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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in splitting the household bills???

88 replies

fustyflaps · 17/09/2012 11:45

Hello all,

I'm a bit cafuddled. I know there's a lot of you on here who all put your money with your DH into one big pot but its not like that in our house as DH is not good with money so here goes:-

I get £2100
he gets £1500

I pay
mortgage £734
Gas& Elec £100
House Insurance £40
Shopping £320 (i try to stick to this budget)

he pays:-
council tax £80
Phone,tv,broadband £80
water £45
tv license £12

We both put petrol in our own cars and pay own own insurance and credit cards I provide the majority of childcare as I'm able to be more flexible.

I also buy all Christmas/Birthday presents and provide holiday money.

Is this fair??

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 17/09/2012 11:49

Nobody can tell you wether it is fair - do you feel it's fair?

squeakytoy · 17/09/2012 11:53

Well it doesnt sound very fair, but what happens with the rest of the money left over?

I cant understand the "my money/your money" when you are a married couple with children.

As a family your income is £3600, and after all household expenses have come out of that amount, what is left should be joint.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 17/09/2012 11:53

Well, each to his own and all that and you need to do what works for you as a couple.

The fact that you are asking suggests that you dont think its fair.

I'm not fab with money!! DH and I have a joint account.....every month we put exactly the same amount of money into the joint account and that pays all our bills. The rest of my money is in my account, the rest of his in his account and thats that. Works for us.

On balance then obviously no, your accounts arent fair as you are paying way more than your DH and if it is making you resentful you need to sort something out.

Original poster

fustyflaps · 17/09/2012 11:55

I don't know, as long as the kids have what they need I am ok but my RL friend says I should see it as percentages and us both contributing equally to the household so it's got me thinking.

OP posts:

mistlethrush · 17/09/2012 11:56

Based on your figures, you put in 56.8% of your salary and he puts in 14.5%.

If you both spent 40% of your salaries (you £840, DH £600) you would both be contributing a 'fair' share of what you've outlined. (That would cover £1,440 and your outgoings are apparently £1411)

valiumredhead · 17/09/2012 11:57

Can;t you put all your money in one account and pay out bills from that and what's left shared between you and put into personal accounts? I don't 'get' separate money when you are married/live together.

oscarwilde · 17/09/2012 11:58

Er no, it's not a fair division. He has £1283 disposable income per month and you have £906 by my reckoning. Is he paying off loans or is there some reason for the rather odd historical arrangement?

SammyTheSwedishSquirrel · 17/09/2012 11:58

It depends on how you both feel about it. In our house my husband my husband pays for everything. My income sits in my bank and accumulates until husband has big outgoings eg big house repairs, holidays etc and then I give him this money too. It works for us because I'm bone idle and can't be bothered with sorting out financial stuff and he's happy to do it. :o

Scholes34 · 17/09/2012 11:58

DH's bank account is actually our joint account. I then have my own bank account that my salary is paid into. DH pays all the bills and I put so much of my money into savings. I don't think he realises how much money is then left in my account, but that's by the by, because he trusts me not to go over the top on my spending.

You've got to work out with your DH what is fair for you both. It's your relationship. If you're earning more than him, I would consider it inevitable you'll pay out more than him. You've got to find the right balance though.

Icelollycraving · 17/09/2012 11:59

I was just doing the % but mistle did them first. I would have written v much the same suggestion.

shrimponastick · 17/09/2012 12:00

It doesn't sound 'fair' to me. However I don't understand how couples don't have a joint account for all household expenses?

It seems like you pay out far more than DH. What happens to the rest of his salary? He has more left over - you have less? When you go out to dinner who pays?

Maybe you should find some other method - whereby you put x amount into a joint account which pays for everything in the household, including cars, childcare etc. Then keep your separate pots of money for personal spending just so that you feel you have some of your own each.

LydiasMiletus · 17/09/2012 12:01

I think people forget that 'fair' and 'equal' does not mean the same thing.
In your position I wouldn't be looking at percentages going towards bills (or include childcare in a break down, if I was doing it) I would want both dh and I to have the same left over at the end of the month.
If you are happy, why are you listening to your 'friend' and why does she think its appropriate to comment on your finances if you are happy.

