to think you don't tell someone in a hospital to cheer up. Twice.

[roundtable]

That's it really.

I went for a scan today to look for fetal abnormalities. Turns out that's fine but there are other abnormalities that need further investigating. The baby's stomach is too small and I've got too much fluid. Feel really shit about it and staying away from google but the consultant has frightened me enough.

Anyway, prior to this I turn up to my appointment, hand in my booklet and let the receptionist know who I have to see and when. Then I say thank you and turn to leave. I then hear a loud voice say 'Cheer up.' I turned around and said pardon as I thought I must have misheard and the midwife (at least I think she was, same uniform) behind the desk says it again and laughs.

I just stared at her, laughed nervously, and walked off. Is it just me or is that an inappropriate thing to say in a hospital? She doesn't know why I'm there and whether I should be cheery or not?

WIBU to mention that I wasn't happy about her saying that when I go back for another scan next week? Or am I just oversensitive because I've had a shit day?

I'd have punched her.

Really? That's terrible. That is complaint worthy and you aren't being oversensitive.

How inappropriate, you could have been there for any reason

Some people are as thick as shit, aren't they?

Yes, mention it. Tell her how inappropriate that was.

Cheer up? FFS. I'd be strongly considering a complaint. Totally unprofessional.

Sorry that there are worries about your baby, it must be awful ((()))

Yes, do mention it. Not being oversensitive.

Thank you. I always thought I was fairly thick skinned but either I'm getting more sensitive or people are getting ruder.

I just really can't believe someone would say that at all, least of all in a bloody hospital.

I would absolutely mention it. That kind of comment is totally inappropriate.

I'm thinking of you as my DD had severe growth restriction - all measurements very small. She was delivered at 35+1 weighing 2 lb 10ozs (size of a 28 weeker) and is totally fine. But it was a difficult time and one v misguided consultant told me to be brave and have a gin and tonic just after the 20 week scan where the growth restriction was detected. Perhaps she trained at the same place as the midwife that you encountered trained!

Wishing and praying for you.

Sage, did they ever talk to you about diagnoses? I'm glad all worked out well but that must have been scary.

They've mentioned chromosomal conditions which I'm really worried about or a problem with the throat. I just don't have any experience of this and I don't want to talk about it in rl until we find out more.

It was insensitive but I think a complaint would be over doing it. You are understandably very upset and worried and so her crass comment upset you further. I think to make an issue about it would be over the top though

That was an awful comment to make. It's generally an annoying comment as you never know what the other person is going to, but in these surroundings it's extremely throughtless. I would consider a formal complaint although I appreciate you have more important things to think about.

I hope your next scan is more reassuring.

Roundtable- I going to PM you

Highly highly inappropriate.

In a hospital you can never ever know has just happened.
As sadly in a hospital there is a very high chance they've had bad news

I say this as (a) an ex-nurse and (b) some who who complained about one of the staff who did this regularly.

First time they did it I assumed they had had a brain fart
Second time I pulled them to one side and said you know in this situation it was iffy, and I'm not sure that the patient heard but please be aware that this type of comment can be really inappropriate.

Third time they did it, I ripped a strip off them, fourth time I made an official complaint.

Thinking back now, I wonder if they did it in front of someone who had pulled them up. . .

So very insensitive

Stupid woman.

People have been telling me to cheer up all my life as I have a naturally miserable face when in respose.

I always want to tell them to Fuck Off.

YANBU. Someone)stranger) told me in an elevator many years ago to cheer up, it couldn't be that bad.
Little did they know how bad it was. Took a lot of will power not to say anything.
I hope everything works out ok for you and baby.

Yanbu. I was 26 weeks pregnant, and my mum was told she was dying with 6 months to live. My dad was in pieces, I was worrying like mad. Some random stranger in the street told me to "cheer up it might never happen!". And unfortunately I told him to fuck off. Not one of my best moments! You were very dignified and restrained in his situation OP!

If it happens again... Use the MN classic response (with a twist) "That sounded unprofessional, did you mean to sound unprofessional?"

I hate this comment anyway as you never know what is going on in someones life. In a hospital it is doubly so.

I think a complaint would be totally justified, if you have the energy.

Fingers crossed for your baby x

A hospital porter said that to me as he was wheeling me into theatre for a d&c after a miscarriage. I almost couldn't believe it. I suppose he was trying to make me feel better

The last time someone told me "cheer up, it might never happen" I told them exactly what had happened for the last 10 years all the crap I've had to deal with.

I bet they will never again in their life make such a comment

I really do think the best thing to do when someone says something like that is to turn round, go up to them and tell them exactly what you're looking so down about.

If nothing else, their obvious acute embarrassment is worth a laugh

YANBU
That is a ridiculously insensitive thing to say and she should know better in her line of work.

Try not to panic too much about measurement-related things. With DS1 I was packed off to a different hospital for further scans as they said his head was too big. The consultant at the other hospital was furious and said he is sick of people being told that things are "too big" and "too small" as someone has to be on the top and bottom percentiles. DS1 just had a big head. He also had long legs and the two things led to everyone deciding he was going to be enormous - he was 6.5 lb and completely healthy.

Hopefully this will turn out to be the case for you too.

Definitely inappropriate. Stupid woman.

I have been for a few hospital appointments recently and have found quite a few of the nursing staff speak to people as if they are a bit simple.

'Now if you can just pop yourself up there on the bed for me...that's the way...well done'

Good lord, that's awful. I would have been furious. A midwife once told me (as I struggle through a difficult pregnancy after a miscarriage): "you should be excited! This is a happy time!" whilst doing the half-dancing jokey arm motion that people do when conveying excitement. I found it really upsetting as I was unwell and worried, and your situation is more difficult than mine so I can totally see why you feel the way you do.

Do say something, if you feel comfortable doing so (which it seems like you do). The propensity for pregnant women to be babied and patronised in some quarters is something that is annoying at the best of times and in situations such as yours is downright unacceptable.

I wish you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy.

I've heard some dradful comments from midwives. Make a list of sharp retorts and arm yourself with them, then come back and tell us what you said to the next one !

I hope it goes well for you

YANBU. I would make a complaint. She's probably upsetting other patients in a similar way.