in splitting the household bills???

[fustyflaps]

Hello all,

I'm a bit cafuddled. I know there's a lot of you on here who all put your money with your DH into one big pot but its not like that in our house as DH is not good with money so here goes:-

I get £2100
he gets £1500

I pay
mortgage £734
Gas& Elec £100
House Insurance £40
Shopping £320 (i try to stick to this budget)

he pays:-
council tax £80
Phone,tv,broadband £80
water £45
tv license £12

We both put petrol in our own cars and pay own own insurance and credit cards I provide the majority of childcare as I'm able to be more flexible.

I also buy all Christmas/Birthday presents and provide holiday money.

Is this fair??

As shades said if you have the same disposable income left then on paper it seems fair. But its you thats buying most other stuff!!

Why dont you just pool everything?

I'd question the way he's suddenly offering £200 extra myself. So he's known for a while he's been having it easy? Is suddenly ok with losing £200 he previously had? I'd hazard a guess even he knows he can and should contribute more.

It's a start. Now you can both do a budget and look at time off as well. MN is ruining his cushy life.

i would also question the extra 200 thing it seams like he knew he could afford more knew he should contribute more but didnt want to untill you made him. in a partnership both parties should not only do but want to work for the benefit of that partnership.

but then again im a old bitter and twisted anti partner type of a person

Agree with the others. Have a house acc and both pay in all wages and incoming s into there. Agree a set spending amount split in half for each of you and transfer this to each of your accounts. Spending money for both should be the same.

Why on earth are you paying so much more than him??? How did you arrive at this split, it looks to me like he is ripping you off!

OK, I make it that after you pay the bills listed above (+ extra £200) you have £1106 left each month for c card, car etc.

Your DH will have £1083. If your DH upped his extra contribution from £200 to £240 then that would cover the home insurance and even it our for 10mths of the year.

However, the household expenses such as birthdays, clothes, christmas and holidays need to be covered by you both, not just you! Could you open a small cash account as a 'family fund' where you both put in £100 a month? The 2mths a year that the tv licence c tax and water are not paid your DH could be putting that £137 into the family fund ON TOP of what he would normaly put in. That would still leave you both with over £900pcm for your own expenses.

Also as you say you pay for all clothes etc, does your income include the child benefit?

When you had a talk did you address the issue of housework etc?

I would really recommend you both sitting down and working out your ACTUAL budget. What you've listed is just the 'headline' bills. Particularly I'm concerned with "Shopping £320 (i try to stick to this budget)". I'm reading "I try" as "it's usually considerably more". I'm guessing that that's pretty much groceries only. What about clothing, taking the children swimming, birthday, Christmas, holidays, one-off expenses like repairs and the like? Do they get paid from what your DH probably considers to be your personal income? I rather think they do.

The £200 is not enough. It still leaves an imbalance of £100/month in his favour, and that's going by the figures you have given. Factor in the other expenses that you are no doubt shouldering, and it's probably £300/month (or more) in his favour - and he contributes less unpaid labour to the running of the household.

Work out the actual budget - look at your bank statements for the last year or so and work out how much of your money has been spent on the family. Do the same with his statements. See how much it actually costs to run the household, and ensure that these costs are covered before either of you draws personal funds from your combined income.

Fair is both getting the same amount of money to spend on yourselves.

Not on Christmas presents or things for children, but on yourselves.

If you have £100 left after all essentials and child-related stuff, you each get £50 spending money.

If you have £2000 left, you each get £1000 spending money.

I've not really thought through "Hes just give me £200. Is this fair?" .

How did that come about? Did you both have a reasoned discussion, and he could see clearly that there is an inherent unfairness in your current arrangement? Or did he try to prevent a detailed discussion by 'buying you off' with a hastily-offered increase? What is his opinion on how you both run the household finances?

" I know there's a lot of you on here who all put your money with your DH into one big pot but its not like that in our house as DH is not good with money"
I can't help thinking that him not being good with money is absolutely NOT the reason your finances are not pooled. I suspect they're not pooled because that is what suits him. And I suspect he is good with money. He certainly makes sure he gets enough of it, I'd call that bloody good with money!

Hes just give me £200. Is this fair?

No. Random additional contributions are neither fair nor a sensible or sustainable way to sort your household budget out.

As Blu said, far better to have a joint, household expenses account. Both of you set up standing orders from your own accounts and an agreed, and much fairer proportion of your incomes need to be paid into it by standing order. You then need to set time aside, when your bank statement comes in, to check your expenditure and agree how you will use any surplus - holidays, etc.

The current imbalance in your outgoings is quite unreasonable and definitely unfair. Your dh may have "archaic" ideas but they are uniquely old-fashioned if they are based around living off you and doing buggerall else to help.

I'd also say that "not being good with money" is a luxury that adults with children can't afford to hide behind. I'm as capable as being extravagant as the next person but during the years I was bringing my children up alone, I realised that there was no extravagance worth the awful worry about not being able to make ends meet that would result.

If what you've said upthread is correct, he's probably going to ask for that £200 back at the end of the month because he's broke.

Sounds sensible to me. Up to you two though.