MissKeithLemon · 17/09/2012 12:01

Fusty - you are clearly thinking its not fair - and I would be too tbh.

In essence, you earn a little under 60% of the total (?) household income, yet you are paying approx 85% of the total (?) bills.

Your DH is earning a little over 40% of the income, but still only contributing 15% of the household bills

A much fairer way would be to split by percentage. So say, you pay approx 60% of bills with him paying the remainding 40%.

To do this he'd have to hand over about £375 per month to you, if you were to leave bills as they are now.

Of course, this doesn't take into account that you are paying for all the little extras which add up to a lot and he seemingly has £1200 per month to play with as 'his own'.

I'd be sitting down to talk this one through or withdrawing my services

Netguru · 17/09/2012 12:01

We split it on the basis that we both have the same left of our salaries - bonuses and other money doesn't count.

Otherwise you end up with one person feeling poor and unable to pay for fun stuff.

mistlethrush · 17/09/2012 12:01

Alternatively, you could say that the aim should be that you both end up with the same amount in your accounts after bills have gone out - in which case its still not fair as at the moment he has £377 more than you.

MissKeithLemon · 17/09/2012 12:03

X-Post x about ten!

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/09/2012 12:05

So he has (1500-217=) £1283 left over. And you have (2100-1194=) £906 left over, from which also comes all presents and holiday spending, so let's call it £750. And you do the majority of the childcare.

No, frankly it is not fair.

Fair is when both your salaries get paid into a joint account, from which ALL the household expenses are paid. Personal funds are transferred from this account monthly, with both of you getting the same amount. That is fair.

And if your providing most of the childcare - is he shouldering the responsibility for the majority of the other household responsibilities? Laundry, cleaning, cooking?

sparkle12mar08 · 17/09/2012 12:06

^^What they all said - in short YABU to let him walk all over you like this! Take some control, sit down and have a proper talk with him and tell him he has to step up - he is, knowingly or not, taking serious advantage of you, and it has to stop.

BegoniaBampot · 17/09/2012 12:06

It doesn't sound fair, why does he put so little in? Saying that, we have separate accounts. He is the only earner and pays a certain amount into my account each month which covers shopping, household needs, all the kids stuff and money for me to spend as I like etc. We have no problem with this though as we still see the money as ours and totally trust each other as to how we spend it.

OrangeHorraceTheGoldenOtter · 17/09/2012 12:12

I just worked out all the % and maths is not my strong point, but now I am too late , but no, however you look at it, it's not fair.

Yorkpud · 17/09/2012 12:18

No it's not fair but it sounds like you both have plenty of disposable income. Maybe you should have a joint savings account into which he puts more money than you per month to pay for holidays/emergency household repairs etc.

BadLad · 17/09/2012 12:19

I don't think it's fair - you earn more than him, but end up with less disposable at the end of the month.

At the very least, as the higher earner one would expect you to have the same amount of disposable income after everything is paid, and some would expect you to have a little more.

DameEnidsOrange · 17/09/2012 12:21

It sounds very unfair to me.

redskyatnight · 17/09/2012 12:23

I'm with those who say you should have the same amount of "disposable" income.

On the bills you've provided, yes, it certainly looks unfair. But those bills don't include every single expenditure you make. Who pays for holidays? Who pays for the new towels/bed/a new boiler when the last one breaks? Are his commuting/insurance costs significantly higher than yours?

Evasmum12 · 17/09/2012 12:27

It dosen't seem fair. You are paying quite a large mortgage by yourself, is his name on it? Or have you agreed the house belongs to you only?

Me and my dp do not have a joint account, he has a lot of old debt and I don't want to be saddled with any of it. I am very good with my money so even though he earns double what I earn, I have more disposable income.

He pays the rent, water and council tax

I pay gas, electricity, DFS sofa, and buy food.(2 adults, 3 kids)

We pay our own phone contracts and he pays his old debts. Plus petrol to and from work.

It's not 'fair' but for the purely household outgoings, it costs about the same.

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