to think the phrase 'you'll never wish you spent more time in the office on your deathbed' is a load of old BS?

[cheddarcheeselover]

I love my job. I also love my family, but I often hear this phrase used and it really annoys me.
It's always said as though it is an absolute truth but if I missed out on great opportunities at work because I wasn't there enough then I think I would regret it. Not every minute of being with my family is the most precious moment, sometimes it's rubbish and boring!

YANBU. I think my mother will look back and wish that she'd made more use of her many talents - she feels that she wasted her potential and wishes that she'd done more to pursue her career.

It's all about balance in my view - I hope I'll look back and feel that I've had a fulfilling life in lots of different spheres.

See, if my idea of interesting was lying on a beach in Bali then I'd move to Bali.

But I love it here. I love my job, where I live, etc. Why is it assumed that other places are more interesting or desirable than here? I love going on holiday, but I could never leave my 'boring' life long term.

Yanbu.

SwedishEdith That's what my mum said during the years I earnt almost nothing and lived on beans. Now I work a lot and love it I'm going to regret doing so apparently!

I live by this mantra. I know some people love their jobs but really, do they love them more than everything else? I would be sad if this was the case.

My 93 yr old grandmother wishes she'd been able to carry on working after she had DCs. My 60 yr old mother wishes she'd carried on with her career after she'd had us. They wish they'd spent MORE time in the office!

Sorry, what I also meant to say is I think this applies when people put their job ahead of other, important things in their life e.g. their family.

I suspect even people who dislike their jobs are thankful for what it enables them to do in life. Money brings choices, that's the reality, and choice makes people happy. I would regret not having done a lot of the things in life which earning has enabled me to do.

(I actually really enjoy my work too, but I just think the above point is being overlooked a bit )

ForFoxs you can have lots of "hats" and love them all, you don't have to sacrifice work in order to love your friends and family

my mum regrets hours spent at her job.. because she wishes she'ld done a totally different one (midwife), she never regrets WORKING just working in the wrong job that she kinda got stuck in a rut in half way through her working career

she absolutely doesn't regret what she did for before she got stuck in that rut though she often talks about her early career

x-post with forfoxes

I actually think that people who are miserable in their work life are a bit crapper at the quality time aspect with friends and family and hobbies in general.

more successful people seem to have more friends and more hobbies and more fun with their loved ones, partly obviously because they have more money, but also probably partly because due to loving their job, work doesn't drain the life out of them and invigorates them and that spills over into everything else?

Hmmmm....

I think people say that who have dull jobs. Which is a lot of people I guess.

For some reason when you're successful and love your work, people feel the need to tell you that you should be doing somehting else.

Yet they often don't seem to be doing anything else that is very interesting. My cousin says this all the time and spends her oodles of free time on FB, watching Eastenders and shopping.

For most people though not working isn't an option. I enjoy my job and enjoy working. If I won the lottery I wouldn't carry on but I'd do something eg volunteer. I might not look back and think I wish I had spent more time at work but I will certainly look back with pride at a (hopefully) successful career and the benefits that brings to my family.

It sounds like a phrase that would apply to someone who neglected family for a job, even if they did enjoy it. Or from a spouse of a workaholic.

I think it's part bollocks part truth.

If you've had a long and fulfilling retirement which was well funded by the hard work you put in through your younger years, it would be disingenuous to say you wish you'd spent less time in the office (while laid on your death bed).

It depends if you sometimes miss out on opportunities that you may never get again because you have put your job first.

Yes, you may well absolutely love your job, and I am not for a moment knocking that, but nobody knows what is around the corner, and lets say one day your kids were to say to you, "but Mum, you were always so busy when we were young, we felt you had no time for us", then would that not make you feel a tiny bit guilty?

"but Mum, you were always so busy when we were young, we felt you had no time for us", then would that not make you feel a tiny bit guilty?"

no I'ld guilty as I'ld feel if I didn't provide well for my family and didn't teach them by example to follow their dreams

squeakytoy. I really don't think it would. I think I spend more time with my children than my mother did with us, and she was home all the time, but constantly dusting something or gardening.

Not heard that phrase before but can tell you that when I worked in a Nursing Home for people with dementia, many moons ago, all of them would talk a lot about their past. They'd often repeat the same memories and ask for the same people even when those people had been dead a very long time. There were 36 residents, mixed sex, and I never learned what a single one had done for a living, though I could name their husbands and wives, children and grandchildren. When everything else had faded away what they remembered were the people they loved and who had loved them. So I think there is some truth in it.

squeaky it's perfectly possible to have a fabulous work life and family life.
Neither takes up 24/7.

I'll be the one in the nursing home foisting my (by then very old fashioned) books at people, sitting in a room with walls filled with my work, and boring everyone silly about the intricacies of typography

cheddar beat me to it

My friend's mum was a SAHM but never really emotionally present for her kids and although always physiclaly present cooking and cleaning and shouting there wasn't any quality to it at all!

My mum worked almost double full time sometimes but was far more there for me emotionally and we made more memories togethr in her holidays and days off than my friend's mum made having every day with her kids

No, I don't think the phrase implies you don't enjoy your job. I actually do too.
I also think that the reasons that janey gives: opportunities, nice benefits, meeting new people, are not what this phrase refers to either.

It refers to a very 'here and now mentality at work'. You are only talked about for the work you currently do. When the next Manager/Finance Director/CEO comes in, the work that the previous Finnace Director etc did for the last 25 years, is soon forgotten.

Also, there is little loyalty in business now., If you are advantageous, you stay. If they can save costs, they will get rid of you without a second thought.
We switch our mortgaaes, and gas/electric. Because no one offers us loyalty to stay, anymore. Business is the same.
So to me, this phrase is correct. Its fine to enjoy your job. And the benefits it provides. But get it in perspective, in the grand scheme of life. And don't give too much of yourself, because no one will re-pay for it, or remember you for it.
I think that is the message of the phrase. And thus, I see the phrase as perfectly fitting.

But loads of jobs involve more than just making money for a company.

Many people make a lasting difference to people's lives.
Many people create things that change people's lives.
Many people's work will stand long after they are gone.

You are lucky to have a job you love. I'm interested to know how old your dcs are?

I think that the phrase is said on the death bed by elderly people whose children are grown up and they genuinely just don't know where the years went.

Hopefully you can integrate your children into your job-life, I am imagining you in later years with grandchildren on your knee as you show them how to draw proportions correctly. That would be invaluable [kittensinabasket emoticon]

"I think that the phrase is said on the death bed by elderly people whose children are grown up and they genuinely just don't know where the years went"

in over a decade of working with the elderly and the dying I have never heard it from them (but have heard a lot about their previous occupations!)
I have heard it many times from younger or middle aged people who first say "oh I'ld have liked to have done X, but...." then excuse the fact that they never followed their dreams with " but you'll never wish you spent more time in the office on your deathbed"(more to themselves than anyone else)

But the phrase came from somewhere, lacking. Or is it just another urban myth, I which case the OP has nothing to worry about!

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying