until just before her due date and was released from hospital weighing 3 lb 7oz. You should have seen the looks she got when out and about!

My granddaughter has had every kind of tests for chromosone disorders etc. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with her other than she is tiny. She is now five and a half years old and just started school. She's wearing age 2-3 clothes. They're looking to possible give her growth hormones at some point.

Good luck and take care of yourself.

That should say 2lb 3oz not 30!